I lay still, holding my breath as my body get's used and abused. Questions swirl through my decaying mind, as I focus on anything but the sick sound of skin-on-skin contact.
Why does life hate me so much?
Why do I hate me so much?
Why did my feet take me right into the grips of Father fucking John?
"Ugh, yeah baby."
Tears don't even fall anymore. They stopped flowing long before he tied me up. I don't feel much right now. Numb, empty...hollow if you will.
"Like it?" He groans near my ear.
Biting back the urge to scream out, I settle for the horrible sentence I find my poor self, saying far too often, "Yes, Th-Thank you F-F-Father John."
Silently, he tortures me. My mind takes me off to another planet, as I feel his thrust's become sloppy.
He turns, "EVERYONE!"
My eyes widen as he turns, gripping my arm and pulling me over to the kitchen table. People begin looking as he climbs up, motioning for me to do the same.
As I get up, Frank yells "LISTEN UP!"
Surprising me, it actually works. The music is cut, and all eyes are on us.
"THIS IS GERARD. HE IS HAVING HIS FIRST DRINK AND DRUG. IT'S ALSO HIS FIRST PARTY! LET'S SHOW THIS CATHOLIC GOOD BOY A REAL FUCKING PARTY!"
As he screams, all the drunk people hold their drinks up, cheering. Frank motions me to do the same. I stand, holding my drink high to the roof with Frank and everyone else.
"CHEERS TO MY AMAZING BROTHER!"
Where is my amazing brother now? Probably telling my fucking parent's all about the fight's I got involved in.
"Sh-Shit" I hiss as he flips me over, onto my back, before slamming into me again.
Anxiously, my eyes widen as Father John's hands wrap around my neck.
As sharp pain fills me, memories take me away again; only, this time I wish nothing more than to take the anxiety-causing memory away.
I lay, hand's wrapped firmly around my throat. My chest burns as I struggle to breathe.
"YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM!" I hardly hear Frank's screams as the sudden and terrifying realization hits me.
I am finally going to die. I have been dreaming for this moment for so long, and now I am actually going. It's about time I leave this shitty life behind.
As if my voice and body weren't controlled by me, I begin freaking out.
"L-Let go!" I yell, trying to pull his hands away from my bruised neck, "P-Please let m-me go!" I cry out as his shocked eyes widen.
In a fast motion, he slaps my left cheek hard. I stop moving, staring as he too, stop's moving.
"Get a fucking hold of yourself, Gerard. You're not a little kid anymore. You need to learn to silently obey."
I bite my lip, laying lifeless once again, as he begins moving again.
Take me away, to a place I can curl up and die.
-
Father John's touch haunts me as I walk the cold and empty, dark street's of Belleville. Perhaps it is the fact that I am alone and helpless, that makes me feel an overwhelming feeling of freedom. It wont last forever though, that's for sure. I don't think I could ever be fully set free...not until I am dead, at least.
What shocks me out of my silent state, is the feeling of my phone vibrating in my jeans. With a sigh, I pull it out. I am guessing it's mom, panicking as to where my useless self, went.
My phone shines 10:45pm as I answer it.
After Father John finished, I went to the park. I sat there, freezing cold but not really caring. I could hardly feel anything other than the shooting pain in my body. He was relentless tonight.
"Gerard?!" I hear Frank's hushed yet terrified voice.
Biting back the urge to hang up, I settle for "Frank."
I hear him sigh out in relief, before sniffing.
"I um, where are y-you?" He sounds as if he had been crying.
Looking up at the stars, I notice the sound of Frank's uneven breaths.
"Are you crying?" I also can't help but notice when I hear just how cold and emotionless my voice sounds.
It's void of any type of warmth. Perhaps it's because of the current weather. Maybe I am catching hypothermia.
Could it be the fact that my mental state is lower than my self-worth? Non-existent and terrifyingly dark.
"Um...n-no?" It came out sounding like a hopeless question.
The type of question you pray the other person believes. Unfortunately for him, I don't believe a word he said. However, I don't push for an answer. For some reason I feel like it may have something to do with my worthless self, leaving.
"I am walking towards the house." I state.
He sniffs again, "Meet me out the backyard. P-Please."
"Okay." I say before hanging up.
Oh lord, what does he want now?
Surely this shitty day can't get much worse...
YOU ARE READING
Fight Fire with Fire (Frerard)
FanfictionI wanted to both kiss the bruises off his poor milky skin and cause more. He was an asshole. A pure descendant of the devil. Why did I ever let him in my life? The moment I laid eyes upon him was the moment I knew his middle name spelt trouble. -- G...
