Holding Onto You

Ch. 12

Maya's pov

"How are you feeling right now May?" Ava asks.

"Like crap." I say.

Everything hurts so much. I hate that I really decided to walk up the stairs alone. I should've known it'd hurt. I don't know why I decided it'd be ok to do that. It wasn't, I feel the consequences of my decision.

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Bailey asks.

I shake my head and she frowns as she look at me, "I'm sorry Maya."

"It's ok, I mean I had to get up the stairs somehow. It's kinda where my bedroom is. I wasn't going to let either of you carry me up here." I say.

"Do you need anything to eat or drink? You haven't really ate much today." Ava says.

"I'm ok, I promise. It's hard to eat on this pain medicine. It just makes me feel extremely nauseated." I say.

I wish I didn't even have to take it at all, but my mom's not exactly going to just let me not take it. She isn't going to just let me choose to suffer through my pain when she doesn't have a reason as to why I want to. Even with my reason, it's not like its a very good one.

Bailey carefully sits beside me doing her best not to shift my bed too much. I appreciate that, but with even the smallest movements I do feel it. Even if you just drop a phone onto my bed, I do feel the shock from it and it will hurt.

I turn my head to Ava who just sits at the chair by my desk, "So what do you want to do Maya? We could watch a movie or play video games. Basically your go to favorites." Ava says.

"I don't really know."

The only thing I'm thinking about is Kenzie and how I'm going to break up with her. Before now it was hard to do because I just wanted her because I wanted to feel affection. I wanted attention even if it hurt. But this was too much for me. Far too much.

"Do you want your phone?" She asks.

"Please." I say.

She digs around in the pocket of her sweatpants until she finds it. She then passes it to me and I unlock my phone and open my messages with Kenzie. I read through them and realize she hasn't sent me a single message in a week.

Scared, but knowing it needs to be done, I just send the text of 'I think we need to break up' and watch it say delivered. Immediately it goes to read and I watch the three dots appear on my screen before I see her response of 'Did you not hear what I said when you left my house or are you deaf?' I stare at my phone confused. I don't remember her saying a word when I left her bedroom. But of course it's possible I didn't hear her over my own thoughts.

I swallow the lump in my throat and ignore the pounding in my chest as I type 'No??' and send it. Immediately I get the reply back of 'I said don't bother coming back, I'm breaking up with you'. I reread it trying to figure out when in the situation she actually said that. I don't remember it being said at all. Maybe I didn't hear it, but I swear it never happened. Kenzie is the type to try and claim she did or said something when she didn't. So many times I've listened to her tell someone a story that didn't happen, or fabricate it so much to the point it's not even truthful anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if this is something she's doing to make me feel stupid and embarrassed. It's working as well.

I watch the three dots disappear as I begin to type. I just send 'I'm sorry, I didn't hear you' in which she replies with 'I'm not surprised, you're just a dumbass'. I leave my messages at that point and lock my phone to see Ava looking at me protectively, "Who's ass am I beating? You're sad." She says.

I shake my head, "I'm fine."

"No you're not, someone hurt you." She says.

Lot's of people have hurt me, it's nothing new. I really need to learn to have a larger wall up because I continue to get hurt due to me trusting people who really shouldn't be trusted. I continue to fuck myself over. At some point you'd think I learn, but have I? Clearly not.

"A, it's fine." I say.

She rolls her eyes, "When I find out, I'm sending Max their location and giving him the ok to beat someone's ass." She says.

"Does he really beat people up? I know he's your bodyguard and everything, but I thought they just do that in movies. I didn't think they actually beat people up in real life." Bailey says.

I turn my head to her and see her looking at me with genuine curiosity, "No, he doesn't beat anyone up. He just aims to protect us and make sure we're safe wherever we go. I'm sure if someone actually did try and come up and beat us, then he would. But my moms fans are usually pretty respectful of us. As for my dads fans, I don't really think his ever try and actually meet us. I've never really seen or met his fans before. I'm sure he has some, but they never fangirl or fanboy like my moms do.

She nods understandingly, "But if I told him someone hurt Maya, he'd make sure they get hurt to. He'll never admit it, but he loves us like his own. You hurt one of us, he goes dad mode and plans his attack." Ava says.

Yeah, Max looks like a major jerk and bad guy, but he's honestly a major softie. Ava and I had him playing princess tea party when we were little. The photos are hilarious to look at, he really got into character and came through for us. Our dad never did it. Our mom didn't either. Honestly, Max has always been easier for me to talk to and turn to for things. If I'm dragged to a tour date to watch my mom, and I'm upset about something, count on me hunting Max down and spilling everything wrong and listening and following the advice he gives me. Don't expect me to turn to my parents, it usually doesn't happen if max is around. Or ever really.

"Man that sounds so cool." Bailey says.

"Not as cool as you think. I mean we don't really get to do a lot of normal things. I wish we had normal parents and could just do normal things. It sucks having to have a bodyguard approve everything you do because if they don't then it's likely that you'll end up swarmed and mobbed. Maya and I talk about it all the time. It's why we want to go to a college out of state and practically in the middle of no where. We just want normalcy for once in out life. It's never been normal for us." Ava says.

"Yeah I kinda get that part. I mean you can't even hang out with me usually unless Max is with us where ever we go. It's always been a bit weird to have him at the movies with us or even at a trampoline park." She says.

"Yeah, it got old a long time ago." I mumble.

I love Max, hate my life. It sounds like a lot of fun to have my mom as a parent. I know that so many people wish they had her as their mom. However it's not fun to have paparazzi ruin everything for you. It's not fun to be known as 'One of Demi Lovato's twin daughter' and just that. Everything I do is on the front page of a magazine and it's not even my name. It's literally 'one of Demi Lovato's twin daughters' because not a single paparazzi person can tell us apart. It's not fun to have to constantly have to be mature and in line because the second you aren't then it's front page of a magazine and your moms yelling at you because you're her daughter and are making her look bad. Ava and I would give up our life in a heartbeat for normalcy. The amount of times I've been in situations and thought 'I wish I was never born' is more than I'll ever admit out loud. But I'm miserable. Absolutely miserable honestly.