Holding Onto You

Ch. 28

Demi's pov

"How was her behavior today? Did she seem off or-"

"Depressed she cried all day." Ava snaps at the officer.

"What was she wearing last?" He asks.

"A black t shirt and purple running shorts." Wilmer says.

I turn my head to him and look at Bella shaking in his lap as she cries as quietly as she can. The fear of where Maya is plus the fear of a police officer is sending her anxiety into overdrive right now.

"Do happen to know her license plate number?"

Ava tells it to him with not a single thought and I'm relieved to know she knew that crucial bit of information. I couldn't have given it to him.

"Does she have any medical issues?" He asks.

"Other than depression, we don't have a diagnosis on anything else."

"Has she ever attempted before?"

"No she-"

"Two months ago, overdose on antidepressants. She's been suicidal for along time, she'd use to try and drown herself in the bathtub when she was really small. Anytime we go to the lake, she tries. Anytime theres water, she tries. It's always been drowning until a few years ago when she started researching more and more ways to do things. She's tried with cough medicine and eating foods she's allergic to. She's tried go running and have an asthma attack so severe that she dies. She's tried a lot of things. Two months ago was the last time she tried anything." Ava says.

The officer takes note of that more than he has anything else Ava's said, "What lakes do go to often?" He asks.

"I don't know, none here. Only in Texas. Maya goes alone to go hiking and knows of many state parks with lakes." Ava says.

"Has she ever ran away before?" He asks.

"All the time, she usually tends to go to Phoenix when she's upset. But she only does that when she's angry at someone to clear her head. But she always comes back the next morning. She did it mostly on school nights. She'd drive all the way there and go to school then just drive all the way back after school and come back to school and would do it until she cleared her head." Ava says.

I watch the officer take note of that before using his walky talky, "Can we work with Arizona pd and get a unit to wait at the New Mexico and Arizona boarder? There's a chance she might head to Phoenix." He says.

"We'll work on that right now. Anything else?" I hear.

"State Parks nearby, family is saying she could be there as well."

Theres an ok before he looks back at Ava, "How has her mood been the past few days? Has she been kinda off?"

"Yeah. She's been upset for a few days and I think she reached her breaking point." Ava says.

I see Bella reach for me and Wilmer passes her off to me to hold. I wrap my arms around her as she digs her nails into my ribs as she holds onto me tight. I kiss the top of her head and rub her back gently.

"Has she taken anything in the past few hours that might put her at risk of any type of complication or lead to a medical problem?" He asks.

"She had a medical issue which did lead to pain medication needing to be used. I do think she took some tonight and she wasn't supposed to be driving on it." I say.

He jots that down on his notes before looking at me, "We will go ahead and file a missing person report. We usually do not do this until 24 to 48 hours but due to there being a chance that she is planning to harm herself, we will be doing that and looking for her tonight. As soon as we have any information we will get in touch with you." He says and I give a small nod.

He leaves almost as quick as he arrived and I stare at my oldest kids who are in tears, "She's not dead so I don't want you to think that she is. Maya could be clearing her mind right now and I don't want you to assume the wo-"

"She fucking ran away because you fucking told her I told you the exact fucking thing she asked me to never fucking tell you! She's not fucking ok! She's not going to end up being fucking ok! Stop telling me she's going to be fucking fine!" Ava yells.

She kicks the coffee table out of her way causing the vases to shatter on the floor before storming upstairs. Bella cries harder in my arms at Ava's yelling and the sound of broken glass.

"I've got you Bella." I say softly.

"No mommy." She cries.

"I do baby girl. You'll be ok." I say.

"MayMay." She cries harder.

I lay down on the couch and put Bella beside me and the couch. I get the blanket off the top of the couch and get her and I covered up as she cries into my ribs. I wrap my arms around her protectively and move onto my side causing her to cry into my chest.

"They are going to look for MayMay and do everything they can for her. I know you're scared baby, but we did this just in case the worst was happening. Maya may be ok and just diving around to think. She could be totally fine, but we just did this in case she needs a little help." I say.

"Emilio what are you thinking about?" Wilmer asks.

"I didn't know about everything Ava just said and it's kinda becoming a bit harder to believe Maya's intentions aren't to do anything to herself. Before I knew all that I thought you guys were just overreacting, but now it feels like you're not doing enough. Why don't we go look for her? Why aren't we trying to call more of her friends to ask what is going on? She has more friends that people in the groupchat her and Ava are in. She has more friends than in there. I mean she's got so many internet friends on social media. Tons of groupchats there and what if she talked in there and said things?" He asks.

I myself feel like there's more I should be doing. I'm just sitting here not doing anything other than worrying about her and praying she's ok. But I don't feel like I'm doing enough at all.

I hear Bella hyperventilate beside me, "Bella breathe more me. Lets breathe." I say.

"I don't think she'd do it, I mean not now at least. If there's going to be any reason she wouldn't it'd be Bella. She may hate the rest of us but not Bella. She'd die for Bella in a heartbeat." Emilio says.

I hope he's right, I really hope he's right. I hope that her mind drifts to Bella and that ignites a feeling inside of her. I know Maya loves her little sister to death so I hope she things about her and that's enough for her to come back home. But I don't know. I wasn't aware of all Maya has done in the past and that's broke me inside.

I feel so blind. How did I not know about any of this? How did I miss this all? How did I not notice my own child in so much pain she's not try to end it once, but multiple times. How did I miss it all? I understand Maya's hatred to me right now. I hate myself right now.

I haven't failed her once, I haven't failed her twice, I have failed her many times. Ava was right, some of the things she needed to talk to me about were so much more serious than a song or work. I should've been there for her and I wasn't. I'm to blame for a lot of her pain.