It's Never Just Goodbye // Ed Sheeran

Irresolution

Alice

I have tried on twenty dresses it seems, but nothing has seemed perfect just yet. I have very little money to spend on a dress, but my mum and I are planning on leaving the shop today with one. I heard that when you try on a certain wedding dress and you know it is the one, you feel something special.

I'm still awaiting that feeling.

"Okay," Ciara, the woman helping me search and try on the dresses, starts. "Alice, tell me more about yourself and your fiancé."

"What do you want to know?" I ask. This was my second dress shop today that I had visited. No such luck in the last one, I planned on this being the conclusion of my day. The consultant in the last place had asked me the same thing; things like what my wedding colors were, the type of wedding we were having, and where it was set to take place.

"What's your fiancé's name? When did you two meet? When is the wedding? What are your colors?"

"His name is Oscar... We met a little over a year ago, at school actually." In the back of my mind, I replay the first day I met Oscar, but barely any of it is there. Knowing this, I start to feel like a terrible person. "I haven't really thought of colors honestly, but I know I want a white dress."

She takes a seat across from my mother and me. I'm pleasantly surprised when my mother doesn't add anything to what I'm saying. Ciara asks, "When is the wedding?"

"We're shooting for October." I say. I always wanted a spring wedding, but Oscar insisted we try and be different, and have one in autumn. I agreed, as long as it's not the day of Halloween. The consultant gives me a strange look as she writes it down on her notepad. Nervously, I spit out, "We just want to get married soon, but August and September are too soon."

Finally, my mum speaks her mind by saying, "I told Alice she should just wait until next year. This will give her time to plan, save, and book everything."

Ciara smiles politely, "Well, it's the bride and groom's day. I think a wedding in the fall will be beautiful."

I glance at my mum, but her face is unreadable. She wasn't too happy that I was engaged to Oscar, but she was pleased when I had included her in the planning of the wedding. When I had asked, she simply hugged me and replied, "I wasn't expecting you to ask me to help. You're always so on-your-own about everything."

I guess she was right.

Ciara carries on with questioning me about the occasion. "Are you have any bridesmaids?" She doesn't wait for me to answer before pulling out a small booklet and handing it over. "If so, we carry beautiful, but not-so-pricey bridesmaid dresses."

I wasn't planning on having any bridesmaids. Throughout the years, I had lost many friends. Especially the friends I had that were actually girls. When I started dating Ed and realized I didn't have to be surrounded by the drama that is being friends with teenage girls, I kind of didn't mind.

Now that I'm older and could use some female companions, I'm lost. I have Kim, and even her and I aren't that close anymore. She was pissed when I had told her I was engaged; although she said she was happy for me, I could hear in her voice otherwise.

"I don't really have many girlfriends to stand up, so I don't think so." I say truthfully.

My mother scoffs, "They don't have to be friends of yours, dear. You could have your cousins – Josie and Christina. They would love to be in your wedding."

"I barely see them. That would be weird, so no." I say.

"Alice, you have to have bridesmaids."

"I don't have to have anything."