Vault

Twenty-Seven

I set the large pizza box onto the passenger seat of my car and finally finished my drive home. This week had been so amazing, and I was still scared that I just ruined all of it.

When I got home, I locked my door behind me, securing me safely inside. I left the pizza in the living room and went to go change. Much more comfortable in leggings and a t-shirt, I went back down to my living room and set up what I needed for my FaceTime date. I question if Karl is going to end up blowing me off, but I wanted to be ready either way. My laptop was open with FaceTime pulled up and I was waiting to eat the pizza for the phone call, despite how hungry I was.

5:25 was displayed at the top of my laptop.

I waited.

5:35.

Karl still hadn't called. But it didn't mean he wasn't going to. Stay positive Ava.

5:45.

Still no call. Stay positive Ava, he'll call.

6:00.

Okay fuck it. I clicked on Karl's contact and watched as it rang before FaceTime Unavailable was displayed on the top of my screen. I sighed and slumped back into my couch. Maybe filming just ran late? Don't give up Ava.

6:15

No call.

6:30

It's been an hour and Karl still hadn't called. I really did mess this up, didn't I. No Ava, try to stay positive. Things were finally good.

I waited, just waited. I even tried calling again. Nothing.

6:55.

Still no call.

I sighed as I grabbed my phone and texted Chris. If anyone will know what's going on, it should be Chris.

Me: Hey, are you guys still filming?

Chris: No, we finished almost two hours ago. Why?

Me: Karl was supposed to call me tonight and he didn't. I even called him and he didn't answer.

Chris: Weird, I actually haven't heard from him since he left. He told Jimmy he had to go before we finished the video. Do you want me to call him?

Me: No, it's fine. I was just curious if maybe he got held up filming. It's fine, maybe he'll call me tomorrow

Chris: Ava I can get ahold of him and ask where he's at or something to find out what's up

Me: No it's okay, I appreciate it. But I'm refusing to do anything but stay positive. Maybe he got distracted after work or his phone died or something. I don't want to get upset unless I have to

Chris: That's different for you, I'm proud of you. Let me know if he calls you

I put my phone down and laid back on the couch, pulling a blanket around me. Stay positive Ava, everything can still be okay.

I was sad. There was no denying it. I mean, I was really looking forward to our FaceTime dinner, and then I just had to go mess it all up with the admitting that I didn't know what we were doing. I mean, we hadn't talked about it explicitly so I guess I didn't think it was a bad thing for me to say.

I really just don't know what I'm doing. With Ashton, I mean I feel nothing, but I don't triple question every action I make. I know exactly what our relationship is and what we are to each other. With Karl, I overanalyze every question and action I have to make sure it's worth saying or doing or if it's just a mistake. I know that he's basically my everything and he has complete control over me and my emotions, but I have no idea what I am to him. That's a character flaw on my part and I know that, but it's just because I do feel so deeply for him that I don't want to lose him. I don't even have Karl, but I don't want to lose him. Knowing a life from now on where Karl isn't apart of it terrifies me. Even if he does decide he doesn't want me, I need him in my life. Even if he's happier with someone else... I can learn to live with that as long as he's still in my life. I need him.