Warrior Hearts

Woman In Charge

"Are you truly ready to hear my answer, Singhania?" I ask, an undertone of hesitancy creeping into my voice. My mind is torn in two different directions as I'm speaking my thoughts out loud. The logical, sane end is warning me against laying forth my raw, naked vulnerabilities in front of Singhania. On the other hand, the utterly insane, impulsive part of my foolish brain is encouraging me to voice out what I've kept locked away since the night of our marriage. If I let Singhania into the inner circle of my thoughts, it will be the equivalent of me sharing one of my deepest, gravest secrets with him, and I'm unsure whether or not he would play the part of a trustworthy safe-keeper. 

 "You asked me about forgiveness a while back," I clarify, upon witnessing the cloud of confusion on Singhania's face. At once, his eyebrows tug upwards, realisation dawning across his features. In fact, a flash of eagerness bursts across his brown orbs, almost as if I'm granting him a wish that he's yearned for with every fibre of his being. "I didn't give you an answer before because it isn't as simple, or short as a one-worded reply. So if you're ready to hear a longwinded answer - a lengthy story - then I'll give it to you." 

Momentarily, I tighten my hold around my knees, silently wishing that Singhania will decide against seeking an answer from me. Perhaps he's fatigued, and lacks the patience to hear me out. Lord, please let it be so, I silently pray. After all, even though I am willing to give him an answer, it is most certainly not a task that I'm eager to perform. 

"I'm always ready to hear whatever you have to say," Singhania replies. Although his words deflate my hopes within seconds, I can't ignore the way the corner of my lips tugs upwards at his reply. Singhania has always been a smooth talker, I remind myself; a cautionary warning that I must not make the error of forgetting. Sighing, I bow my head towards the ground, my eyes gaining a sudden interest in the laces of my boots. 

"How do I forgive you, Singhania?" I question, allowing the words to hang in the air between us. Moistening my lips, I draw my gaze up to meet his. The sight that I'm met with takes me by surprise; Singhania catching me off guard once again. My lips part as I blink at his face, unsure of what I've said to warrant such an emotion in his brown orbs. Singhania's eyes seem to have dulled within seconds, all the shine having been sucked out of them by some unknown force. He's staring at me with a blank expression, as if I've delivered a news so terrible that it has knocked the very soul out of his body. 

"What's the punishment for murdering someone?" I continue, as I stare into the eyes of the soulless man in front of me. "That day, on the eve of our wedding - a day that is supposed to be the most memorable one in a girl's life - you sure as hell ensured I'd never forget it. For all the wrong reasons, of course," I add as an afterthought. Drawing my gaze away from Singhania, I glance back down towards the ground. On their own volition, my lips turn upwards into a dry smile. "You killed something inside of me that day, Singhania. So how do you expect me to forgive you for that?" Without waiting for an answer from my company, I rise to my feet. 

"I'll tell you what, Singhania." I say, turning around to face him. Raising my index finger in the air, I wag it in his direction. "Help me out. Show me a way to forgive you, and I will do so more than willingly. This is my promise to you." With exaggerated force, I jab my finger into my chest, and then point it back in Singhania's direction. Although I'm well aware that he won't have an answer for my proposition, I hover in my position, staring down at the man on the ground. If not for the subtle movement of Singhania's shoulders, I would've believe that he has turned into a statue. His eyes are still focused on the spot where I was seated a few seconds ago, the muscles on his face temporarily frozen. Shaking my head, I flick my wrist dismissively, as I begin to make my way back towards my tent. 

"Don't go into shock." I mumble, my feet carrying me right past Singhania's stationary figure. "I'll need all my men for tomorrow's battle." Bending down ever so slightly, I offer Singhania a quick pat on the shoulder.