A New Malfoy

Journals

A/N: This is a chapter written through journal entries. We are going to see Pollux struggling with his sexuality and the trauma he is dealing with from last year. I also have changed whose Horcrux the journal is. After this, I will do a light chapter about Draco and trying out for the quidditch team. I need a small break after this from writing this stuff.

24/09/17

'I haven't told anyone about that dream. Not even Draco. What if I tell them and I realize I am not gay. I am so lost.'

The journal wrote back, 'I didn't know how to tell anyone either. It's acceptable to be gay, but internally it feels wrong.'

'Yeah, that's how I feel.'

27/09/17

'I had a nightmare. Potter attacking me. I can't remember the details. I screamed in my sleep which woke Draco up. He held me all night. I wish I knew what happened that night, that way I could heal.'

'Don't worry: You will remember one day and then all you will want to do is forget. Try drinking herb tea before bed. It'll help.'

'Thank you..'

'Brian.'

'Thank you, Brian.'

30/09/17

'Draco had a panic attack today. It was Potter's fault. Potter did this joke where he hid me from Draco. I want to make him pay.'

'Don't worry we will.'

'Oliver kissed my hand today as a joke. It made me melt. I want to kiss him.'

'He sounds adorable. Is he gay?'

'I don't know.'

'Find out.'

'It's easier said than done Brian.'

'True P.M.'

03/10/17

'I had five accidents today. Five.'

'Why?'

'I woke up wet. These nightmares keep following me. Then after the third mod, I heard something smash on the ground, I immediately was back to that night. What did Potter smash me with again? A rock? Yes! A rock! I know that. At lunch, someone tapped my shoulder from behind. I swore it was Potter and boom again I had wet. Daphne saw this, I wet through my absorbent underwear. She covered for me as I got changed. Then during charms, I fell asleep in class and another nightmare. Just now as I sit in the common room I had another one. I don't know why.'

'One bad day doesn't set you back. Trust me.'

'I want to.'

08/10/17

'I am going to make Potter hurt. I swear it. It's not fair. He controls me so much. He isn't even the real Potter.'

'How does he control you?'

'Every day. Every time I hear a loud sound I freak out because it could be him and that rock again. I hate green it reminds me of that night, I don't know why. Not Slytherin green, it's lighter. He is the reason Draco freaks out when I am not with him.

'We will make him pay.

13/10/17

'Today was a mildly good day. Potter was in the hospital wing all day. We went out to the quidditch field. We flew around for a while. We're going to have a competition. Each house's 2nd year is making a team and we'll do a small tournament. I am the seeker, Draco, Lily, and Olive are chasers. Vince and Greg are the beaters. Lastly, Tracey is our keeper. It will be fun.'

'That sounds like a good day.'

18/10/17

'I read a book today on human sexuality. See my thing is how do I know if I am gay? I am not quite sure I even know what gender I am.'

'Nonsense you are a boy.'

'I sort of like they/them pronouns.'

'Stop this.'

'Brian just think about it... human gender and sexuality are two difficult things to understand.'

'Sexuality yes. Gender no. There are boys and girls. You are a boy P.M'

'When were you born?'

'The late 1800s.'

'See that's why. I am from the 2010s. It is okay to question these things now Brian.'

'No, it is not.'

'Then shut up and let me journal you don't have to respond. I think I might be nonbinary. I know I don't want to use she/her, but I am not opposed to they/them. If I am nonbinary can I keep using P.M or do I need to pick a new name? I like the name P.M. How will I defy my sexuality if I am nonbinary? Is it okay to be nb?'

'No. Goodnight.' The book closed on its own.

21/10/17

'I am sitting in bed. Unable to get up. I remember that night. He beat me with a rock. He knows I know he's not really Potter. He tried the killing spell it didn't work. He wants me dead. I know too much. I am going to faint. I think I might faint.'

'If he isn't Potter where is the real Potter?'

'I don't know.'

'P.M?'

No answer. Pollux had started crying loud. Draco came and took the book and held Pollux.

"You must use disappearing ink nothing is on these pages." Pollux was starting to fall asleep. Draco held Pollux. Once he was sure Pollux was asleep, Draco decided to write some encouragement in Pollux's journal.

'Hey Pol! You got this!.'

'Who is this? Why are you writing in P.M's journal?

Draco put it down. He watched the ink disappear.

'Dear mum,

It is a ridiculously late time of night I know. Pollux woke up from a nightmare. He seems to remember that night now. I am not sure what triggered it. Pollux's journal that you bought him, the kind of gross looking black one. It writes back you know? That's really cool. I tried to write something in it and the thing told me to leave.

Love you,

Draco.'

I got a letter back weirdly fast.

'Draco,

I didn't get Pollux a black journal. Most journals do not write back. Perhaps he bought it for himself, I'll call you boys tomorrow.

Love, Mum.'

28/10/17

'Halloween is nearing. We are dressing up as superheroes. I am going to be spiderman. Draco is going to be Iron Man. It'll be fun.'

'Spiderman is a good choice. Especially for a boy.'

'Brian shut up.'

30/10/17

'I want to make Potter hurt.'

'Just wait.'

31/10/17

'I passed out today. You aren't going to believe what happened when I was out though. There was an attack on Josey. Zer now in a coma-like state. On the wall written in blood was 'Kill all the Adnormals.' Dumbledore said since Josey is a half-blood it's an attack on mudbloods. I think it is because Josey is autistic. But this school doesn't like those things.'

'Or because she uses freak pronouns.'

'Stop.'

'P.M don't you wonder why you were out?'

'I heard a voice before I passed out. It was saying something about killing. Everyone thinks Potter has something to do with cuz he found her.'

'It wasn't Potter trust me.'

'I am done with this book I am going to burn it.'

'You can't burn me P.M.'

A/N: This is short, but it sums up what I wanted to say.