It's Never Just Goodbye // Ed Sheeran

Three Months Later

Alice

-34 weeks pregnant-

I cried that night and further into the morning. Every feeling hitting me with as much force as it could muster. The pain excruciatingly dull. I shook like a tornado swirling into a dusty patch and my eyes reacted the same. Tears falling from my grey eyes seemed to end in bucket amounts.

I’m not coming home. I’m not coming.

And my dream of living with this talented musician is down the drain. Raising our child together? Ha! Bullshit. It’s my fault, I know, but it fucking sucks that this is happening. That coming home for me is such a burden.

I thought we were fine. He sounded fine on the phone. We were okay. Until he called back.

And now; three months later, eight months pregnant, and a term paper due, I’m crying my eyes out.

I stuffed my face with another cookie. I was eating my way through this depression that had come over me lately. With a pen in my other hand, I wrote down the simple words from the book in front of me.

I heard him sigh from across the table. I instantly look up to shoot him a glare only to receive a pitiful smile from him. Oscar says, “Alice, you need to cheer up.”

“How the fuck am I supposed to cheer up?!” I yelled. My mother was in the next room, but I knew she heard me from the scoff she gave in response. I had promised her I’d work on my swearing before the baby was born, but how easy is it really when shit like this happens?

“Think of something positive.”

Sometimes I regret calling Oscar up the first week Ed and I ended. He acts like my therapist and I want to kill him every day. Being pregnant with angry hormones doesn’t help one bit either.

“I’m not going to think of something positive when my life is shit!”

“No it’s not. You had a break up, Alice. Especially with someone you’ve ended with before. Just get over it.” He said angrily. I knew it was only a matter of time before he grew pissed at me. I wiped away the wetness on my cheeks and tossed my pen down.

I nodded, “Fine. I need to cheer up.”

“You’re going to have a baby next month, just think of that.”

“Yeah, with Ed’s baby!” I cried. “It’s going to pop out looking just like the father.”

“Go on a date with me.” Oscar proceeded. I stopped in my tracks.

“Are you kidding me?”

I always cross this path with him. He always does this. It’s inevitable.

Oscar gives me a specific look that proves he’s far from kidding. With a swipe of his hand, he pushes back his black hair mindlessly. The small promise ring on his finger from Meredith sparkled. It was sad that he still cherished her no matter if she was alive or well – here with him. And I wondered if Ed would feel the same.

Like I said; Oscar and I have been through this whole let’s date thing. As far as we know, it won’t work. How many times have we actually came to the conclusion that yeah, maybe I do like you?

Did I? Truthfully, I didn’t. While he was some kind of wonderful, I couldn’t force myself to love someone I honestly didn’t care about in that way. He was a typical UNI boyfriend at the most.

Boyfriend? Oh, God. Did I just think that? Boyfriend. He wasn’t my boyfriend. He was a friend at the most. An amigo. A mate that seemed to like me despite my fucked up emotions and overflowing stomach.