Getting Away with Gluttony

Kabanata 33

Sabi nga nila. If you're too happy, bad thing comes next. Ang sayang iyon ay lumipas kagaya ng paglipas ng semester na iyon. I was never the same again. Laging tulala at wala sa sarili.

Dahil unti-unting isinasampal sa akin ang katotohanang sa tuwing kasama ko siya, someone's safety is at stake. Hindi sapat ang rason na gusto kong pagbigyan ang sarili ko at gusto ko lang siyang protektahan. Because it sounds so selfish. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako mas matatakot? Hearing news of him, died on the spot at a hospital or hearing news of someone who died, for the second time.

Alin man diyan, malalaman at malalaman ko pa din. Life has its own way of scaring the hell out of me. My mind is in haywire. That feeling na hinihintay mong may mangyaring masama every passing day. I could not find a reason to think positively. I couldn't relax. Hindi ako mapakali. Para akong constipated na natatae. Aligaga ako most of the time.

I tried reading books but to no avail, that scene keeps on bugging my mind. Hindi maproseso ng isip ko ang tungkol sa binabasa ko.

I tried listening to musics. Pero, putik! Lahat ng kantang nasa playlist ko, pang-senti. Moira ba naman? Naiiyak tuloy ako. Mas lalong bumigat ang loob ko.

A notification pops up on my screen. Wala ako sa mood magbukas ng mga social media accounts ko. I just opened my inbox and read his message.

"Good morning, sunshine. Are you free today?"

Sunshine. Endearment niya sa akin. Malungkot akong napangiti. I am his sunshine. Kasi daw ako ang nagbibigay tanglaw sa madilim niyang kahapon. Pero joke.

Sabi niya kasi, nakakagood vibes ako. Nakakapawi ng lungkot at pagod niya. Oh ha! Napaka-espesyal ko para magbigay pag-asa sa iba. But he's my sunset. That kind of sunset na kapag tinititigan, nakakalungkot. Because it's slowly fading. Until it's gone.

Kung sa ibang pagkakataon, oo na ako agad. Nakakakilig sana. Pero hindi ito ibang pagkakataon. Gustong-gusto ko siyang pagbigyan at makita. But there's a 99.9 % probability that someone will be put in danger. It can be a father of four kids, a son of a widow, a family's breadwinner. Who knows?

And I can't take the risk! I can never be selfish again. I will never choose my happiness over someone's safety, anymore. So, I decided not to reply. What excuse would I make? Magsisinungaling pa ako.

Best option, deadmatology!

"Lord, ano bang gagawin ko? Ang hirap naman nitong pagsubok Mo?"
I am never the prayerful type of person. But out of desperation, I opt to ask Him. I believe He exists. And that He looks over His creations.

But I know, I won't hear Him answering my questions. Pero at least, magbibigay siya ng sagot sa maraming paraan. That's what my teacher in Christian Education taught me when I was in highs chool.

Out of boredom. I get up from my bed. Nagtungo ako sa kusina to look for something sweet to eat. May mga chocolate doon but I am craving for ice cream. Busy si Nana Mercy sa mga halaman sa likod. Tinanguan lang niya ako nang magpaalam ako. Hobby kasi niya iyon kahit hindi naman niya trabaho.

I went to the nearest ice cream parlor. Walking-distance lang. Sa loob din ng subdivision namin. Pumasok ako at pumili ng isang solo pack ng rocky road selecta ice cream. Yeah, kaya kong ubusin ito. At hindi iyon kataka-taka. Pang-got talent 'to.

Magbabayad na ako sa counter nang kasamang nahugot sa wallet ang isang pamilyar na maliit na card. Pinulot ko iyon bago ibinigay ang bayad kay ateng cashier. Dala-dala ko ang papel na iyon at kasama ng ice cream na inilapag ko sa mesang pinili ko. It's in the corner of the shop.

I lazily sat and started scooping my ice cream. Sumubo ako nang malaking quantity, napatingin pa sa akin ang isang lalaking teenager na nasa katabing mesa. Sanay na akong ganoon ang reaction nila kapag kumakain ako. At hindi ako mag-aadjust para sa kanila. I'll eat like the Shaza way. Napatitig ako sa maliit na card habang ninanamnam ang ice cream sa bibig ko.

If you need help, come to this place...
Naalala kong bilin ni Miss Future Educator sa gym. Binaliktad ko ang card at pinasadahang muli ang pangalang nandoon.

Rev. Xenon Timothy Dela Cuesta

Is he some kind of a doctor, a philantrophist, or what? Rev.? Must be an abbreviation. Di naman pwedeng Revelation? Mas lalo namang hindi ito Revolution. I think it's an abbreviation of his profession or what he does for a living.

Okay, kapag hindi alam, i-google natin. Bakit ko pa pahihirapan ang sarili ko? The answer is at my fingertips. So, I took my phone out of the pocket of my jacket.

Rev. - Reverend.
Religious term.

So this Xenon Timothy Dela Cuesta is a church pastor. And the address on the card must be his home or a church where he works. Yay! Feeling ko ang galing ko na sa deduction method. I still have 3 days before the semestral break ends. I will take the last semester then graduate. But before anything else, first things first.

I don't think I will graduate if this situation continues. I have to resolve the problem at hand like a real mature woman. I am not sure but my instinct commands me to go to this place. It's like there's a voice at the back of my mind urging me to find him.

What if, this is the Lord's answer to my questions? Naitanong ko sa sarili. I immediately open my google map to look for the address. It's just an hour's drive from home. Going west part of Luzon. I've never been to this place before.

I think I should try. Wala namang mawawala. Kung sakaling wala akong mapala, I'll just consider this as a road trip. At least I tried.

It's a good way na rin para makapag-unwind at makalayo muna sa problema. With that in mind, inubos ko ang aking ice cream. I left the shop with a firm decision.

I'll go...

♥