It's Never Just Goodbye // Ed Sheeran

I Totally Love You

Ed

Some people say being famous is the best thing in the fucking world. They want this life style that not many have and I did, too. Ever since I was young, I wanted to be this big shot who could buy whatever the hell he wanted and tour the world. I longed for people to know my name – but that isn’t it anymore.

Being famous is harder than it fucking looks.

She called me and begged me to be at her party. And I would have if I didn’t have some career ahead of me. I wanted to say fuck it and fly to her house, but it isn’t easy.

I appreciate it, okay. I do. I am thankful for everything in my life – and do I regret it? Of course not. I’m this person that I wanted to achieve to be since I was ten.

And she’s holding me back.

Is she, though? Her wanting me to come home for a special party or because she needs me there … is that holding me back specifically? Or am I holding myself back?

If she wasn’t mine, I’d want her to be. Yet, she’s mine now and I’m already getting ahead of myself here. I’m someone who tours the world. While I want to settle down somewhere along the way, right now I can’t just go home whenever she requested I did.

These are the days that will define me forever. If I’m with her, I will be a different person as if I were not. Does that even make sense?

And this is the moment where I say fuck it. Give up everything for her.

Or do I give it up for myself?

It’s been years, but I’m still this chubby ginger that’s lost in the world. I’m wandering around; making myself stand out, but I’m not even sure what I want anymore.

“Fuck it all.” I said to Taylor. She sat on the chair beside me, her feet crossed, a paper laying on her lap. With wide eyes, she looks up. “I’m flying back to see her.”

“Ed,” she said. “Is that what you really want?”

“I mean, come on Taylor. Of course that’s what I want. I missed her birthday party and she obviously needs me there. You heard her on the phone.”

“Maybe she’s being a little overdramatic.”

“If you called Harry-“

“Harry and I aren’t together anymore, Ed.” Taylor interrupts.

I sighed, “Fine. If you were to call your boyfriend saying, ‘Please come here now.’ Wouldn’t you want him to get on the next flight?”

“If I had a boyfriend and I needed him for something serious, sure. But does Alice really need you to come? Especially to fly this late?” Taylor raised her eyebrows at me. “Is she serious?”

“You’re a hopeless romantic…”

“Okay, I am, but that doesn’t mean anything. You have a job that is hard to get, Ed. Doesn’t she realize that you flying home on such short notice is rare? Unless it’s a complete emergency, I don’t see the reasoning behind going home now.”

“Taylor, I just got back together with her. If she needs me, I have to go.” I stated.

The lights of her dressing room hung over us that a spot light. A layer of sweat formed on my hairline. I rested my elbows on my knees and my head fell on my hands.

“Ed, I see how you are with her. You are so outgoing and funny and – well, you’re so freaking nice. You walk around with the crew constantly smiling, until you got back together with Alice. She’s your high school sweetheart, Ed, maybe it’s time to let her go.”