The Deeper you Dig, The Darker it Gets

24.

Trigger warning - Self harm & mentions of abuse.

Malory's POV

     Breakfast is extremely awkward today. First, Draco is still mad at me for what happened in the astronomy tower. I wish I could say I blame him but I don't. Luckily it doesn't bother me too badly because I'm more mad at myself than anyone else could be.

       Also Blaise and Aary are acting really odd, they have been ever since the party. I asked Aary if something happened but she said no, probably because I'm keeping secrets as well.

      And the icing on the cake, Professor Umbridge has officially become headmistress. It took Draco a while to tell her what Cho said but once he did, she took them down. Apparently Dumbledore created some sort of army and made Harry in charge. Dumbledore was supposed to go to Azkaban but we all know that's the last thing he'd let happen.

     Today's oatmeal flavor is maple. Blaise hasn't touched his bacon and eggs which is really unlike him. He doesn't look upset though, just quiet. I guess Aary finished her food before I even sat down but I highly doubt it.

         "Do you want to try this one?" I hold up a spoonful of the oatmeal towards Draco.

       He takes a bite out of his apple and completely ignores me. "Did you guys hear about Potter finally getting caught?"

          I bite down on my tongue to contain my attitude. Aary nods at Draco.

                     "They all should have gotten expelled."

        Draco laughs. "But then we'd have to find someone else to harass."

          Professor Umbridge comes over the speakers and begins reading off the list of rules she has made official now that she's headmistress. I didn't think school could get any worse but it sounds like the parties are going to have to be cancelled for a bit.

          "This is just brilliant." Draco says sarcastically. "She's ruining everything."

              "It's a good thing I got my birthday party already." Aary giggles.

      Draco shoots her a glare. "Don't make me take back those socks I got you."

                       Aary gasps sarcastically. "Oh how terrifying!"

        I catch Blaise staring at her for the fourth time today and start to get more curious. There's no way something actually happened though, Aary would have told me instantly. And also, Blaise? Would they really...

            "We've got to get to class." Blaise mutters while getting up from the table.

       I take the last bites of my oatmeal then join at his side. Draco and Aary do the same. The four of us try to walk as slowly as possible to Dark Arts in hopes of missing class but unfortunately when we get there Umbridge is still alive and well.

        I find my seat at the back of the room and Umbridge immediately begins class. Dark Arts used to be really fun but then we stopped using magic. I remember in year four when Moody put that spider on Draco's face, and in year two when all of the Pixie's escaped the cage. We all had to stay back to fight them off. Sometimes class was scary or a challenge but it was always fun either way. Now I hate it.

               "Who can tell me what a Boggart is?" Professor Umbridge asks.

       Year three with Professor Lupin was one of the best. Well, except for the day we learned about Boggarts. It started out fun because Longbottom saw Snape but then it got closer to my turn and I felt sick. Luckily Harry caused a scene and class ended early so I didn't have to face the Boggart because who knows what I'd see.

        Hermione raises her hand high and Umbridge points in her direction.

          "A Boggart is an amortal shapeshifter that takes on the form of someone's worst fear."

       Aary leans over and whispers in my ear, "I bet her Boggart would turn into a failing grade."

         I press my lips together to avoid laughing out loud. Even though we make fun of her it is nice having her in class, she makes it easier for the rest of us.

       Professor Umbridge explains that the reason we are discussing Boggarts again is because they are going to be one the O.W.L.s, shocker. She goes over everything that's written in the book, then assigns the homework.

         "You are all going to write a one thousand word essay over Boggarts and turn it in next class." She tells everyone.

         All of the students groan dramatically and she gives us glares. "Enough! You will be thanking me when you get good grades on your exams."

          I could easily get an outstanding in Dark Arts on my O.W.L.s without her help and I highly doubt an essay is going to get other student's grades up. Everyone copies each other anyway.

                     "You have the rest of class to work."

     Professor Umbridge takes a seat at her desk and everyone pulls out parchment to begin writing. Aary leans over and writes almost everything I do but changes the words around to not make it obvious.

              "I wonder what my Boggart would be." She says out loud.

                           "Probably Weasley." Draco butts in.

          Aary twists her head around and scowls him. "And yours would be running out of bleach for your hair."

                    "I don't fucking bleach my hair!" Draco shouts.

        He catches me laughing and glares. "What would yours turn into, Mal?"

                 Easy, my dad.

        "I have no clue." I reply.

       He rolls his eyes and continues working on his paper.

                                     *  *  *

      Draco and Blaise have Quidditch practice today, they're preparing for the final game in June. Aary was in the common room with me but ended up joining Pansy and Daphne for a study session. I would have joined but I don't feel like being social.

      So instead I decide to use my little bit of free time to take a bath. I know it sounds silly but there's not many things I can do anymore in peace.

       I turn the water on and make sure it's at a decent temperature then start to undress. Normally when taking my clothes off I do everything I can to avoid looking into the mirror. For some reason it slips my mind today to face the opposite direction and I catch a glimpse of myself.

         And after that first glance I can't stop looking.

       The bruise on my cheek is finally starting to fade which I'm grateful for because people can actually see it. If there was more than one mark visible people would start to seriously get worried.

       On my right bicep I see the fingerprints my father left yesterday because I wasn't standing where he wanted me to. A few days before that I got the bruise on my ribs, he smacked me with his wand because I asked too many questions.

       I should be mad at him or be filled with anger but I'm not, you know why? Right beside each of those marks he made is one I did myself. My left forearm is covered in slashes. The inside of my mouth has been bitten so many times it's completely scarred. My nails have no skin left around them.

How could I possibly be mad at him for hurting me when I do even worse to myself?

      With that thought dancing around in my brain I leave the mirror and step into the bathtub. This time I don't even try to ignore the razer blade on the edge.