It's Never Just Goodbye // Ed Sheeran

Mourning Over Two

Ed

I was drunk and at my parent's. Sitting in the living room while my family slept upstairs. It was Monday, almost a week since my grandfather had left us, but I was still feeling the pain. The entire house was feeling the same pain; a silent, quiet feeling that tore you apart, limb from limb.

I was back to thinking about my past because that's what drunk Ed usually does, but now my grandfather was involved in my guilt. Shaking my heart like a salt shaker, I couldn't contain my grasp on the world as it spun.

Kim had impeccable timing when it came to spreading horrible news. She honestly did. When my life crashes and is left in ruins, Kim knows just the right moment to spring in and make the day worse.

I should have expected the horribly-timed phone call I usually get from her, but this time I didn't. What bad news could she honestly report? Nothing seemed to be going crazy lately in the world of Kimberly, but it seems that I'm always wrong.

"She's getting fucking married. That's wonderful." I say and half-mean it. She tells me Alice is engaged with an attitude - a half accusing voice that shoves to the fact that I'm the reason Alice is marrying an asshole, even though I'm not the cause.

She brings up the fact I'm drunk and laughs. I simply agree. Honestly, I wait for her to send her condolences about my grandfather, but she doesn't because she doesn't know and I don't plan on telling her.

Kim is sly but not sly enough to catch drunk Ed off guard. She wants to know my real feelings? She'd have to wait a while to find them out. I'll keep my wall up, blocking out anyone who wants to get in, and everyone will think I'm fine.

Kimberly smugly laughs into the receiver. It's a chilling disposition she decided to give off of late and I take it grandly. "Ed," Her voice is high and filled with sass. "Aren't you worried that she'll be off the market for good?" I sigh. "She's in town, you know. At her mother's. You should go and talk her out of it."

"Oh, come on! You have got to be kidding me, Kim. I have been over that girl since we broke up. I don't get why you think it's appropriate to call me every time a major thing in Alice's life occurs."

"Over her?" She snorts. "Says the guy who continued to write songs about the green-eyed lady for years..."

"Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, I wrote all of those songs around the same time and just decided to release them separately."

"Look here, shithead. I just called to share the news considering she doesn't want to tell you herself."

With the phone pressed to my ear and bottle of vodka in my hand, I closed my eyes and tried to picture Alice and Oscar's wedding. It was hard to do - so instead, I imagined how he proposed. Some outrageous way, I supposed. Probably sticking the ring on a piece of bread and waiting for her to find it.

I laughed, "Why wouldn't she call me?" That was the least of my worries. My grandmother weighed on my brain along with Nina's album burning a hole in my heart. My ex-girlfriend refusing to call me to share the news of her engagement didn't irk me the way Kimberly wanted it to. It wasn't expected - who the fuck calls their ex to tell them news like that? The answer was no one.

Were Alice and I on speaking terms? No. Not friendly speaking terms. I didn't call her like I did my other friends, as did she with me. Simply, we were polite to each other's faces and that's all that was needed.

We hadn't spoken since the night of Kim and James' wedding. Stupid and drunk, I said shit and she left. Really, my stupid drunken mistakes and the things I say shouldn't be held against me. All of them are used to my blabbering over things I mean and don't mean. Alice shouldn't have taken what I said seriously - not that I completely regret saying that or that I didn't specifically mean those things.