MY Yellow

CHAP - 40

(OK... So before u read the Chap. Get this. THE LINES IN BOLD LETTERS are the lyrics of the song. You don't have to necessarily read it. The lines in ITALICS are her memories of her late husband. AND the normal font is present.)

Also...

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!! THERE MIGHT BE MENTIONS OF SELF HARM and those who are uncomfortable please don't read that part. I will put a warning before that part and also put a mark when it ends.....

Olivia's Pov

This day, three years back I lost my angel. Moving on is hard especially when it's from the person you loved deeper than the oceans.

*Play the music above*

If I could choose anything
I would be good and bad one day
I would fall into love and stay
Would fall into love.

"I've fallen in love with you Olivia Queen... I know we had this friends thing going on... But how can I just hide my feelings for you? After all, you are my Queen in shining armor who saved this Boy in distress. I now want to return the favor and protect you from your demons. So you have two options darling, either be my girlfriend or..... Allow me to be your boyfriend." he said as he held my hands looking at me with hope. I chuckled before pulling him into a kiss.

You left me alone to fight my demons. I am all alone now...
I thought bitterly as I downed another glass of alcohol.

And it's not fair
I keep on writing a sequel to stories
I know that are not there
I don't wanna die but I don't wanna live like this.

"Livi!! I promise you!! We will have a better life story than those Disney princesses!!! Our's would be a happy ending." He said as he stroked my hair, my head lying on his chest while we watched Cinderella.

I lost you before we could even start our story. It was not a happy ending.
I gulped another glass.

I just wanna feel something, I just wanna feel
I just wanna feel something, I just wanna feel
Something really real so that I can really
Feel like a person again

"I am really sorry mam, but we couldn't save your husband... We tried our best... " the doctor said as he looked at me with pity. I wanted to scream at him and cry my eyes out. But all I did was nod at him. Tears silently falling out of my eyes.

Numb, that's all I felt. The pain was too much, so my body decided to block it out. I felt lifeless. Like my soul left with him.

I drank another glass of alcohol, enjoying the burning pain it brought to my throat.

Stranger

Still don't know my name
You still don't know my name
And I would die your slave
Baby, right now
But you still don't know my name
Yeah.

" Olivia, he wouldn't want you to beat yourself up. Remember he loves you. I don't know what happened but I know that he would do it again. You were his world. And he would do anything to protect you. It is not your fault. Remember that." Mother Martha said putting her hands on my shoulder while I watched his coffin getting buried under the ground.

I chuckled bitterly. Of course, it is my fault.
I drank the last glass of alcohol before smashing the glass on the countertop. I smiled almost sadistically as the blood dripped down my hands.

Wish you, wish you'd come over, mm
Watching my friends break their hearts into two
Makes me jealous, I know that it's cruel
But what can you do?

Remember Livi!!! You just agreed to get married to me. That means that you can never get rid of me. I will follow you everywhere like the lost puppy I am. Because like I promised. I will fix you Olivia Queen and vice-versa. You have no choice love. You are in it for the long game." he said as he trailed behind me while I picked up some groceries from the store.

You shouldn't have followed me. Now that led you to your death. We lost the long game. I thought as tears blurred my eyes.

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️

And it's not fair
I keep on writing a sequel to stories
I know that are not there
I don't wanna die but I don't wanna live like this.

"Livi... Remember I love you and please don't blame yourself. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. You too Lil babies. Both of you take care of each other. Sorry... Livi.. I couldn't fulfill our wish of growing together and creating a ruckus in the old age home... I need you to find someone... Promise me you will move on love. I love you. Remember that. Tell our baby that their dada loved them." he said as he coughed again. He held my cheeks with his blood-stained hands bringing it down and kissing my lips one last time. My tears falling uncontrollably.

I want the memories to go away... It's hurting me.......
I thought as I took a can of beer before making my way to the bathroom. I can't do this anymore. I stumbled up the stairs before making my way to the bathroom.

I just wanna feel something, I just wanna feel
I just wanna feel something, I just wanna feel
Something really real so that I can really
Feel like a person again.

" Olivia. No matter what, I will be there for you. We have each other. We will fix each other slowly. I will protect you as you protect me. We will live happily while fighting against our demons." he said as he kissed my forehead. Pulling me closer to his chest. My panic attack slowly fading away.

After opening the tap to fill the tub I went and stood in front of my mirror. I looked at the reflection to see a woman. She looked scared and done with life. She looked broken......

Still don't know my name
You still don't know my name
And I would die your slave
Baby, right now
But you still don't know my name
Yeah.

" If I cant have you, no one else can" Taylor said, lighting up his matches and throwing it towards the side of the bldg that had oil leaking out of a container before running away while I just looked at him. My soul leaving with his. This is how our story ends. It's not a happy ending. It's not the end we dreamed about together. This is a nightmare.

"Livi baby, you don't need to do this....we can get through this together. Please don't do this to yourself......" I saw him standing behind me through the mirror. I almost ran towards him and hugged him, but I knew better, I was drunk and he was dead...

I walked towards the tub and let myself sink it. The hot water calming me. I looked at the blade before slowly slitting it in my arm. Not deep enough. I won't go deep yet. First I need to feel the pain I deserve.

The pain felt almost euphoric, making me addicted to it. I need more..... Slowly I started cutting through my arms and thighs.

⚠️Over!!!!! ⚠️

__________________

All of you remember what Olivia is doing is not the right path... I understand Olivia's pain... But harming yourself means that the person who hurt you wins. Please don't do that. Talk to someone. If you feel like you don't have someone. I am right here... Just DM me... Remember there is at least one person in this world who loves you. Live for that one person and yourself.