Holding Onto You

Ch. 36

Maya's pov

All this feels so weird. It's like being dead but being able to see and hear. I feel nothing, I smell nothing, I taste something. The taste is not good. It's like a plastic taste. I remember when I had an IV one time the doctor told me it was just saline I'm tasting and it wasn't anything to worry about. So I'm really hoping this isn't something I should be worried about, because if it is, well I cant talk. Or move. Or really do much of anything.

I never realized how much effort blinking even took until now. But you know what, I took that for granted. Something I didn't even have to think about doing now takes so much effort to do. It's so hard to do.

"I'm going to have to get Bella some food, does anyone else want to come to the cafeteria?" Dad asks.

"I do." Emilio says.

"I'm good." Ava says.

"I am too for right now." Mom says.

"Me too, I'm good." Bailey says.

I can't believe she's here right now. I mean of course I want her to be, but I can't imagine how hard it's been to have to be here. Or how hard it's been to stay here. If I was in her position I'd be in so much pain.

I hear the hospital door open and close letting me know my dad and brother have just made and exit out of the hospital room and are headed to the cafeteria. A place I can't imagine is too good. Hospital food never is good.

"You can finally see the stars on the ceiling. You've always loved the stars, I guess they knew that when they put you in this room." Ava says.

I have always loved the stars. I don't know much about astrology or space, I've just loved looking at all the stars in the sky. They all are so beautiful and calming to look at. I don't know, I just like looking up at the stars.

"Yea, but they are yellow. Maya's not too fond of the color yellow. She always said it gives her a head ache because it's too bright and that it's too happy of a color. When she looks at yellow it reminds her of mustard and she wants to throw up." Bailey says.

"Oof Maya, what did yellow ever do to you?"

A lot.

"She's more of a blue fan. It reminds her of the ocean and the sound of ocean waves is calming. Plus the color itself is very calming." Bailey says.

Man my girlfriend knows me more well than my own family does. I wouldn't be surprised if she knew me better than I knew myself honestly.

"So Maya I know you can hear and are probably wondering where you might be. I know I would be at least. You're in Arizona, but not Phoenix. You got transported here. It's kinda really pretty, you'd like it once you could actually get to see it." Ava says.

I really wasn't thinking about where I was until now, but now I am. My brain just thought I was at some hospital in California. I remember what happened, I just didn't really put the pieces of where I am now together.

"The hospital has this like indoor garden and they said once you're a bit more stable you'd be able to go see it. I asked weeks ago when I found out about it." Bailey says.

Weeks? How long have I actually been here for? I know a while, but I didn't think as in absolute weeks.

"Maybe your health will be better in a few weeks and they'll let you go see it. The scenery in here isn't worth looking at that much." Mom says softly.

It's so weird to be able to think and see. I feel like I'm just floating above my body and watching everyone else. Yet at the same time feel trapped in my head because that's the only thing that works other than my eye sight.

"But no rush, you've done so amazing today. You've done a lot in one day." Ava says.

What do you mean no rush? I want to move and speak. Of course there is a rush here. I don't like feeling trapped in my own brain.

"You've done remarkable things Maya." Mom says.

I don't like these compliments. They do not make me happy or feel good. They all sound like lies. Make them stop.

"I think that's enough compliments for one day. She doesn't like many of them." Bailey says.

"Yeah." Ava agrees.

Thanks babe. You really do know me better than my family or myself. Thanks for looking out for me even here.

"Maya do you want us to ask you yes or no questions? Can you blink for yes?" Bailey asks.

Well I want to be included in the conversation around me. I also want something to do. So I use all the strength I have to blink.

"Maybe do have I ever questions so she can blink or not blink." Ava suggests.

"Maya have you ever lied to a teacher?" Bailey asks.

All the time. I'm thankful that most of my teachers don't fact check things or don't have Ava as a student. When I have a deadline, and I can't finish something on time, I always ask for an extension and say that I couldn't finish something due to circumstances at home regarding my parents job. When actuality I drove 2 states away and didn't do my homework.

I give a blink causing Bailey to laugh, "I find it hard to believe, you'll have to tell me that story when you can."

"Maya did you like mom's colored hair? You used to say all the time that you did and hyped her up and supported the colored hair." Ava says.

Did anyone like the colored hair? It looked cool, but it didn't look good. Not with the cut she had and color choices she choose. I mean the blue Ombre was ok I guess. But I think this in regards to all hair color she had.

"Ouch, that one hurt a little Maya." I hear my mom say when she doesn't see me blink.

Honesty is the best policy right?

"You like New York better than California?" Bailey asks.

Hear me out, I love New York. I love the lights. I love the small noise, or small noise I used to hear in out apartment at least. I love how beautiful times square is. I love how it's not all about cringe Instagram influencers, youtubers, and just anything social media influence.

I blink, "Interesting, I didn't know that." Mom says.

"Instagram is your least favorite app?" Ava asks.

I blink yet again, "Mine too." Bailey agrees.

"Hmm." Bailey thinks, "You don't like sprinkles?"

I blink. I hate sprinkles. They ruin the flavor and taste. It's like taking a mouth full of food dye and that's it.

The questions continue and I hear a door open and close, "What'd I miss?" I hear Emilio ask.

"Oh, we're asking Maya questions because she said she wanted to answer them. But we're continuing to make sure she still wants to answer them. She still does, you can ask her one if you want." Ava says.

"You still want a pet ferret?" Emilio asks and I blink.

"Ugh me too. Maybe we can sneak one in the college dorm Maya. I mean it can't be that hard to sneak one into the dorm can it?" Bailey asks.

If I even get to go to college with her. I mean I know I'm less likely to even graduate now which makes me sad to think about. I mean I don't think I'll be able to graduate on time like I was supposed to. Not with all this happening now.

"She's just been blinking?" I hear dad ask.

"Mhm." Mom replies.

"You still want to keep going Maya?" Ava asks.

I blink letting her know I do. I need something to entertain myself. This is all I can do right now. I don't have anything else to do. So yes, I'm going to do this until they run out of questions to ask me. Because it make's me feel included in things right now.

I might not be able to do much, but at least I can blink. Until I stop blinking, I want the questions to continue. I want to keep my brain working. Maybe the more I use it, the quicker I'll get better? Maybe? Is that a thing? I hope it's a thing. I want it to be a thing. I really do. I want to just be able to be me again. I hate feeling the way I actually do.