It's Never Just Goodbye // Ed Sheeran

Patient Love

Alice

-twenty six weeks-

Got a Polaroid picture in my wallet//

I'm not going to tear it, not I'm not gonna' spoil it//

It's an unspoken heartbreak//

A heartbroken handshake I'll take with me where I go//

And three words on the tip of my tongue//

Not to be spoken nor sung//

Or whispered to anyone//

"Til I scream them at the top my lungs again - Passenger

"Where are we going." he asked me. 

I had my feet on the dashboard. The window was down as we drove through the emptiness of where I lived, far out. Where the town was empty and just now being built with half houses standing still. The whole thing an wary quiet with the radio buzzing. 

I didn't answer him and I wouldn't. I focused on how bloated my feet were and how tiny my tummy looked with the shirt I wore on. Or how my nails needed done. I also needed to stop biting my nails, it was a bad habit I needed to kick. 

"Alice," he interrupted my thoughts once again. I didn't blame him, Oscar just wanted to know. I would, too. "why did you ask me to pick you up?" 

Oscar and I have been driving around for over two hours and it looked like it was going to get dark soon. I still had my Lamaze clothes on, yoga pants and a loose fitted t-shirt. Oscar still wearing basketball shorts. 

Since he had picked me up, it had been nothing but silence. Once I opened the door and got in I ended up crying, to which I couldn't stop for a half hour. Oscar just sat quietly in his seat, not saying a word. He'd just sigh here and there. 

As we pulled away from my house, I saw my mother standing in the kitchen window. She looked disappointed in me. Another, "I can't blame her." ended up coming from my lips as we sped away. 

For a night in Spring, it seemed pretty warm. My skin felt on fire as I continued to ignore Oscar. Things, so many things were running through my mind. Whether I should go; just run away and never look back, no worries. 

There'd be worries. No matter how much I state that there wouldn't be no regrets, just carefree's, it back fires and my stomach fills with large about of anxiety. If I left Ed, I'd regret it. I would consistantly feel anxious, missing him. 

"Alice!" he snaps. 

I sigh and rub my hand over my stomach. "Just drive to motel room. We'll stay there and figure everything out then." 

That seem to end his constant worrying and fidgeting in his seat. Oscar seemed more calm and payed more attention to the road then me. Which I was completely fine with. 

I bet he thought I was going to sleep with him. As he sat in the drivers spot and steered the car into an illegal u-turn, back to the crappy motel room we saw a couple miles back, he probably thought I was going to finally give in an sleep with him. I could see the little dots of sweat on his forehead as he thought about it. 

I bit my lip. I wasn't going to sleep with him. Actually, truthfully, I was far from that decision. I had a plan and it wasn't sex.

He probably thought I was planning on running away with him. I wasn't sure about that yet. Everything was a complete blur, still. My eyes felt heavy and my head hurt every time I thought about it. How could I say no to someone like Oscar. He was the sweetest guy, besides Ed, I knew.