Holding Onto You

Ch. 4

Mayas pov

Even after Ava's master plan last night, I didn't feel an ounce better about anything. My mind stayed on her all night and dinner only worsened things with questions like "are you ok Maya?", "You seem a bit down", "what's bothering you?", "well, you know you can come to us about anything don't you?", and so on.

After texting her all night, I somehow, someway, managed to convince her to try and give this another shot. It's 6 am and I couldn't be more excited to get out of this house and see her. Will I end up hurt after? More than likely. But at least I'll have her attention for no less than an hour.

I grab my car keys off my desk and quietly slip out of my room. I make it out the front door without being caught and I'm past the security gate before my mom will ever be told. She won't be able to react quick enough is what I'm basically trying to say. It'll be too late for her to do anything by the time she's told I've left.

After a few minutes, I make it to Kenzie's house and give her a text to let her know I'm here. I hop out of my car with my keys and phone then walk to the front door. Kenzie opens it but there's no 'good morning' or 'hello' just a cold stare.

I just follow behind her to her room silently and she closes the door behind us, "So you came crawling back." She says before getting back into her bed.

"I fucked up." I say.

"Yeah, I know. So tell your sister to shove her advice up her ass and stay out of the relationship. I'm dating you, not her. She's less attractive than you are and more annoying too."

I'd be lying if I said that didn't hurt. She knows Ava's practically the only person I have. Avas far from being non attractive. She's so much prettier than I am and I wish I was as pretty as her. She got all the good genes really.

"I'm sorry." I apologize.

"Sure." She says sarcastically.

Guilt consumes me at the fact she thinks I'm lying. I didn't mean to hurt her. I really didn't. If me choosing Ava over here did, then I'm genuinely sorry.

I get in bed beside her and wrap my arms around her, "I am Kenzie, I promise I'll make it up to you."

"What have I told you about being clingy?"

I remove my arms from her waist and get out of her bed and just stand as she stared at me, "Much better. Until you're ready to actually have sex, don't count on getting back into my bed."

Affection with Kenzie doesn't happen anymore. It did at one time and then it turned into me being clingy and so she cut it off a while ago. Does it hurt? Yeah. But I guess I understand.

"Will it make you feel better?" I ask.

"I wouldn't know. It's been a year and you still haven't even done anything with me."

Yeah, you heard it. I am 17 and still haven't done it with my first girlfriend after a year. The idea is scary to me and I don't even know how to do it or what to do. But if it'll fix things between us, I'll try. I just want things to be better again.

"I'm sorry."

She looks at me from her phone, "You're not sorry, it's not like you'll ever do it. Because everything's about you in the relationship isn't it?"

"If it'll make you feel better, I will."

She laughs sarcastically, "I'd love to see it."

At this point my heart is racing, I feel slightly nauseous, and feel extremely hot. But I do my best to ignore the clear signs of anxiety telling me not to. I have to do this. I just want things to be better.

I slip my shirt off and take my bra off and drop them onto the floor, "Your boobs are a bit small. I didn't realize you've been wearing a push up bra this whole time. But we'll make it work."

I give a small nod and sit on her bed as she takes off my shorts and drops them onto the floor, "So you'll really do this and let me do whatever I want?" She asks.

I stare up at her and give a small nod, "Yes."

"Are you going to stop when it hurts? Because if so what's even the point? It's your first time, like yeah it'll hurt."

"No, I promise."

Do I trust that she won't purposely make it hurt? No. But am I willing to endure it all if it means proving that I really am sorry and am going to do what I can to make her feel better? Yes. Will I regret it after it hurts? Probably.

Demi's pov

I hear the door open and I jolt awake to see a look of panic on Ava's face, "What's wrong Ava?" I ask tiredly.

"Why did you let Maya leave?"

"I didn't."

"Well she's not here!"

You have to be joking. Where is she and how did she leave? Security should've stopped her. I should've at least been told she left if they failed to even do that. The reason being is safety.

I grab my phone to see not a single notification on my phone, "Ok well, where do you think she'd be and can you go get her?" I ask.

"At a friends house who's very toxic and she shouldn't be around, and no, I can't. If I show up I'll have my ass beat because this friend absolutely hates me." She says.

At that statement, Wilmer wakes up, "Who wants to beat you up?" He asks alarmed.

Ava turns her head to him, "One of Mayas friends."

"And she hangs out with them knowing that?" He asks getting more and more upset with the information.

"Papá you don't understand. I do. I get why she keeps going back, I understand Maya more than I want to. It's not her fault. Please don't get mad at her. I swear it's not her doing it on purpose in an attempt to hurt me. She's just not-" Ava starts but stops.

Her stare goes to the floor as I sit up, "She's just not what Ava?" I ask.

"I feel like I've said too much already."

"Well keep it between the three of us."

She looks up at me with watery eyes, "She's thinking clearly but at the same time not. She knows what she wants and why she keeps going back to this friend, but at the same time can't see how fucked up things are with this friend. Trying to give her all the red flags just doesn't work. She doesn't see them as red flags, just makes up an excuse as to why they happen and how it's her fault as to why it happens. Even when you and papá make a parenting mistake and make her cry, Mayas like 'no it's my fault, it's ok. I deserved it. If I wouldn't have done this then they wouldn't have done that. It's my fault, it's ok' like she'll always believe it's her fault. And to some degree she's always been like that. But at the same time, after she starting being friends with this person all of it just worsened. You can't convince her that it's not her fault."

I didn't even realize there's times when Maya has cried after getting in trouble by Wilmer or I. I've always felt like she understood why we were upset or knew why we were punishing her. She's never fought with us on it and now I feel awful about it. Maybe it's not understanding, it's just blaming herself but not fully understanding where she went wrong and why we are really upset about things.

"Is there any of Maya's friends who can go to that friends house and get Maya?" Wilmer asks.

Ava shakes her head, "No, none of them are friends with this other friend. All of them vanish because of this friend. This other friend sort of forces them too."

I take a deep breath, "How long has she been gone?" I ask.

"I don't know, I just noticed. It's 7 in the morning."

"Let's give it until ten and if she's still not back and none of us can reach her, I'll have Max go with you to get her." I say.

"Ok." She wipes her tears.

Thank the gods above I have the two of them looking out for one another. I miss more than I want to admit. If it weren't for them worried about their twin, then things would be a while before I noticed them as much as I don't want to admit it. I hate to admit it, but with 6 kids, it's the truth.