Dreamnoblade one shots for funsies

Traveling merchant

King Technoblade was sitting on his thrown, head in his hand, scowling at his advisors. One of them, Wilbur, handed him a document. "Your majesty, what do you think of this proposal for trade with the neighboring kingdoms?"

Techno took the paper and glanced at it, his brow furrowing. "Just do whatever will get us the most coins." He said, tossing it away. The meeting continued like that, Techno never looking at a document for more than a few seconds. Most of his advisors were terrified of their king, who seemed so disinterested, yet so forceful. After the meeting adjourned, most of them shuffled out of the room before they could get beheaded.

"Hah, those fools are shivering in their boots again." Tommy laughed.

"You should at least try to be kinder to them, they are your advisors." Phil remarked.

"I can't help it, I'm grumpy." Techno replied.

"Rough day?" Wilbur asked, organizing his papers.

"Every day with a meeting is a rough day, it's the worst part of being king."

The three advisors looked at each other, worried for their friend's mental state. Wilbur, Phil, and Tommy all knew the rumors weren't true. They knew their friend wouldn't behead anyone without reason, they knew he might not always be kind, but he was just. However, they didn't know why Techno was always so grumpy at meetings.

"I'm going to the training ground if you need me." Techno said, getting out of his throne.

He loved fighting, he always had. It was the one place where he could relax and let his instincts take over, swinging at opponents left and right. He didn't have to worry, he didn't have to think, he barely even had to look at his opponents to defeat them one by one, it was therapeutic.

He spent hours on the training ground, only pausing when he needed to. Eventually, Wilbur came out. "Your majesty it's time for you to meet with the people."

Techno sighed. "Oh, that was today." He slowly put his things away, wiped his sweat, and went to the locker rooms. He didn't even bother taking a shower. When he finished, Wilbur was waiting impatiently by the door, trying to rush him to the throne room. Techno followed slowly. If he could walk slow enough, maybe he could avoid it forever. But he couldn't. Soon enough, he was sitting on his throne, barely listening as townspeople came up one by one for their promised audience with the king.

He dismissed their comments one by one until one person came up who seemed to have a mask on his face. Curious, he actually listened. "Your majesty." He started, bowing down. "My name is Dream, I'm a traveling merchant. I have come to offer your kingdom a new product, though because of its unusual nature, I found it best to show it to you first."

Most people came to talk to him about crop yield or unfair prices, it was strange that this Dream fellow would ask something so unusual. Still, he couldn't be too cautious. "Go on."

"My friend Bad here will demonstrate." Another fellow came out holding a paper of some sort. "Now, what do you think it says on this paper?" Dream asked, holding it a few feet in front of Bad.

"Um, under faces hot all." Bad stumbled, clearly unsure of himself.

"Now," Dream started, "I will give him these two pieces of glass." Dream handed his friend the glass, which was clearly connected in some way, and Bad held them up to his eyes. "Now, what does it say?"

"Oh! It says Lindy's tacos, half off! Duh!"

The guards and advisors were amazed, they started applauding as Dream bowed in thanks. Techno, however, wasn't that gullible. He got up from his throne, glaring at them. "Come on, I'm not that stupid, this guy's clearly faking it, let me see." He walked up to the two as they bowed their heads in respect. Ripping the glass out of Bad's outstretched hands, he put it up to his eyes as Bad had done.