Fight Fire with Fire (Frerard)

29. It's Like There's Water In My Lung's

Groaning, I check out the damage left on my face and body thanks to the dickhead we all know as Brendon.

Typical he goes for the face today.

A black eye, split lip, bloody nose. Great job Brendon...

A loud knock sounds against the bathroom door as I groan.

"Frank? You okay? You've been in there for like...20 minutes" I hear Gerard call through to me.

Rolling my eyes, I bite back the urge to tell him to fuck off. Don't get me wrong, I love him and I don't want to hurt him, but god, the last thing I need right now is to hear the drama he has to say.

I feel like if I was to even look at his face, seeing all the pain and self-destruction behind his eyes, I would break. I cant do it anymore. I cant keep trying to help someone who doesn't want help.

It's tearing me apart. I feel so stressed out that I have this constant migraine, and I haven't felt this hopeless since my...since my parents died...

"Frank?" He calls again as I move from the mirror.

Cursing under my breath, I swing the door open, startling him.

One look at my beaten flesh, and he is spewing out questions.

"What happened? Who did that? Are you okay?"

I let out a pissed off breath, "Don't worry. I am fine."

"But your f-"

I rub my temples, feeling the migraine intensify, "Shut up, Gerard. I said I was fucking fine." I spit.

His sad face turns sadder, as I swallow hard.

"S-Sorry. I just..." He stumbles for words.

I feel tears well up. This isn't good. I cant let him see me cry!

"I-just leave me alone. I cant deal with you right now. Please, just-"

Shit. His face turns into a hurt and offended expression.

"W-What's that supposed t-to mean?" Tears fall from his eyes as I groan.

"Quit fucking making me feel bad for you Gerard. I didn't mean it like that. I just-" I take a deep breath, "Just leave me alone."

I push past him, making my way through the house, and down the stairs. I need to get away before I lose my mind.

When I get to the backyard, and the cold air hit's my pained face, as if a I had just been rammed over by a bus, tears push their way out of my eyes.

I crumble to my knees, feeling the green grass beneath me, as I sob. My head pounds, my body shakes, and my tears are mixing with the blood on my face.

I can't do it. I cant help him. Why can't I help him? It's all my fault. If I never came into his life, he'd be fine...

As I cry, I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder. I flinch slightly to the unexpected touch.

Through blurry vision, I see dark hair and a concerned expression.

"Frank, It's okay. I know you're sad and I-I'm sorry." Gerard's stupid fucking voice hit's my ears as I grow beyond frustrated with this damn boy.

"You don't fucking get it! I am so stressed out it hurts! I-" I lose my cool, "EVERYTHING IS TOO MUCH GERARD! I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS SHIT ANYMORE!" I scream, making Gerard take a cautious step back.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry..." Gerard clears his throat, "I'm sorry."

I watch as he tries to act like he isn't scared of me. I guess I understand why he is scared. I mean, I did punch him in the face the first time we met...

Tears fall as I feel weak and helpless. I didn't mean for him to be scared. I didn't mean for any of this!

"Don't be sorry. I-"

He smiles sadly. Why is he the most beautiful human on earth? Is he even human? I am sure he is an angel.

"I'm sorry. I think I am overtired or something." I mumble, wiping the tears away, noticing the bloody tears on my sleeve.

I should probably clean my wounds. I guess it can wait.

"You don't have to hide your feelings." Gerard mumbles, moving and taking a seat next to me on the grass.

I twist my body around, sitting cross legged and fishing my pockets for the one thing I am dying for.

He watches the star-filled sky, seeming like his mind is filled with demons.

"You know, maybe you should look into therapy? It might help with your stress?" Gerard's eyes don't leave the sky as he speaks.

My eyebrows furrow, "Maybe you should. You're the one who is spiraling out of control, and got raped twice."

As soon as those words left my mouth, and Gerard's carefree face turned pained, I regretted it. I went way too far. Oh god.

"Gee, I-" His eyes shut, as he lets out a shaky breath, still tilting his head to the dark sky, "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it like-I-this-I-fuck." I groan at my stupidity.

Good one Frank, offend someone who has just tried comforting you.

I pull a pack of cigarettes out of my pocket, pulling one out and looking to Gerard, seeing his teary eyes looking down at the grass now.

"Want a cigarette?" I ask cautiously, waiting to get punched in the face.

He looks directly into my eyes, and god his eyes are chilling. He takes the cigarette, placing it between his lips, still staring at me.

"I'm sorry." I frown.

Why am I so stupid?

"You were right." He starts.

"Gee-" I cut him off, shaking my head.

"Fuck up Frank. You and I both know it is true. I am fucked up mentally and I cant stop drowning in self-destruction. I get this sick sense of comfort when I do something that harms myself. I-" Gerard cut's himself off, looking away from my worried eyes.

"Gerard-"

"Don't."

"But I don't want you to hurt yourself. I don't want this life for you."

He breathes out the smoke, huffing a broken laugh. His dead eyes lock with mine, as chills go down my spine.

"I don't want my life either."