Holding Onto You

Ch. 29

Maya's pov

By 5 in the morning, the urge to crash has come. All the adrenaline inside my body has vanished. The one energy drank I had at near 1 am is completely gone. The ability to stay awake is more than I can fight off.

Trying to fight off sleep right now is difficult. I'm so tired I feel like I'm trying to fight off the effects of anesthesia. I can feel my eyes close and the second I realize they are, I open them. It's getting more and more dangerous and I'm aware of that. I am aware I need to stop driving, but there's no where to stop. I don't know where I am and I know I'm far from a phone call for anyone to just come get me in an hours time.

I rest my head on the steering wheel and stare at the headlights of the 18 wheeler in front of me. Tired of how slow it's driving, I do a lane change hoping to get further head at a faster time on whatever highway I've ended up on.

Unwillingly, my eyes close and I quickly open them to see an 18 wheeler attempting a lane change and my car inches from being beneath it. My heart races and fear hits me in a matter of seconds before I hear multiple car horns and see the 18 wheeler hit my car.

Oh my god I'm about to die, I'm about to die. Why am I scared now? Why am I scared of something I've wanted for as long as I can remember. This isn't a bad thing, why am I fucking scared?!

I feel my head slam into my car door and the pain in my head is felt at the same time I hear my airbags deploy. I hear ringing and feel the extreme pain in my head all at once. I don't know where it's coming from, but I feel something wet on my thighs before everything goes dark in a matter of seconds. I see nothing. I hear nothing. I feel nothing.

Demi's pov

"I don't think she's ok anymore." I whisper.

"Hermosa, we don't know that. They are still looking. They haven't found her car at a state park or near one and thats good news. It means that one more place she isn't. It means she could very well be just driving." Wilmer says.

"I don't think so anymore, she'd be back by now."

He looks down at me before wiping away my tears for the millionth time this morning, "We can't assume the worst Demi. Not whe-"

I look at him as his phone begins to ring and he accepts the call and puts it on speaker, "Is this Wilmer Valderrama? Father of Maya Valderrama?"

"It is." Wilmer says.

"At 5:45 this morning Maya entered in through our trauma unit. She was in critical condition the second she arrived. We were told by the police that she got in an accident with an 18 wheeler. We've done a lot of testing and gotten her to critical, but stable condition. There is a chance she could go back down to Critical condition. Maya's injuries are very serious and we are not sure what condition she will be in even after she wakes up, or if she wakes up."

I just break down at this. My daughter is in critical condition. She may not even wake up. They found her and she's not ok.

"Where is she?" Wilmer asks.

With a hospital name and as much information as they can give us right now, Wilmer hangs up.

"I'm going to tell Ava and Emilio the news, can you please call one of our parents to watch the twins?" He asks.

"Yeah." I sob.

He pulls me into his arms protectively an kisses the top of my head, "Demi, she's got so much strength inside her. We've known that for a very long time babe. If anyone is capable of pulling through, it's her. We haven't ever underestimated her before this, we can't do that now." He says.

"She doesn't want it Wil, she doesn't want to fight." I cry.

"Demi, she always has. We can't think like this. We have got to think positively and keep strong for our kids. We can't think of her like weak now Demi, she's made it through all her worst points by herself. She is strong and we have got to remind ourselves of this. Maya is not weak and never has been weak." He says.

"Just get the kids, I want to go see Maya." I cry.

He lets out a soft sigh before leaving our bedroom and I pick up my phone and call my mom, "Hello?" I hear.

"I'm sure you've seen the news and every thing has been really hard and stressful the past few hours. They found Maya in Arizona and she's in critical, but stable condition after being in a car accident with an 18 wheeler. I need you to watch the twins, please." My voice cracks.

"Demi I'm on my way right now, I'll be there in less than 15 minutes." She says.

"Thank you."

"Of course, how's the older ones doing?" She asks.

"Just as bad as Wilmer and I are. Ava knew a lot that helped them but mom, I didn't know so much about what Maya has done in the past and everything hurts a million times more right now. I failed her completely. She's been in so much pain for so long and I didn't even know. Ava knew, Emilio knew some things, Bella knew things and yet I knew none of it. I feel like the worlds worst mom right now."

"Demi, you are not the worlds worst mom. You are an amazing mom. When your child doesn't want you to know something, they will make sure you don't find out. That's something I learned with you and Dallas. It's something I found out with Madison years later. What you didn't know, is because Maya did everything she possibly could to ensure you didn't. That does not mean you are a bad mother. You love those kids with everything inside of you and everyone knows that. You'd die for them and you do everything you can to put them before yourself. You are not selfish and no good parent is. Demi, Maya loves you. The amount of times shes come over and wanted to go home because she missed you is more than I can remember. She doesn't hate you and none of your kids do. All teenagers have secrets hun, teenagers are sneaky and know how to hide things. That is not your fault for not noticing, you can not blame yourself for any of this."

"How can I not blame myself when the reason she ran off was because of a conversation we had over something she didn't want to talk about? I pushed her to talk and she's laying in a hospital bed because of that." I cry.

"No, she's not there because of that. She's there because of a car accident Demi. That could've happened when she was coming or going to school. A car accident is not your fault and can not always be prevented. It was an accident, it's not your fault. You didn't tell an 18 wheeler to hit your daughter." She says.

"No, but I caused her to run off which put her in the position to have this happen."

"Demi, it's not your fault sweetheart. It's easy to put the blame on yourself in situations like this, but it's not your fault. I used to blame myself for so much in the past and I look back at it now and can realize it wasn't my fault. This is something you can't control and isn't your fault." She says.

I just sob not knowing what else to do. My daughters in a hospital room in an entirely different state because of things I said last night. It is my fault, I pushed her to run off. If I wouldn't have pushed so hard for information, Wilmer wouldn't have slipped up. I should've just taken her to a doctor and let a doctor ask the questions. I messed up. I messed up big time and it seems like I just continue to mess up. I continue to go wrong in so many situations.

"Ok, I'm walking out the front door right now. I'll be over there soon. I'm going to hang up." She says.

"Ok." I whisper.

I hear the line go dead and I get up and grab my purse. I put my phone into it before wiping my tears and walking into the living room where Wilmers holding a sleeping Bella, Emilio is in horror, and Ava is just crying.

It's all my fault.