Torment-A KOTLC Fanfic

Chapter 51

Hey guys. Here's an actually decent sized update, and it didnt take ages to upload!
But before you read this chapter, I need to talk to yall about something.
Like I've said, I've been running out of content that I wrote ahead of time. I'm trying to write more, but I havent done as much as I'd like. As much as I want to say it's just that I dont have time, I think it's a bit more than that. When I firsg started this story I had a lot of drive to finish it. I wrote almost every night. But now the passion to write is so much harder to find. Its turned into writing because I have to, not want to. Yes I enjoy writing, this story is just starting to get hard to write. I'm really sorry guys, but I'm not as passionate about this story as I used to. I kinda hate my old writing, and it almost feels awkward to continue it.
I am not saying that I am stopping this story. Please understand that. I just wanted to make sure that you all understand why my writing has been so spotty recently. It's sort of like prolonged writer's block. I'm really sorry that my writing isnt currently up to par, or at least not what I want it to be. Its kinda frustrating, but I'm still trying.
I will be continuing this story, because theres still more to happen in the plot and I want you to see it play out, I'm not abandoning you guys. I just want to make sure you all understand what's going on with the story.
Sorry, that was a lil bit heavy. Which no one really needs right now, but I needed to say it. Sorry guys, but yall dont wanna read this. So here you go. Without further aduo,
Enjoy.
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    Sophie helped him onto the cot the minute they got back. She could tell he was doing his best to hide it, but he was clearly exhausted. 

    “Livvy’s in the other room,” Elwin said as Sophie stepped away from Tam’s cot. He made a gesture towards the door that lead to the other part of the Healing Center, but Sophie stayed put.
   
    “Actually, could we have a second? I need to talk to Tam about something,” Sophie replied. Elwin looked between the two of them and nodded as he walked into the room he had said Livvy was in earlier.

    “So...what did you want to talk to me about?” Tam asked while she sat down on a cot across from him. She took in a shaky breath and gripped the edge of the cot.
“Sophie?” he said when she didn’t respond.
She fixed her gaze onto the ground.
   
    “When you passed out earlier, and I did too, I...there’s no good way to say this. I felt, heard, and saw everything.”

    “What do you-” He turned as pale as a sheet when the realization dawned on him. “Oh.”

    “Yeah.”
   
    “So you…?”
   
    “Saw the memory? Yup.” She pried her eyes away from the floor and forced herself to look at Tam. He looked at his shaking hands with a glint of terrified confusion shining in his eye, as if he was afraid of himself. 

     “You said you felt everything,” he eventually said, breaking the suspenseful silence. “Did you mean, everything?” Tam slowly closed his hands and met Sophie’s eyes. “All of the pain?” 

    She didn’t audibly respond, instead she looked away and nodded.
He sighed, and she could hear him whisper

    “No,” under his breath. “Sophie, I’m so sorry.” She turned her head back towards him at the apology to find him holding his head in his hands.

    “Tam, there is no reason to apologize,” she said while standing from her cot and making her way over to him. She sat back down on the edge of his cot. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
   
    “Yeah,” he agreed, almost begrudgingly. “But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s-”

    “If that sentence ends in ‘My fault’, I’m going to have to stop you there.” When he shut his mouth she assumed that meant she’d guessed right. She let out a hefty sigh,“You know how dangerous guilt is.”

    He muttered something that sounded like a “Yeah.”

    “Then please, please, understand that this isn’t your fault.”

    “But...it kind of is. And before you lecture me-” he added when she opened her mouth to do just that. “I know it’s not intentionally my fault. But I’m still the cause, even if it’s inadvertently.” 

    “That doesn’t mean I’m just going to let you feel guilty about something beyond your control. I know you didn’t mean to do anything, and so do you, so don’t worry about it.” 

    “Ok,” he said. But his voice wasn’t very convincing. She could tell he still held himself at blame, and that they would have to re-address that later.

    “Tam? I also want to let you know,” she border-line timidly placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’m here if you need me.”
   
    “What do you mean?”
   
    “Nothing. Just that...I’ve got your back. If you ever need anything, just say the word.”
  
     “Okkkkkk, but you kinda already make it clear you’re here for anyone if they need you. It’s just who you are, and I respect it. I just…what are you saying?”
   
    She pulled the hand that was on her shoulder back to her lap and started fidgeting with the hem of her glove. “Tam, you know I’ve been through...a lot. So, I sort of understand things like this a bit more.” He gave her a confused glance, causing her to sigh. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, well, I understand what you went through. I know what that’s like. I may not have the exact same experiences as you, but I can really relate. Especially because of this Shadowflux link thing. I...I know what you’re going through. I just want to make certain you know that if you ever need to talk about what happened, or you feel alone about it, I’ve got your back.”

     He stared at his feet for a bit, and what was probably a few seconds felt like half an hour.“I… thank you,” Tam finally said while offering a small smile. “Really, thanks.” Sophie smiled back at him in return. He opened his mouth to say something, but it was cut off with a yawn. 

    “I’ll let you get some rest,” Sophie said. Tam nodded in response.

    “Oh, and Sophie?” He called as Sophie made her way over to the door Elwin had went into earlier. She turned back towards Tam, “If you need to tell Fitz, or show him the memory, I’m ok with it. But, only Fitz.”

    Sophie smiled, “Thanks.”