Her Touch [Completed]

Forty Four

Everything was so different. I could literally feel everything shifting and it wasn't a good thing either.

I broke down crying one night cause I had a nightmare again about everything.

Cutting myself even more and it was getting out of control. I couldn't stop and it was honestly terrifying.

I knew telling my mom wasn't going to help, so I kept it a secret for as long as I could.

It was getting hard hiding all the cuts.

My mom rushed into my room one night when I woke up screaming and stayed by my side throughout several nights cause I just couldn't sleep.

I saw Josh's face in my mind and it kept me awake at night. I thought about James and broke down crying, unable to sleep.

Cutting helped but it wasn't enough.

Kyndra was dealing with no sleep too. She told me all she could see was James' body laying on the ground, covered in blood and she couldn't sleep.

We talked almost every single day when we were going through something.

Sometimes late at night, but I was here for her through it all. I just didn't know how long it'll take before one of us has a severe mental breakdown.

The next wee was his funeral and even though it killed me to be there, I needed to show support and be there for Kyndra and her family.

Seeing people cry is something I can't handle. It makes me weird and I can't deal with anyone crying cause I don't know what to do.

It was a terrible time and I didn't know how to act. I had so many mixed feelings in my chest that it was hard to comprehend what really happened.

It's still blurry in my mind.

Everything happened without warning.

It was like nothing was the same anymore.

I tried to cope with everything but dealing with the shit is hard.

I'm reminded about what happened everyday from the pain in my head. I still take my meds, but it seems like nothing is working.

Constantly in this loop of emotions I don't know how to explain.

When we went back to school, everyone was whispering in the halls. I knew they were talking about what happened cause this town is terrible for it's rumors.

Classes were weird since everyone was staring at me. The teacher had to tell them to stop a few times, but I could still feel their eyes on me.

Hiding my cuts were a challenge. I didn't tell Kyndra about anything cause I knew she would want me to tell my mom about it, or try to talk to me. I didn't want her worrying about me, so I kept everything in.

Wearing big hoodies at school was something I was getting use to.

I pray for the days to end fast enough cause I couldn't handle being around anyone for a long time.

The depression state was getting worse and I was having a hard time dealing with it.

Kyndra, Harvey and I stayed together through it all. We went out to lunch a few times, stayed at the school at our usual spots and just kept to ourselves.

A lot of people asked if I was ok, but I didn't really want to talk to anyone.

The guidence counselor wanted to talk to us but I wasn't sure if I wanted to or not. I knew she was just trying to help, but it was too personal.