Running Through The Waves (Isla Vagues Series #1) - COMPLETED

Kabanata 32

Kabanata 32:
Pinsan

I was dazed after hearing his words. I don't know if that's a confirmation, a confession, or another lie. Umiling ako sa huling hinala. His eyes were sincere, and I couldn't trace anything wrong in his voice. He's saying the truth.

"P-Paano mo nasasabi 'yan? I hurt you! I'm the reason why Lola and A-Andeng are gone n-now." My voice cracked, and a sob slipped out of my mouth.

Ito ang pinakahihintay ko. I want us to talk about what's keeping us bleeding. Kaso, ang hirap-hirap pa rin pala talagang balikan ng lahat. I thought I was ready because this is the nightmare I've been haunted by every night, and yet... I couldn't even look at his eyes longer without breaking.

I was about to avoid his eyes when he held my chin and made me look at him, not letting me break our eye contact.

"It's not your fault..." Mas lalo lamang akong humikbi sa masuyo niyang sinabi.

"No. Ako ang may s-sala, Kairus..." I lifted my trembling hand and held his hand to my cheeks.

"I thought they were safe when I left, but I was wrong. Hindi sana ako umalis! H-Hindi ko sana sila iniwan sa bahay!" saad ko na puno ng pagsisi. Umalingawngaw ang mga hikbi ko sa bawat sulok ng sasakyan.

"Kasalanan ko! Kasalanan ko!" I wriggle out of his hold because it feels wrong that he's soothing me right now.

Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kanya dahil hindi ko kayang tingnan siya ngayon, pero sinundan niya ang tingin ko. I'm afraid to look at his eyes and see how broken he is. Hindi niya lang muli ako hinayaan na bumaling sa iba, na para bang gusto niyang titigan ako habang nagsasalita. I don't know if he's really weighing whether I am sincere.

My lips quiver when I look at his eyes. They're bloodshot, but I can't see any hatred or any emotion that he's blaming me for. It was filled with sorrow, grief, and pain instead. I bit my lower lip to suppress my sob, and he looked at me longingly.

"Noong nalaman ko ang nangyari... hindi ako naniwala agad. Gusto kong umuwi at makita mismo sa mga mata ko na wala na sila, at... umalis ka na." I have memorized the sequence of what happened, but not the sequence based on what he's been through.

I swallowed the bile in my throat.

"I was broken when I survived the explosion in the hotel. I lost my best friend, but I don't know there's even more devastating news that's waiting for me back home."

"W-What?" Hindi ko napakinggan ang huli niyang sinabi. I was stuck on his second sentence. I was confused, but then I remembered what Ysabel said.

"Samuel was one of the victims of the explosion. He died." Napasapo ako sa bibig sa gulat.

What? Samuel died?

Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko masyadong inalam ang detalye ng ibang namatay sa insidente. I was so focused on Kairus' name on the list that I didn't even think about him. O siguro kinaligtaan ko kasi inisip kong hindi siya isa sa mga namatay.

Kairus clenched his teeth while I was dumbfounded.

"Walang ginawang masa si Samuel. He's only there because he wants to get his license so he could provide more for his family. He doesn't deserve to... die." Nanlabo siya sa paningin ko. Sunod-sunod ang pagsalpok ng alon sa dibdib ko na hindi na ako makahinga. Pumikit siya nang mariin at nagtangis ang bagang.

"Umuwi ako nang sawi, tapos malalaman ko na wala na rin sina Lola at Andeng? Kinuha ka rin nila sa akin..." His voice was strained.

Sobrang diin ng pagkakakagat ko sa labi hanggang sa nalasahan ko na ang parang metal roon. My sobs are threatening to come out again. Pinipigilan ko lang ang sarili ko dahil pakiramdam ko wala akong karapatang umiyak o maglabas ng emosyon.