It's Never Just Goodbye // Ed Sheeran

Trying To Forget Her

*Hi, here is the update. I hope you enjoy. Please ignore any mistakes or misspellings. I'm trying out a new writing APP on my computer and it doesn't correct any of the spelling mistakes. 

Alright...Thanks for reading and enjoy. 

<3 Madisen*

Ed

There are days when I wake up and wonder why I'm still here. I wonder why I'm so lucky in this world. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm doing here. Like, I'll sit on the tour bus and try to smile, but nothing comes close to one. That's when I start thinking. 

That's when I write. Not like it turns into anything special, ever. It just seems like she crosses my mind too much. I get close to calling her, but I already promised Taylor I wouldn't. She thinks if I don't, everything would be better. I even went further and deleted her number, everyone proud of me, them not knowing I know it by heart. 

 There are days where I barely recognize the pair of eyes staring back at me in the mirror. She would always make me believe I was a good person, unless we were fighting. Then both of us were out for blood. Alice. I miss her. 

Stop! Stop thinking about her, I tell myself. It doesn't work and it never seemed to before, either. Her name is like poison on my tongue and I can't seem to drop it. 

I wish I could love her. I wish everything would go back to normal. It doesn't though and it never will. 

That is why I'm on tour. I'm getting my life straightened out with music and Taylor. A friend, a best friend, that I've needed for awhile now. A friend who has gone through as much heart ache as me. Someone who gives great advice when I need it. That's what I have Taylor for. 

I rolled over and rolled back again. I couldn't seem to ever get comfortable on rides and now, more than ever, I felt irritable. It was raining outside and it seemed to always be raining on the road. The windows soaked. The storms only made me tired. 

I needed sleep. I laid my head back and scrunched up on the couch of the tour bus. The raggedy, but actually a very comfy sofa, beneath me. Meredith, the very chill kitten on the edge, by my head. Sleep came very quickly. 

Her pale skin and blond hair came into focus. My heart jumped with happiness. This moment, the moment I had been waiting for all day. Holding her and kissing her and telling her everything would be fine. That I would stay and be with her forever. 

 I couldn't wait to assure her. Yet, she never stopped walking. It seemed like she was further and further away and when I tried to call her name out, nothing would come out. I stood there, scared for death. 

 "Alice!" I screamed after her, but nothing happened. Only a deafened echo and no response. I closed my eyes though, for a split second. And when I reopened them, there she was. Standing in front of me, her biting her lip. 

"Alice,"  I say quietly, pressing my hand gently pressed against her cheek.

 "No." she says. "No, no, no. no, no, no, no!" 

 Then my heart started pumping and my body felt real again. I finally realized that I was screaming. I sat up quickly, my face covered in sweat. Everyone in the tour bus gave me strange looks, even Taylor. Her eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. 

I give her an awkward smile as I pushed back my hair. This couldn't be happening. I had officially lost it and I had no clue where my mind was these days. I had fallen again and again. I had fallin' in love with Alice again, just by seeing her in a dream.