The Red Flag

Part LXX - "The truth is. . ."

My stomach was churning from the manipulation, but I needed the truth. I made him angry before. And now that I managed to fill his head with possible lies, I had no idea where this placed me. Was it enough for him to get him to spill the truth?

Still he did not move. All my efforts led to where to send him into a deep, trance-like, thought.

"Elijah, please just tell me the truth," I pleaded.

"Truth. You want to hear the truth."

I didn't know what I feared more. Being lied to or hearing the truth. The silence was unbearable nonetheless.

"The truth is..." he looked up at me. "I wanted you the minute I saw you. The day you walked into my office I was speechless. I knew what I was feeling was wrong. My god, I tried to talk myself out of it. It didn't matter."

I wrinkled my eyebrow in utter confusion.

"What?"

"Please, let me finish. I need to say this." He went on to explain.

"You're the only woman to ever see me for more than just my looks. I've never been involved with the same person for more than two weeks. I had come to the conclusion that I was just not cut out to be anything more than someone's lover. I've convinced myself that it was better this way. When I see you I realize that two weeks is not nearly enough."

Elijah got up from the edge of the bed to stand in front of me.

"I can't explain it, but every time I see you I have this excessive need to keep you close."

He's avoiding the question. See? I told you he couldn't be trusted.

I struggled to suppress the voice in my head. I had to be careful not to accidentally respond to the voice in the back of my mind instead of Elijah. As far as I was aware, he still knew nothing of my real mental condition. But in the meantime, my head felt like it was being split in half between Mia and him talking simultaneously.

"Wait." I stepped back. "Hold on, I don't understand."

The pain was strong enough to make me back up into the wall behind me. His hands shot out to keep me steady.

All at once, everything became quiet. Neither one of them spoke. The pain I dealt with had eased and I managed to lift my eyes up. I caught his hooded gaze. With my back still against the wall, he leaned his head down to rest upon my own.

"I don't need you to respond to me now," he whispered. "I love you, Amelia Petterson."

The air had become trapped in my chest. My throat and mouth had gone dry as the Sahara. I felt all the color drain from the face. With my body sagged up against the wall, I struggled to pinpoint the exact emotion I was feeling. Could it have been confusion? Perhaps a shiver of hostility racing up my spine? Or, could I have actually been experiencing a form of happiness?

Never in my life had anyone, aside from my family, ever actually confessed their true feelings towards me. I suppose spending all those years locking away my emotions and pretty much denying my desires, I had come to the conclusion that I was incapable of feeling such things. Or, maybe during my time of utter desolation, I had convinced myself that I was truly unlovable.

Thank god Elijah wasn't expecting an immediate answer back to his sudden confession. My palms were beginning to sweat, my knees wobbled. It felt as if someone had stepped into my mind and erased the past twenty four hours of my life with a rag. What was I so concerned about? My mind was clouded over in a fog. I found it difficult to speak.

"You. . ." I rasped. "You love me?"

His thumb gently caressed my cheek.

"From the first moment I saw you." Elijah went on to explain, "I became captivated like a man possessed. From your striking appearance to your quick, smart mouth. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't instantly owned by you."

"By me?" My brows raised. "Elijah, you can't be serious."

"When I look at you, I see a life I didn't know I wanted."

My head fell to my chest, shaking back and forth. Pure denial. This man was insane. He couldn't be serious. Was he actually being serious?

"You don't know what you're saying," I hissed under my breath.

"Maybe not," he interjected. "But I know what I'm feeling."

It will fade. His feelings he has for you know will fade away once he finds out your dark, little secret.

My dark, little secret. The one I've struggled to keep hidden from the world for years, of course comes back to haunt me yet again. Except, for the first time ever, I actually wanted to tell him. I wanted to say it, scream it, out loud. Hell- I could practically feel the words jumping off my tongue.

The voice in the back of my head warned me, continuously, that he will run away once the truth is out. I guess the real test will be seeing how he'll react.