Fight Fire with Fire (Frerard)

43. I'm Here, and You're There

Frank hadn't shown up to the house for days. Ten days to be exact. And for those ten days, I had been center of attention, much to my dismay.

The news of the rape went to newspapers and media soon after people saw Father John being pulled out of the church in handcuffs.

No one looked at me in the same way. Teachers frowned in pity, local families offered sympathetic smiles and the kids at school...well most were unsure of how to react to it.

Brendon and his friends probably found it as a new reason to beat me up.

I guess I will see on Monday if that is true.

For now, I stayed away from everyone. Embarrassed mostly, but fearful too. What if they hate me more for being a slut? A priest-fucker.

"So I will pick you up after school and take you to Dr. Ryan. She is lovely, isn't she?"

I don't look at mom, all I see is the big school and unwashed teenagers.

"Gerard, I know it's hard for you. Yesturday went well, didn't it?"

Looking down, I sigh, "Only because teachers watched me all day, so no one could hurt me. I'll...I'll be fine."

Mom looked saddened by my negative outlook, but smiled nonetheless.

"Goodbye baby. Have a good day."

I offered a small smile, almost failing at bringing the smile to my face.

Things have been different lately.

For one, dad hasn't been home much. Now that he is the only preist at the church, he practically lives there. And I guess he doesn't want to see me. Why would he want to see a sinner like me?

Mom's been overloving. I didn't know being smothered in love could feel so suffocating. She is trying to keep me happy at all times, but is failing miserably.

I've been booked in to see a therapist. Dr. Ryan. We've had one session so far, and god was it terrible. Debby is her name and she is pretty, but shit at her job.

I suppose I'm being a little harsh on the girl, but I just don't understand why she took one look at me and my file, then prescribed me medication. I don't need those pills to make me feel happy. I don't need antidepressants, I need other pills like Xanax or Molly.

"Hi Gerard." A group of girls smiled and waved at me, causing an unsettling about of nerves to course through my body.

Why the fuck are they talking to me?

"Uh, hi." I mumble, trudging down the halls towards my locker.

Another thing that's happened during the ten days is my parents did a whole search of my room for any drugs. Thankfully, I saw it coming so I hid my cigarettes and the few pills I had left, in my pocket, before they came into the room.

They found some weed, but didn't say anything as they took it away, frowning.

My first day back at school was yesterday, and I didn't see Frank. Nor did I see Brendon, or the other assholes.

It kind of put me on edge, especially today when I notice Frank standing by my locker with worried eyes and guilty lips.

"Gee-" He started, but I cut him off.

I didn't know I was holding this anger towards him, until I gripped his shirt and slammed him against my locker.

He held sad eyes as my eyebrows furrowed.

"What the fuck do you want?" I spit, showing rage I wasn't quite sure I could contain.

"I-um-I wanted t-to talk to you." He was nervous and so was I.

How dare he leave me when I needed him most, then magically show up again!

"No. Fuck off." I let him go and push him away.

With pissed off eyes, he sighs, "Just stop being a bitch and follow me."

Much to my minds dismay, I follow the boy that drives me crazy, out the back of the school and towards the bleachers.

My mind couldn't stop thinking about this damn boy ever since getting out of the hospital.

I missed him, but I wanted to punch him. I still love him, but I hate him.

Sitting down, Frank pulls out two cigarettes, offering me one.

I take it, refusing to thank the asshole that left me.

"Okay s-"

My harsh words cut Frank off, "Did you enjoy staying at Ryan's? Did you have fun, Frankie?"

He cocked an eyebrow, "Gee, I-"

"Did you even think for a second to come back home?"

Silence.

"Of fucking course you didn't. How stupid of me to think, to fucking hope you would come knocking on the door."

I took an angry drag of my cigarette. It doesn't relieve any emotions in me anymore. I miss when I'd feel free.

How is it, that I am more free now than ever, yet I feel more trapped and controlled?

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry? You're sorry? Is that it?"

"What do you want me to say, Gerard? I didn't mean to hurt you."

"YOU FUCKING LEFT ME WHEN I NEEDED YOU!" I screamed, making his eyes widen.

"I didn't think you wanted me there. I thought you made it clear when you ignored me at school after I left. I didn't want to leave you Gee. I was angry and stupid and I'm sorry."

Tears fell down my face as I took a drag, sighing.

"I wanted you more than ever. I...I begged God you'd come back home." Frank looked miserable as he let me speak, "I was...t-terrified of being a-alone. And now...now I'm here, and you're there, and I still feel like you're gone."

My words were sad and cold, as Frank silently smoked.

"-A lot has happened since you left the house and...I wanted you. I...I needed you."

He let out a painful cry I was not expecting, before putting out his cigarette and bringing his hands to his face.

I watched, taking one last drag before pushing the cigarette into the ground.

Frank shook his head, "I-I am so-so sorry. I just-every time I look at y-you, I get taken b-back to the day I w-walked in on that bastard, and it m-makes me sick."

Tears flow down my hot cheeks, as I swallow thickly. I should've known seeing such a vile scene unfold would affect him...I'm so selfish.

I choke out a sob as I pull him in for a hug. He wraps his arms around me, and we cry heavily.

My body shakes as I sob into his shoulder. This is all so fucked up. Everything is fucked up.

And I think for a second,

Maybe, just maybe, together we will get through it.