Holding Onto You

Ch. 25

Maya's pov

Breakfast was spent in my room watching compilation video's of tiktoks with vine energy. I don't really know what vine is, but I've realized that those compilation video's are the funniest to watch. So in my opinion, my breakfast was better than everyone else.

I hear my bedroom door open and watch my parent's walk in. I turn my head to watch my mom close the door behind me which lets me know were about to have a conversation about god knows what. All I know is that I don't want to have a conversation with them period.

"You weren't at breakfast." Mom points out.

"Yeah I wasn't really interested. I figured my time would be better spent watching tiktoks. It's more entertaining." I say.

"Maya, you can't just keep skipping meals." Dad says.

"I mean I can if I want, you can't force feed me." I argue.

"Why are you restricting your food?"

I turn to my mom quickly. Where did she get this idea? How does she know that this is what I am doing? What caused them both to realize this? I know neither of them figured this out on their own so who the hell told them?

"I'm not." I argue.

"You are. You are skipping meals and even when you do eat, it's not a lot." She says.

"Ok I eat until I'm full and I eat snacks all through out the day. But of course you two don't notice that, you don't notice anything I do. So maybe I'm not hungry because I choose to eat snacks during the day over eat with any of you at the table. Plus who eats breakfast? Why do you eat breakfast? It's literally too early to even be hungry." I lie.

This can not be happening. They can not be on my ass about this. Who told them? I know it wasn't Ava and Emilio was busy with me yesterday playing card games. Did Bailey seriously go behind my back and tell my parent's this? She's literally the only other person who knows this information.

"No Maya, you don't eat snacks. There's never wrappers or bowls in the sink." Dad argues.

"Believe what you want then. I'm not going to waste my time arguing with you if you aren't going to listen anyway."

If I look unbothered will they believe me?

"Maya, this isn't something we just noticed. It is something that's becoming a more serious problem though." She says.

Ok so that answers my last question which is no.

"I literally don't know what you're talking about." I lie.

"Maya whether you realize it or not, you are restricting your food which is a serious problem. That is a sign of a few eating disorders." Mom says.

"I don't have an eating disorder but thanks for the concern."

"Maya, skipping meals and restricting portions is a sign you do." Dad says.

"Oh I didn't know when you were a doctor. When did you go to college and get the necessary degrees to be able to diagnose eating disorders? Clearly not long enough to know that Ava had one right?" I ask.

He looks to my mom as if he needs help with this now, "I'm totally fine, I'd continue to make sure your daughter who was diagnosed with one is actually fine and continues to take care of herself. It seems like your worried about the wrong person. I know Ava and I look a lot alike, and are twins, but believe it or not you are not talking to Ava right now. Hi, I'm Maya, I do not have an eating disorder and Ava's room is next door. Maybe you confused us." I say.

"Maya, we know what we see and if you do not see a problem then it's time to see a doctor. Because we are worried and do believe you do have one." Mom says.

"Ok, but when the doctor says I don't have one I don't want to ever hear myself accused of having a disorder because of both of your extremely bad investigating and assumptions." I say.

"But you're willing to go see a doctor?" Dad asks.

"Do I have a choice or are you going to force me to see one regardless of what I want?" I ask.

"You will see one, we want to make sure you're ok." Mom says.

"Yeah this is really stupid but ok." I say.

"Why do you think this is stupid Maya?"

"Because it is, but whatever? Can you leave me alone now?" I ask.

"We don't want to upset-"

"Well you have!" I snap, "I'm being accused of having something I don't have! So yeah I'm going to be upset! How would you feel if dad accused you of snorting cocaine again when you aren't just because you seem off?!"

"MAYA!" She screams.

"Right! My point! Fucking pissed!"

"First of all I'd never accuse your mom of that. She's worked extremely hard for her sobriety and I can not believe the words that have just left your mouth Maya. Your mother has been clean for years now and you have absolutely no right to even speak of her like that. She is your mother whether you like it or not." My dad says coldly.

"I fucking don't like it! In fact I wish I had two completely different parents! You might not accuse her of something but it's clear you both will accuse me of something with not a fuck given! You have absolutely no evidence of me doing anything! What did you read?! Some stupid tmz article that accused me of possibly being anorexic so you two believe it?!"

My mom stands absolutely speechless as she looks at me and my dad stands beside her so angry. I know if I make another comment about her past I'll probably end up six feet under in a casket. Honestly, that doesn't sound too bad. Maybe I should keep going with this conversation.

"We see you eat Maya! You don't!"

"How would you know?! You know nothing about me! You don't pay attention to absolutely anything!"

"Your sister does!" He yells.

Mom turns her head to my dad with a look of panic and I sink in my bed. She ratted me out. She swore to never tell them and she did. She told them I was dating Kenzie. She told them that I was in the hospital because of Kenzie while the doctors told them everything else all because she made me go to the hospital. Now she's told them this. I can't believe she'd do this to me. I expected this from Emilio, not Ava. What did I do to her that lead her to throw me under the bus?

I officially can't wait to go to college and move on with my life and cut everyone out of it. This is it. This is the exact reason. My parents don't care and my own sister throws me under the bus. At this point, she might as well tell them everything. I don't even care anymore. She betrayed me. Out of everything, EVERYTHING, she could have told them she really told them the one thing I told her would kill me more than anything if they ever found out.

"Maya, hun, she-"

"Leave me alone."

"She did it because she cares Maya." Dad says.

"I said leave me alone."

I see my mom put her hand on my dads back and push him towards my bedroom door. It's not until the door closes when I allow myself to cry. I never would've done this to Ava. I kept her secret for her. I didn't tell my parent's anything. I've kept so many of her secrets and yet she's told them the ones I didn't want them to know more than anything. My sexuality, my eating disorder, my abusive relationship.

I sat in her room and cried telling her if she told them any of that I'd be in a very dark place. She listened to me say I'd end my life over it and she stabbed me in the back and told them. She basically told me she doesn't care by telling them what she did. Honestly, I shouldn't even be surprised. No one does.

What's the point anymore? What's the fucking point anymore?

I'm so tired of all of this. I'm so tired of hurting. I'm so tired of no one caring. I'm so tired of people turning on me. I'm tired of my life. I'm tired of breathing. I'm tired of existing. I absolutely hate my life. I hate it. I fucking hate it.