// Home Sweet Home | MCYT Fan-Fiction \\

25~//Thoughts\\

okay so sorry about not updating this for idek how long just TOO LONG- great, here's your chapter...

--------------------

|~|POV of Y/N|~|

I skipped out the door towards Nick's truck, grinning from ear to ear. He wasn't far behind me, along with Darryl and Zak. Zak pushed past Darryl to walk next to me and I heard Darryl sigh, exasperated by the young-minded YouTuber.

"You excited?" Zak yipped and I look at him, my smile just becoming more smile-y.

"You think!" I chirped enthusiastically, pulling on the car door's handle to be disappointed by it being locked. Zak chuckled, listening for the beep of the car unlocking and then pulling the backseat door open for himself.

"I call this side!" He said, jumping into the vechile and smirking at me, sticking his tongue out. I rolled my eyes but skipped to the other side, pulling open the door as well. I don't think anyone could be as excited as me for today- I was getting my casts off!

Nick and Darryl also entered the car, Nick taking the position of driver. He put the key into the fob, turning it and then putting his hands on the wheel. The engine rumbled to life, causing the car to jitter for a second before only a quiet hum could be heard and felt.

"You ready muffins?" Darryl said, leaning to look over his shoulder at us. He was smiling too, not a hint of worry or negativity in his gaze. Maybe I wasn't the only one that was excited.

"Of we go-" Nick drove the car out of the driveway, turning a sharp right onto the road.

"To the hospital!" I cheered and everyone laughed, knowing that normally the word 'Hospital' would send be into a lake of my own thoughts, worries and memories. Now, it meant more than that though- I'd accepted that it had happened, even going as far as thinking they'd helped me.

|~|

I walked out of the big, white building, my smile dimmed. My cast was off and I was subconsciously twisting my arm around, liking the feeling of my arm being free again. What I didn't lik was the load of restrictions that had come with it- like I wasn't allowed to left anything over 10 pounds of weight with that arm and yada-yada.

Think bright- I reminded myself. Now I could move my arm! I probably could play Minecraft again and do more stuff outside the house, since my ankle was getting better too! My Doctors said I should start going on daily, fifteen minute walks to strengthen my ankle- as long as I took someone with me.

I smiled, doing a 180 spin in the air.

"Woah-  be careful, we don't want you falling over and ruining that shoulder again!" Darryl warned and I shot him a playful glare. I knew he was doing it in my best interest, but his mothering was getting a little frustrating. I just nodded, smiling again and skipping to the car.

Once we were all seated inside and were on the road again, I started chattering obsessively, trying my best to distract myself from thinking too much. Over-thinking wasn't very good for me, it always ended with me in a spiral of doubt and negativity- I spent the rest of my day down in the dumps.

"So, who's coming with me on my daily twenty-minute walk?" I sputtered.

"Fifteen!" Darryl reminded and everyone laughed.

"I bet you George will-" Zak snickered before cutting himself off. Most of us liked to forget the awkward things that had happened that night- especially me, Nick and Spifey. We all sat in the car in uncomfortable silence, waiting for someone to say the first word.

I stared out the window, distracting myself. Shoot- I'm not supposed to distract myself, I'll start to think. I hammered myself with a reminder to not think, and in the end, that's all I thought about- not thinking.

It was far too long before Darryl finally broke the silence, fed up with everyone's unspoken thoughts.

"We need to put this behind us- it's not important anymore and we can't afford to have any grudges when we all live together!" Darryl said. I shifted to look back at the rest of the group in the car- Zak was nodding slowly and Nick let out a sigh before agreeing as well. I smiled, which everyone thankfully took as my response.

But in the end, the rest of the drive was still pretty quiet- a little chatter from Nick and Darryl and a lot of silence. Zak didn't even say one word the rest of the drive, so the was a big factor to prove that there was an uncanny energy in the car.

I probably wasn't the only one that was grateful to get out of the car, as we all poured out. Darryl and Zak took the lead, entering the house first. I stayed back, waiting for Nick to lock up his truck. He clicked the button on his key and a beep sounded from the vechile. He turned back around and walked with me up the narrow path to the front door.

"Nick-" I stopped, wondering whether it was the right time to say this. "Darryl's right. We need to put this all behind us. I know it awkward but..."

"....but, we can't be holding  grudges." Nick agreed, looking down. I smiled nervously, nudging his arm and he smiles back. We close the door behind us and take off our shoes. Nick send me one last look before hurrying up the stairs to his room. 

It was a little past midday- meaning that most of the house was in their rooms, recording, streaming, sleeping or none of the above. Seeing that there was no one downstairs, I headed up the stairs as well. I was about to do my weird shuffle up the stairs to put minimum pressure on my ankle, when I remembered that I had my cast taken off- things were different now.

Normally, that would've put a smile on my face- but right now I wasn't feeling right. 

Nothing was feeling right.

I made it to the top of the stairs, looking down the left hallway. There was no one out- all of them probably in their rooms. I turned down my side, trudging as if I was wading through water. I felt like I was dragging weights behind me, or like I was drowning- maybe both at once.

In reality, I was drowning in my own thoughts. I'd gotten stuck in the loop I'd been avoiding the whole car ride- the one where I worry, doubt, hate myself, repeat. I subconsciously close my door, spinning and sliding down to the floor. I curl up, pulling my knees to my chest and hiding my head. 

I feel like crying.

But I have nothing left to cry, my tear ducts are emptied of tears and I feel emotionless. All I can think about is that I might be ripping these YouTubers already amazing lives and careers apart. I'm ripping apart their friendships, relationships, maybe their mental health.

All because of me.

Maybe it would've been best if I didn't come here at all.

___________________

//1176 Words\\ <3

so, kinda a sad chapter but its reflecting off of me a bit. heh heh.....

have a good day, and remeber-

SCHOOL SUX

~Sen <3