Getting Away with Gluttony

Kabanata 37

Katatapos ko lang basahin ang "steps in preparation for intercessionary prayer".

REPENT. Iyon ang unang step.

Well, I'm not the kindest or the nicest person in the planet. Madami din akong kalokohan mula pa noong bata ako. There are things that made me feel guilty as well.

I've hurt people, intentional or not.
I acknowledged those mistakes.

So, I asked for forgiveness to God and to other people. I also tried contacting those  people in my list just to say sorry for the wrong things I've done.

Including my special friends for neglecting them most of the time in exchange of the pleasure brought by those foods.

I wanted to talk to Prof. Aguirre's  fianceé. Too bad, she was out of town. Ang sabi ng katulong na nakausap ko sa address ng bahay niya na pinuntahan ko, baka daw hindi pa makabalik si Lyra, ang babaeng tinutukoy ko.

Wherever she is, I pray that she'll find peace and comfort for her lost.

"Baks, para ka namang nagpapaalam nyan." Saad pa ng isang kaibigan ko na nasa Italy.

"Nagsorry lang, nagpapaalam na?"

"Bait-baitan?"

"Changed person lang."simple niyang paliwanag bago nagpaalam.

And lastly, I have to face my greatest challenge in life.

Saul Matthew Ramirez.

Hindi naman maling makialam sa mangyayari. Pero, I should have done it the right way. So, ang consequence, may nadamay na ibang tao.

Kasalanan ko iyon. I still want to help him but I'll do it according to God's will this time.

As for my feelings for him, narealize kong hindi tama na pasimpleng nilandi-landi ko siya. Kahit pa sabihing safe flings 'yon. Still, I felt it was wrong.

I should have never take that opportunity para mangharot. I've helped him out somehow, but I took that chance to express my felings as well.

Kahit ilang beses niya akong ni-reject, nagpumilit pa din ako. I want to save him pero deep inside, siguro I also wanted him for myself.

How selfish of me.

That makes me an opportunist.
Ano? Sabik magkajowa?

But I remember the good times we had. Siguro, nakulitan lang talaga siya sa akin at pinagbigyan ako. Especially after he find out that he'll die anytime.

At dahil ako ang available and willing, wala siyang choice kundi ang pagbigyan at pagtiisan ako.

I mean, Saul Matthew Ramirez?  Magkakagusto sa isang Shaza Khrizz Ventura lang? Pwede siguro. Kapag naging square na ang buwan.

I'm not her type.
Sa kanya pa mismo galing iyon. Saka out of gratitude na din siguro dahil iniligtas ko siya kahit papaano.

Hindi talaga ako nag-iisip. Iniuntog-untog ko pa nang marahan ang sariling ulo sa study table. Ngayon lang nag-sink in lahat ng mga kaharutan at kabalbalang pinaggagawa ko sa buhay.

Lord, patawad! Isa akong mahinang nilalang.

Next time, gagalingan ko na.
Gagalingan ko na ang umiwas at magtimpi!
Nakakahiya talaga!