Fight Fire with Fire (Frerard)

35. It's So Hard to be Together, and it won't Get Better

3:20am.

That's the time I fucking woke up screaming so loud mom and dad came running into my bedroom. Frank was sitting up on his bed, tears down his face and hands over his ears.

"Baby, what's wrong?!" Mom stresses as I get pulled from my nightmare by dad shaking me.

I sit up, drenched in sweat and tears. "I-I-I-I" I tremble, confused at first, then noticing the sweat.

A nightmare. It was a nightmare Gerard. Not real. A nightmare.

I clear my throat, looking at mom.

"A-A nightm-mare." I stutter out.

She looks stressed and concerned as she nods.

"Are you okay now?" Dad asks as I nod.

"Sorry to wake you guys. I-I'm fine now." I give a fake smile.

Dad and mom exit my room, as I look to Frank. He sits on his bed, hands still over his ears, eyes tightly shut and leaking tears. His knees are pulled to his chest, and he rocks back and forth as if it gives him some type of comfort.

I notice the shallow breaths coming from the terrified looking boy.

"Frank?" I mumble, hoping he is just tired and overemotional.

He shakes his head, "N-No! I-It hurts!"

My eyes widen. What hurts?

"Frank, I-what hurts?" My confused voice fills the dark room.

Frank sit's, rocking back and forth mumbling, "D-Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch m-me"

Feeling worried, I get out of my bed and move towards the sobbing boy. He shakes like mad. It's weird, normally I am the one sad. I hate Frank being sad...

"Frank, Frankie? Hey, shhh. I-It's okay. You are um, you are safe." I try, watching his wide and terrified eyes open.

"Don't t-t-touch me." He whispers, clearly petrified.

I bite my lip, "I won't."

That's when his dark eyes flick to mine. He looks confused. His eyes search my face.

"Who are y-Gerard?" He trembles.

He forgot who I was?!

"Frank, what's wrong? W-What is happening?" I ask, nervous.

I watch Frank's tears come to a stop, and his eyes fill with relief.

"Oh my god, Gerard." He breathes out, smiling softly.

I sit at the end of his bed, "What the fuck was wrong?"

His smile is replaced with wide eyes and a frown. Trembling, he slides out of his bed. I notice he is in underwear. God, he looks so good...

"Nothing is wrong." He lies.

"Don't lie Frank, you were just freaking out."

He shakes his head, sliding on some jeans and wrapping his shaking body in a warm hoodie.

"I'm not Gee. I just...I'm fine."

I get up, frustrated with his lies. Moving to stand face to face with the boy I long to kiss, I see the sadness in his eyes.

"Frank, stop fucking lying!" I groan, showing my annoyance.

His eyebrows furrow, "Back off Gee, I clearly don't want to talk about it."

Shaking my head, I say "Why not? Just tell me what was wrong."

Frank's fists get balled up, showing me that he is getting angry. I don't care. I want to know what the fuck was wrong.

"Move." He growls as I stand in his way of the door.

He isn't going anywhere. I need answers. Did I say something in my nightmare that upset him? Did he have a nightmare? I need to know!

"No. Stop being dramatic, and fucking tell me." I roll my eyes.

"Dramatic? Are you fucking kidding me? You're the one who is making this into a big argument. Just move and let me go for a smoke. I'm not kidding, move!"

His voice sounded beyond pissed off, but his face showed sadness.

"No, not until you tell me what's wrong. Come on Frank, stop being such a bitch, I'm trying to fucking help you!" I sigh out, watching his eyes widen.

That's when his temper goes from 0-100 in a split second.

"I SAID BACK OFF GERARD! MOVE!" he screams, pushing me out of his way.

I get thrown to the side, colliding with the ground. Fuck he is strong...

"Wait, Frank-"

"Fuck you. You're nothing but a selfish fucking prick! I wish I never kissed you." He spits before swinging the door open.

Unfortunately, we are met with my wide-eyed parents.

"Frank?"

"I'm leaving. I can't deal with your fucked-up son." Frank spits, pushing past my parents and rushing down the stairs.

Silence fills the air as the front door slams shut. He is gone. Where the hell is he going?

"Are you okay baby?" Mom asks nervously.

I look past her, seeing my father's disgusted face.

"You kissed Frank?" He asks in a cold voice.

Tears fall as I get up.

"N-No, dad, I can expl-"

"Are you a faggot, Gerard? I brought you up to be a good catholic boy, not some pretty boy!"

I shake my head. What type of asshole is he?!

"Are you?" He demands.

I shake my head again, "N-No. I-he...no."

Dad gives a short shake of his head before turning and leaving. Mom shares a sympathetic smile for a moment, before leaving too.

I am alone and miserable. What have I done? I hurt everyone I come in contact with...

Feeling like I may just lose my mind, I get up and move to my window. Fuck this house and fuck my useless life. Everyone hates me and I understand why.

Climbing out my window, I allow the cold air to hit my barely alive skin. I feel dead. I feel worse than I did after Frank found me getting...getting raped.

But maybe I deserved it. Maybe my life is so messed up because of me. I hurt everyone. I make everyone's lives harder. I'm a fucking burden. Maybe it wasn't rape. Maybe Father John was teaching me a lesson on how I make others feel. Was all the pain he inflicted on me what I inflict on everyone else?

Maybe he wasn't a bad guy. He was trying to help me, right? He wanted me to understand the pain I cause. I get it now. He...He was right, I really am useless...

My lungs are sore. I'm not sure if it's from the cold air or the lack of life in my shaking body. I know where my feet are going and for the first time, I'm okay with it.

He will make it all better. I deserve this. I deserve to pay for my sins.

Luckily, on my way to the church, I didn't see Frank. I'm not sure where he went but that's fine.

I'm fine.

I'll be fine.

HAPPY NEW YEAR FRENS! I'M BACK WITH A FEW MORE CHAPTERS. SORRY FOR THE SLOW UPDATES!