Refresh: Extras

First Morning Home

   My pillow felt incredibly soft under my head. The bed was warm and the blankets thin. Back with… HIM… the blankets were always thick comforters. Honestly, I prefer the thin blanket. The bed was nice and yet I wasn't comfortable. I don’t know why. This bed is much more comfortable than the old one. And yet… I missed it.

   I’ve been awake for hours. Actually I had barely slept. Terror had gripped me most of the night. After the party when everyone went home I felt out of place. This didn't feel right. And when I fell asleep I had a nightmare. So I didn't sleep.

   Finally I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and went to get up. The floor was cold under my bare feet. I grabbed for my shades and put them on. They were like a comfort thing by now. I pushed open the door and trudged down the hall toward the stairs.
 
   As I approached the bottom of the stairs I could smell bacon and eggs. I went to tske a seat at the kitchen table.

   Ma turned around from where she was cooking. She gave a bright smile. "Good morning Fresh."
 
   This still felt incredibly unreal. I was home. I was safe. HE was in jail. I was actually sitting here in my kitchen again waiting for Ma's homemade breakfast. "Mornin' Ma."

   I must have sounded tired. "Couldn't  sleep huh?"
 
   "Not really." I admitted quietly. "To quiet and dark."

   " I could get you a night light. One of those star ones like Error has," She suggested as she kept cooking.

   "That would be nice." The conversation ended there.

   A few minutes later Error trudged down the stairs. He looked like he just rolled out of bed. His covers were still wrapped around him. He jumped as he saw me like he forgot I was here.

   "Mornin' Brah." I flashed a smile.

   He grunted in response and took a seat putting his head down.

   Ma hummed and set five plates down. "Im going to wake Geno and Asy okay."

   Its weird to think Asy is like a live in nanny basically. I guess it makes sense though. After I dissapeared someone had to help ma with Geno and Error. Someone had to help keep a level head. I very well cant do that now.

   My head was anywhere but level. Where I used to be empty and logical I was now anxious and scared. I had too many things on my mind. To many hidden memories. To much lost time.

   "Stop looking so gloomy over there. Its weird seeing your face so sad." Error huffed out.

   "Sorry..." I mumbled poking my fork in my eggs.

   Ma came back soon followed by Asy who was helping Geno. Geno still wasnt in the best condition after his soul flared up and lead to this whole debacle.

   Geno was smiling brightly though. "Good morning Fresh! Good morning Error!"

   "Mornin." I mumbled again taking a small bite of eggs. Error gave a similar response.

   Ma was making toast at the moment. "Take a seat. Asy cane you get the butter, jam and peanut butter for the toast?"

   My mind blanked. Peanut butter toast. The man. Andrew. Peanut butter. Bad memories. Toast. He videoed it. Peanut butter toast.

   I dropped my forked to my plate. "I'm not hungry." My appetite was completely gone.

   All eyes were on me. I hated their stares. Please just look away. Im fine. Im fine!

   "Are  you okay?" Im not sure who asked.

   "I'm fine!" I snapped. I wasnt fine. I wasnt fine.

   Peanut butter. Toast. Basement. Needles. Toast. The man. Peanut butter. Pain. Videos. He videoed. The man. Peanut butter. Panic. Toast.

   My breathing was coming in sharp shallow gasps. I couldn't think. This was dumb. I shouldn't have this kind of a reaction to food. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine!

   "Fresh. Fresh breath okay. Breathe with me. You're at home. You're not with him. Look at me. Its Error okay. Youre having a panic attack and you need to calm down." Error's voice cut theough my thoughts.

   My eyes focused on him and I tried to mimic his breathing. My mind stopped swimming and calmed enough for me to think.

   "There." Error moved his hands which I hadn't realized were on my shoulders.

   "Sorry."  I mumbled.

   "Oh Fresh baby." Ma wrapped me in a hug. "Don't apologise. I'm sorry for whatever set you off."

   "Yeah kiddo. Whatever it was its okay now." Asy chimed in.

   I felt a hand on my back comforting me. Most likely Geno. He didnt say anything.

   I gave a short nod. "Yeah... 'kay." I mumbled and leaned into ma's hug. "It's okay.... I'm okay..." I'm okay.