Holding Onto You

Ch. 45

Demi's pov

"She seems off. Has she been ok when you were with her at the hospital?" Wilmer asks.

"She had been, yes. I think it could be boy problems."

"I don't like where this is going. This is why I hate them dating, now she's hurt."

"I'm going to talk to her and find out what's wrong." I roll my eyes, "Try not to think of how you're going to kill her boyfriend in the meantime." I say.

I get up from the couch and walk upstairs before heading straight to Ava's room. I give a small knock and hear a faint, "Yeah."

Knowing I'm welcome, I walk in and close the door behind me. I sit at the end of her bed and it's only when I do that when I see the tears on her face.

"Do you want to talk about what you're upset about?" I ask.

"It's nothing of significance, just me me being overdramatic."

"I beg to differ, you're upset. If you're upset, then it's not exactly nothing."

She wipes her tears before turning her head to me. I move further back on her bed until my backs touching her wall and she can look at me without having to turn her head.

"Did you ever care about someone so much that when you're away from them it physically hurts and you feel completely empty and don't know what to do with yourself? Except you know you'll see them the next day and you're texting them all day, yet texting isn't enough. Nor is facetime or calling them. So you're just like hurting all day until you see them again and everything's fine. You're happy, everything feels right, and you're full of life until you have to say goodbye and you're back to feeling how you were before?" She asks.

Ok so I was right, it's definitely boy problems. Just not the type of boy problems I thought were happening. I assumed it was fighting, which it clearly is not. My mistake.

"Do you want an honest answer? Or do you want me to spare the details of my relationships which you call gross?" I ask.

"Honest answer so I don't feel like an absolute dumbass." Her voice cracks.

I move beside her and wipe her tears feeling my heart ache at her pain. Her lip quivers as she looks at me with glossy eyes from the tears.

"When I first was dating your dad, that's exactly how I felt. It was the first serious relationship I felt like I had and goodbyes were always so hard. It hurt saying them and broke me when he'd leave. When you really love someone, and find the person you're meant to be with, they are you're other half. It's hard to function without them. Until you have them right beside you, you feel so empty and broken. They become everything to you, they become your entire world." I say.

"Well how did you make it better?" She whispers.

Getting pregnant and having to get an apartment together and preparing to be parents is not the answer to the question. Things weren't ok until I had him there every moment and never had to say goodbye.I know that is my answer, but it's not one I'll tell Ava. I don't want her to be a teen mom.

"I don't know A, I think when you love something that much you always feel lost and empty without them. When I go on tour I always feel lost and empty with you, your sisters, your brothers, and your dad. You've just got to distract yourself and know that you'll see that person soon enough." I say.

"That doesn't help, I know that. I tell myself that and it still feels like bad. It hurts, my chest hurts. It feels tight, I feel panic. I feel down and lost. I feel empty. I feel sick." She cries.

To me, it sounds like she's grown emotionally attached to him and relies on him to make her feel better. It's not something I'd say surprises me if it were the truth. She doesn't talk to her dad or I about anything. She's got to talk to someone about things.

"A, just breathe. Everything's ok. He's ok, you're ok. You'll see him tomorrow and-"

"It's not ok! I'm not ok! I need him!" She cries harder.

"Ava, hun, you're going to make yourself si-"

"I already feel sick, I don't care." She cries.

"Well I don't want to see you make yourself sick babygirl. How about we spend the day together and try and get your mind off things? We haven't spent some time together in a while. It's been about Maya the past few months." I say.

"I don't want to mom." She cries.

"Come on, lets spend the day together." I push.

"I don't want to mom." She sobs.

"I'll give you an hour Ava, were gonna get out of the house today and spend the day together." I decide.

I wipe her tears and kiss her forehead before getting up and giving her space. I close her door behind me and walk downstairs to Wilmer, "So?"

"No argument or broken heart, she just misses him."

"Misses him? She stayed the night at his house." He rolls his eyes.

I sit beside him and make eye contact with him, "Wilmer, stop. I felt the same way she did at some point in our relationship. I still do when I have to leave for a longer period of time. When you love someone that much it's hard. Separation is hard, especially when you grow emotionally dependent and attached. She's definitely reliant on him and as much as you don't want to hear that, that's the truth. We made some mistakes Wilmer, maybe had we not then she wouldn't be so dependent on him to make things better. I don't know, but you can't view it as her overreacting." I say.

"What do you mean you still do? What do you still feel?" He asks concerned.

I take a deep breath and decide it's not worth mentioning now. If I do, it's likely he's going to be eerie about a tour or anything I do that leads to me leaving for a long period of time.

I left his lips and give him a weak smile, "Nothing, it's ok. It's nothing to worry about."

"Dem-"

"I'm gonna spend the day with Ava and see if I can maybe get her mind off some things. Are you ok watching Maya and the girls? The twins too? If not maybe you can spend the day with Ava and I watch the kids? I know you've had to watch them-"

"I'll be fine watching them. I'll make sure to watch Maya eats dinner and feed the twins another bottle. I'll be alright."

I give a small nod and hear footsteps coming downstairs. I turn my head and see Bailey walking down stairs, "Quick question." She says.

"I'm listening." I say.

"So like hypothetically speaking." she says.

I turn towards her to let her know I'm listening as she continues her question, "since my meds don't work anyway and I'm still mentally unstable on them, I could technically not take them and still be mentally unstable but without having to swallow pills." She says.

"If that's what you want to do then you need to talk to your doctor about wanting to get off meds. If you stop taking them all the sudden then you could go through serious withdrawal from them. You're on what? An antidepressant, a stimulant, and a mood stabilizer?" I ask.

"Uhh I don't know. I only take 2 cause my mom takes the third."

"Well, the stimulant is going to cause withdrawal as will the antidepressant. There's no safe way to just stop taking meds. Have you been taking them?" I ask.

She laughs sarcastically, "Well you see, that's a cute story ahaha. You know what, I'll just accept that answer, thanks."

With that she runs back upstairs and I keep a mental note to ask her about the medication usage at another time. Because as long as she's here, she's my responsibility. I'm not going to allow her to do anything that'll allow damage to herself.

She is like a fourth daughter to me and I'm going to treat her the exact way I would my own kids. I'll let the answer slide for now, but I'll be checking with her on it later.