Holding Onto You

Ch.13

Maya's pov

By 7 pm Ava moves to her own room and that leaves me alone with Bailey. Does it upset me? Not even a little bit. Quiet honestly, I've been waiting for it all day.

"I saw you broke up with Kenzie." She says.

"Yeah, evidently it was already over."

"Do you feel ok about it?" She asks.

"Yeah." I say.

"Are you sure? You seem a bit down. You know it's ok to be hurt Maya. Your feelings are valid." She says.

"I'm not hurt that I broke up with her. I'm just now realizing all the things she's done that hurt me and yet I still always went back only to get hurt again. I just feel like a dumbass for missing all the red flags just because I wanted someone who didn't even want me this whole time." I say.

"Sometimes love can be blinding. When you're in love sometimes you don't see all that's wrong. It's not until it's over and you reflect when you realize all the that were wrong." She says.

It's not that I was blinded, I was just so desperate to be loved and have attention that I was ok with it even if it was negative. I knew what was happening, I just didn't ask myself why I was ok with it or why I kept going back. Had I, maybe I'd have stopped myself earlier because I knew what I was doing wasn't healthy. Or maybe I'd have just settled for it still, I don't know. But I'm going to hate myself for going back to her all this time.

"I guess." I mumble.

She stares at me and I feel a bit of awkward tension between us with this conversation. I think we both remember the conversation in my car and it's one both our minds are on right now. I know mine is at least. Does she still feel that way about me or was it just an in the moment thing? She can't still feel that way now right? I mean why would she?

"So like you're ok with me staying in here right?" She asks.

"Yeah." I say.

"Ok I just wanted to make sure. I can always sleep in the guest room or something." She says.

"If you're uncomfortable and would rather sleep there than that's ok." I say.

"Nono." She says quickly, "I just wanted to make sure it was still ok with you. I'm totally ok sleeping in here." She says.

"I'd rather you sleep in here." I admit.

I mean it hurts a little knowing we're just friends. I feel friend zoned and I don't really think that it was me who needed to think this through, but her. Which I get, what would she ever see in me? I don't know why she'd settle for me when she could get someone so much better than me. She deserves someone so much better than me.

"So uh, what do you want to do?" She asks.

I shrug, "I don't really have any ideas."

"Are you up for a movie now or not really?" She asks.

It'd probably help with the awkward tension if we watched a movie. I'm not really up to watch one. I don't have the focus to do so today if I'm being completely honest.

"Sure." I say.

I grab my xbox controller off my nightstand and pass it to her. She turns the tv on and opens disney + on it. I watch her scroll through the movies on the suggested page and camp rock appears, "Is it weird to watch this and see your mom kiss another guy?" She asks.

I shrug, "I think watching anything my mom did is weird. It's kinda hard to see her play a character when I know her in real life as my mom. I personally choose not to watch anything she or my dad have acted in or even done a voice over for. It's hard to really watch a movie when my mind only process it as thats my parent and refuses to see past that. But as for the kissing stuff, not really. I know my dad wasn't her first boyfriend, she went around the block before she dated him." I say.