:🌸: ➤ 𝚂𝚊𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚖𝚊 𝚂𝚑𝚒𝚝𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚜

Why tf is this one of the high rankings in Saiouma

Kaito and Kokichi go to therapy with Shuichi as the therapist.

Shuichi: Ouma-kun, do you have something you want to say to Momota-kun?

Kokichi standing on his chair: Oh yes! Definitely!

Kokichi points at Kaito

Kokichi: You're like a terrible roommate and no one likes you. Also you need to shave off that goatee it pisses me off even more.

Kaito: Shuichi let me punch him

Shuichi: No

Shuichi: How about we phrase it this way? When you do "this" it makes me feel "this". But like, in a nice way

Kaito: When you exist it makes me feel like murder is okay if it gets rid of assholes like you

Kokichi: As expected from an idiot who is dating a cold-blooded killer. You two really are a match made in hell

Kaito: You bastard! I'M going to make you regret ever saying that!

Kokichi: I'd like to see you try dumbass.

Shuichi: I'm breaking off any communication with both of you if you don't stop right now.

__________

After watching a horror film

Kaito: Yeah, great flick *checks under his bed*

Kokichi: I can tell you liked it by your screaming and clinging onto Makiroll

Kaito: I was not screaming, I was cheering. Don't turn out that light!

Kokichi: Or what? You'll "cheer again?

__________

Shuichi: *rolls over in bed and knees Kokichi in the ribs*

Kokichi: Ow! You kneed me!

Shuichi: *groggily* Yeah, I do need you.

__________

Shuichi: Have any of you heard from Kokichi?

Rantaro: I'm sure everything is fine. We left him with Maki.

Shuichi: Those 2 sentences don't go together

__________

Shuichi: Kaito, you're in charge while me and Kirumi are away.

Kaito: Don't worry, sidekick! I'm the person you are looking for!

Shuichi: Don't do anything stupid.

Kaito: Okay, I'm kinda the person you needed.

Shuichi: And look after Kokichi, he tends to make outbursts.

Kaito: .... You need another person.

__________

Shuichi: You use lies to cover yourself up and distance from people.

Kokichi: And yet you're still here.

__________

Kokichi: Hey, do you have a bag that I could borror?

Ryoma: The only bags I have in my possession are the ones beneath my eyes and they are specifically designed to carry the burden of my existence.

Kokichi: All you had to do was say no.

__________

Kokichi: "Knowledge" is knowing that tomato is a fruit; "wisdom" is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

Shuichi: That was deep.

Angie: "Philosophy" is what if that means ketchup is a smoothie.

Kokichi: That's even deeper.

Ryoma: "Common sense" is knowing that ketchup isn't a damn smoothie.

__________

Souda, trying to make small talk: So what was your childhood like?

Gundham: Oh, you mean by my tragic backstory?

__________

Himiko: When a woman said "what" it's not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you a chance to change what you said.

Tenko: Wrong, she's challenging you to have the balls to repeat it.

__________

Shuichi, trying to open a door: It's locked.

Kokichi: Don't worry, locks are my specialty

Kokichi: *throws brick through window*

Shuichi: Don't you know how to lockpick?

Kokichi: I just wanted to try that.

__________

Kokichi: Oh, fiddlesticks

Kaede: Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but lets watch the fucking language.

__________

Shuichi: Where's Kokichi?

Kirumi: He drank 13 cups of coffee and thought the birds and bugs outside were talking shit about you.

Kokichi: FIGHT ME! I AM SOUND!

__________

Shuichi: I have an excellent gaydar, I can determine if a person is gay or not with just a glance.

Rantaro: Kokichi has been in love with you ever since you met him.

Shuichi: He what?

__________

People who kidnapped Kokichi and Shuichi: Just don't struggle so that no one gets hurt.

Kokichi: D-don't worry S-Saihara-kun. I got a-a plan, but I-I'm not sure if you'll l-like it.

Shuichi: Ouma-kun, I hope you're not planning what I think you're planning.

A few minutes later

Shuichi: That was impressive! How are you capable of screaming for help at such a high pitch, Kokichi?

Kokichi: I-I guess I'm just t-talented.

__________

Kokichi's dad: Son, I have something to tell you.

Kokichi: Ya?

Kokichi's dad: You were ad-

Kokichi: I'M ADOPTED?!

Kokichi's dad: Let me finish, son. You were adorable as a child.

Kokichi: Oh-

Kokichi's dad: And that's why I adopted you!

__________

Shuichi: Don't go in the ball pit. You'll lose your key again.

Kokichi *already in the ball pit*: You're not gonna believe this.

__________

Kokichi: I think I'm falling for you

Shuichi: Get up then

Kokichi: YOUR SO MEAN SHUMAI!

__________

Kaito: Before, Kokichi told me that the paper strips in chocolate kisses were edible and I ate them with the chocolate for like a year.

Kokichi: Actually they are!

Kaito: Wait, for real?!

Kaede: Why would you believe this again?