It's Never Just Goodbye // Ed Sheeran

Just Wanted Fun

Ed

I took it too far. I've ruined a love, let alone a friendship, with a cool girl. Someone who looked past the fact I always spoke of my ex and liked me despite of my flaws. I've broken it off - maybe not broken off, but vaguely stated we should take a break for a while - and now she's gone.

Poof, Nina's gone the way she came. Quickly ripped away like a band aid. Leaving the wound she left me with stinging and vulnerable.

No calls. Nina doesn't call me - not once, but I call her. Every day for a week, I leave her a voicemail stating my apologies. You know, the easy 'I'm sorry I'm such a dumbass, but I'm not changing my mind' sorry. Leaving myself with no words to say on the voicemail. Ironic actually; a man whose job is to come up with words to express his feelings is finally out of words to express them.

I fucked up. That night, hopped up on ecstasy like Alice would have said, I said things I didn't mean. Or meant, but didn't mean to say. While the guilted part was something that just came out wrong, I didn't have a logical alibi to back my 'I love you' story up.

Did I love her? Maybe.

While I sit in Taylor's house in LA, nursing a hangover from a small get together Stuart had last night, I go over in my head whether I truly loved her.

If you said you didn't while messed up, it was obviously true, I thought.

My brother once told me to watch my drinking when I was younger. "If you get too drunk, you start saying things you can't say while sober. Things you'd never want to say, but you honestly feel."

"I'm starting to think I'm your only friend." Taylor cracks. Handing me a cup of coffee. On the couch, she sits on her feet and gives me a warming smile. "I'm teasing."

"I have more friends. You're just the easiest one to hang out with."

She laughs, "Gee, thanks."

"What made you leave New York?" I ask. Ever since she bought her brownstone, she hasn't left the place.

With her phone in hand, she answers a message. Her fingers working quickly, the clicks filling the silence. Taylor's the one who always has her phone on extra loud. Never silent. Never hushed. She looks up, "Well, I was supposed to meet with Jack in Manhattan. We've been working on some things for my new album, but something came up."

I raised my eyebrows, "So you flew to LA?"

"Well, I have other friends to spend the day with, to talk to, so I came here to see them." She smirks. "A tiny vacation."

"Not hoping to run into someone who's in LA today?" I asked, half joking.

She slaps my arm, "LA is a very big place, Ed. If I wanted to casually run into someone, I wouldn't have picked this place."

I checked my own phone for the time. "I have to leave soon actually. Just dropped by to see you." I smiled. "What a coincidence you being here. Especially when I needed a lovely place to stay."

"Oh, don't be so sarcastic." She nudged me with her hand. "How does it feel to finally be here in LA?"

"Wonderful..." I close my eyes, shake my head, "It's too hot."

"That's my favorite part." Taylor rebuttals and when I don't reply, she sighs, "So where are you off to after you leave? Stuart got anything lined up? Another amazing party?"

"Actually Harry asked for another song to complete album number four." I reply. Taking a sip of the scorching, black coffee. Taylor started making it for me black after she couldn't find the right amount of cream and sugar for me. That's after I complained too much, I guess. "So after here, I'll meet up with him and go over extra songs I just don't need anymore."