// Home Sweet Home | MCYT Fan-Fiction \\

33~//Regrets\\

PLEASE, read the bottom of this chapter- it's important!

Warnings: Thoughts of Self-Harm and Suicide, Overall heavy Chapter

|~|POV of Y/n|~|

I open my eyes, slightly surprised to be staring at my dark, wooden nightstand instead of the white walls of the hospital. I sit up, realizing I'm in my bed, wondering who'd come into my room to see me. If everyone hated me, why would they help me?

I got out of bed, shaking my head at the thought of someone still caring, let alone like me. Switching from yesterday's clothes into today's sweatpants and a hoodie was easy since my shoulder and ankle were healed now. How long had it been since I hadn't woken up inside the hospital's walls?

I slip my phone into my pocket and open my door, smacking into Zak. I careen backwards, rubbing my forehead and look up at him. He's less fazed, recovered faster and stares at the floor with his hands in his pockets.

"Sorry about yesterday..." He mumbles, glancing up at me before continuing to stare at his feet. I feel a train of confusion sweep through my head before saying, "It's okay." I don't really remember what he was sorry for.

He looks up, half-smiling. "How's Bad?" Zak's using Darryl's online name, which is strange, but I don't question that either. "I never got to see him." I answer truthfully, feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket. "Have you eaten?"

Zak nods. "Yea, I was just stopping by before I start recording or something." I nod as well, slipping past him and giving him a half-smile as I walk down the hallway. He walks behind me before splitting off at his room door, closing it behind himself.

There's no one downstairs, meaning the kitchen is free for me to make myself some cereal. I would cook something, I'm just too lazy. I absent-mindedly pour the Cheerios into the white, ceramic bowl and pick it up. I decided to eat in my room, so I could minimize human-contact. I didn't want to see any more hateful expressions sent my way.

Once I'm up in my room again, door shut behind me, I sit in my gaming chair and place the bowl next to my keyboard. I feel like watching something- YouTube to be specific, but I don't really know what. Maybe one of my friends.

I go into teh search bar on YouTube, searching the first name that comes to mind, waiting for Darryl's channel to pop up. I click on it, going to his past streams and choosing one. I end up clicking on 'Shaving my head BALD for $10,000!' listening to him welcoming the first viewers to the stream.

Soon enough, I feel tears dripping down my cheeks and I welcome them. Darryl used to be a happy-go-lucky stramer and content creator that was the most wholesome muffin on YouTube. Now, he was in a hospital fighting for his life because of one, single mistake.

And guess who's fault that is?

I let the sobs block up my thraot, my cheeks wett. I pull my knees up to my chest and curl up on my chair, relieving hundreds of hours worth of guilt, remorse and pain.

|~|

It's almost eleven at night, and I lay awake in bed, my brain like a lighter than never loses it's flame. I try to close my eyes, to sleep but I can't- it's like sleep will never come to me. I sit up, guilt seeping into the water around my brain. I throw my legs over the side of the bed and walk to my door, cracking it open.

Peeking down the hallway, I see no one. Most of peoples room lights are off, the only light shining through is of their computer screens. I close the door behind me, tiptoeing through the dark hallway and down the stairs. A small kitchen light is on, just enough for me to make out what drawer is which.

I stand next to the drawer next to the oven, slipping it open quietly. I stare at the knifes inside, choosing one with a sharp, shiny edge. I slide the drawer closed again, sitting on the floor, my back against the counter. I take small breaths, staring at the knife.

Wouldn't it just be better if I wasn't here? Maybe Darryl will be okay- maybe me being alive is a curse, stopping him from being alright. The only reason is in the hospital is because of me, maybe I belong there too.

Maybe I belong 6-feet in the ground...

My hands shake uncontrolablly and I drop the knife, the clattering of metal against tile echoing throughout the house. I let out a choked sob, raising me hands and looking at them shake violently.

I didn't hear the doors opening, let along the footsteps nearing me. Suddenly the kitchen lights flick on and I flinch, hiding my eyes from the sudden light. "Y/n?"

I look up to see Nick and Harvey in the ktchen archway, staring at me incredulously. I watch Harvey's eyes travel to the knife, his eyes widen and I wince. He kneels down slowly, taking it in his hands. Nick glances from the knife to me, his eyes reflecting his shock, confusion and worry.

"Y/n... what-" He kneels down as well, his eyes at the same level as mine. I don't even bother hiding it- I let the tears fall and I lean forward, holding onto Nick tightly. I feel his arms on my back, but he's not saying anything.

"N-N-Nick what's wrong with m-m-me?" I stutter out and he rubs my back. "Nothing Y/n- you're perfect."

But I feel him shift his head, and I know he's doing some sort of eye-talking thing with Harvey. I pull away from him and stand up, rubbing my hoodie's sleeve across my wet eyes.

"All I've done is pull everyone's lives apart." Nick and Harvey stare at me, wordlessly. "Goodnight."

With that, I run up to my room, past my friends doors, wondering how long they're going to be my friends. I close my own door behind me, quietly as possible. What are they going to think? There's a physco in the house that's going to try and kill them, just like Darryl?

I lock my door, grabbing my phone off my nightsand and entering the phone app. I click one of the top contacts, putting the phone to my ear. I wait for the buzzing to stop, and my sister/brother to pick up.

"Hello? S/n?" I ask, listening for my sibling to reply.

"Yeah Yn? What's up?" Ever since that night almost two months ago, when I'd called them we'd kept in touch, calling each other once or twice a week. They knew about my most recent mess-up, and had been really supportive.

"You live on your own now, right?" I ask hesitantly. There's a moment of silence from the other end, before a confused woice answers. "Yeah...?"

This time I take a breath, wondering whether this is a good idea. I shake myself slightly, checking the door to make sure it's locked. "Got a room free?"

______________________

//1151 Words\\ <3

So, any predictions?

Also, another moment to talk about something. Suicide and Selfharm are serious problems, and it is not the way to go. Please, if you think about or are commiting to these acitions, ask for help! There are so many people that love you, and I'm one of them.

So please, stay. :)

~Sen