Playdate

52

"Gising ka na pala. Are your legs fine now?"

Lutang na lutang siya habang tinitingnan ako na ngayon ay kakatapos lang na maglinis ng katawan kaya naman tinutuyo ko ang buhok ko habang nakaupo sa gilid ng kama. His eyes searched for something in the room, at nagsalita siya nang ibalik ang tingin sa akin. "Why are you still awake?"

Alas tres pa lang ngayon ng madaling araw and to be honest, nagising ako dahil sa alarm ng cellphone niya. Nakatulog na kaagad siya kanina pagkatapos niyang magkaroon ng muscle cramps sa binti, kaya naman paggising ko, I cleaned up all the mess, pati na rin ang upuan na nasira namin, at pagkatapos noon ay inalalayan ko na siya papunta sa kwarto.

Natawa ako saglit dahil naalala ko ang mga pinaggagawa namin kanina. Sobrang haba ng araw na ito para sa akin, nang dahil lang sa pahamak na necktie niya. Ipapa-boycott ko na ang lahat ng necktie. Nakakasira ng upuan. Pareho rin kaming tawa nang tawa kanina dahil nga doon sa upuan. Sinabi niya sa akin na bibili na lang siya ng bago dahil matagal na rin naman daw iyon. Naalala ko na iyon rin ang upuan na ginagamit niya rito limang taon na ang nakakalipas.

"Nagising lang ako dahil sa alarm mo," sabi ko sa kanya at napatigil sa pagtutuyo ng buhok. "Bakit may alarm ka ng 2 AM? May gagawin ka ba?"

Napaisip rin ako kanina nang makita ko ang magkakasunod niyang alarm pamula 2 AM hanggang 5 AM. At nang i-check ko rin kanina, araw-araw na naka-set ang alarm na iyon.

"Oh, that," sabi niya nang malinawan sa sinasabi ko. "Are you still having bad dreams?"

Napatanga ako dahil sa tanong niya. Right, he witnessed me having recurring nightmares about my father's death, at simula noong sinabi ko sa kanya kung tungkol saan ang mga panaginip ko, hindi ko na ulit iyon napanaginipan.

"The nightmares have stopped," sabi ko sa kanya at tumabi na sa kaniya.

He smiled before laying down. "Buti naman."

"What are those alarms for nga?" tanong ko sa kanya at humiga na rin. "May tinatagpo kang multo kapag madaling araw?"

"What? No!" natatawang sabi niya. "You always had nightmares around 2 in the morning that's why I set up an alarm so I can wake up if you need me."

Upon hearing what he said, my eyes became watery. To hide it from him, kumapit lang ako sa balikat niya at inihilig ang ulo ko. "Thank you..."

Naramdaman kong inihilig niya rin ang ulo niya. "Maybe that's your father's way of telling you that you shouldn't be afraid of looking back."

What he told me stirred up my memories. That time, I refused to look at him for the last time. I didn't even try, because I was really scared.

I don't know if what Haki is saying is true, but he's right when he told me that I should not be afraid of trying and looking back again.

"I've been there too," he said. "Trust me when I say that your father isn't going to be happy seeing you carrying all the burden alone, and suffering all by yourself like this. Maybe you had those dreams too, because he wants you to let go. He wants you to know he's okay wherever he is now. He wants you to let him rest in peace."

Tahimik lang akong nakikinig sa kanya. For someone who grew up without anyone, how is he so kind? How is he so pure, so generous, so down-to-earth, and so forgiving? Does he even know how wonderful he is?

"I'm not forcing you to accept everything immediately, okay? Just let it hurt until it doesn't anymore. Please don't hold back. Please don't lie. Please be true to yourself."

"Then..." mahinahon kong sabi at nilingon siya. "Did you just like me because you thought you've got a better chance with me? Because you literally can't make things work with my sister anymore?"