The Red Flag

Part XLV - "Unstable"

This wasn't the life I wanted to share with people. Not with my aunt and uncle, not with Aralyn, and certainly not with Elijah. My time with him was always meant to be brief. Who was I trying to fool?

We could never possibly, in a million years, be together as a couple. Not when I was condemned to my past like a prisoner. It wouldn't be fair to him to keep pretending. I may have let my walls down, but I had become a pro at rebuilding them twice as fast.

I knew what I had to do now. And given my previous experiences with this man, I knew damn well it wasn't going to be easy.

"Elijah," I swallowed hard before speaking. "I have found that there are an obscene amount of reasons as to why it would be a terrible idea for us to be together. We work together, not as equals but as boss and employee. Even though we have never officially discussed it, we are clearly far apart in age-"

He instantly shot up from his chair, his eyes fuming with anger.

"Now hold on-"

"No!" I shouted. He needed to hear this. We both needed to hear this. If he were to speak now then everything I had planned to say would have slipped from my mind. So, I waited for him to sit back down.

"I am emotionally unstable. I've been to over three therapists within the last four years, and each one prescribed me a different pill to take. With each dose, I begged for an escape from my life. I had gotten so addicted to those drugs that I was no longer able to keep the past apart from the present." For the longest time I was a slave to my medication.

"It took every fiber in my being to keep from taking them. It had taken me over a year to properly wean my body off of them and come to terms with the way things were."

That was the day when I grabbed all my pill bottles and flushed them down the toilet. Regina was practically shitting nails when I told her what I had done. Chris, on the other hand, was proud that I was taking charge and not letting the pills control my life.

"They gave me a place to escape. A false reality. I don't-. No. I can't fall back to that way of living."

"Elijah, you will never understand how much I have cherished these past few days we've had together. They made me remember what it was like to live a normal life. But by the end of the day, I know that I can never be who I once was."

Of all the medication I had pumping  through my system, this was the most painful of all the treatments I had to endure. Acceptance.

"You're the drug I need to quit this time," I disclosed.

His eyes narrowed. "I don't understand."

"I am not mentally equipped for a relationship, Elijah. All those meds in my system. . .". My gaze fell to the floor as my bottom lip trembled. "It was so easy to pretend that everything was okay. That I was okay."

"Amelia . . ."

"Please, let me finish," I begged. I had to say this before all my bravery ran out. "Elijah, you could have anyone in the world. You're intelligent, established, and devastatingly handsome." I watched his whole body wince at my confession. A new set of tears blurred my vision. "Why do you want a broken toy?"  

"You are not a broken toy," he denied.

"That's because you don't know me very well," I wanted to say. But, I couldn't bring myself to confess anything else about the horrific event. Not about the fall I took down the stairs and not about the events that followed shortly after.

What happened earlier this evening, amongst all the heavy breathing and tears, had brought me a perfect sense of clarity. Yes, I was alone. And although the truth was painful to bear, it had become my norm. I was better off staying that way. 

"I think it would be best if we stopped seeing each other."

The muscles in his jaw ticked. "What about work? You can't expect us not to see each other at the office."

I allowed myself to take a deep breath before continuing. "Which brings me to my second point. I want to resign from my position as your secretary."

End of Part One