It's Never Just Goodbye // Ed Sheeran

How'd I Get So Faded?

Ed

I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream.
Fading out again,
I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream.
So tell me when it kicks in.

They didn’t let people into the boat house until the sun started to set. Only our school friends and a few young relatives of theirs stayed. Beers were passed around from a cooler, cocktails were made, and shots were poured.

The party didn’t start until James stood on top of a wooden chair and said, “I guess I should be saying this! Thanks for coming tonight and celebrating this with us!”

Kim joined him. The table creaking under her wait as she sat down on it. Raising her glass, she said, ““This is going to be a fucking amazing night!”

I suggested to Nina that we should leave. After all, Alice and Oscar did. The only one left from our immediate circle of friends besides Conner, James, and Kim was Clara. Her husband had taken the baby home and now she was left at a table, chatting amongst her old clique.

“No,” Nina had said. “I want them to like me and if we leave, they’ll think it’s all my fault. Let’s stay. Let’s have fun.” 

Nina wanted to dance, but I hated to dance. Some music played and the bass shook the house as she found herself like a magnet to the floor. With her eyes attached to mine, she swayed her body beautifully.

Only thing that took my eyes off of her was James tapping me on the shoulder. In the palm of his hand, he held two small pills. “Want some?”

“What is that?”

“MDMA.” He states, popping a tiny pill into his own drink. He saw my confusion and corrected himself. “It’s just ecstasy, man.”

“Where the hell did you get that shit?” I asked.

He shrugged, “Here and there.”

I laughed nervously, “You’re taking that at your wedding reception?” I asked. Looking over my shoulder at Nina. She was waiting for me to join her on the tiny makeshift dance floor in the middle of the boat house. He nodded and took a sip of his drink. “I better not. I have Nina.”

“Why not?” James chuckled. “Conner took some and he brought his date. We’ll just crash here tonight anyway. It’ll just loosen you up.”

“Seriously? That’s all it does?”

He nods.

“Do you want to try it?” He asks me again and I give a slight nod. Holding out my own cup and looking apprehensively at Nina, but she didn’t notice as Clara started a chat with her. James says, “It tastes really bad if you put it in your mouth but I’ll just put it in your drink and it’ll be fine.”

I see Conner frantically dancing – or what he thinks is dancing – and I almost don’t drink it. It would make me look like a fucking idiot. With a sudden resistance, I shake my head and James pushes my hand with the glass in it towards my lips, “Drink it, Ed. It’ll be wonderful.”

“Wonderful.” I repeat and pound back my drink. Chugging it.

“Nina will never love you more.” He states. “Even Kim has done it.” His eyes go wide with delight, “Now just ride the wave. Just tell me when it kicks in.”

Nina decided to sit down with the girls and listen in on the gossip of people she didn’t even know. Leaning forward across the table, she listened in and I watched until everything else became more important.

Like dancing. The music filling my pores. I was starting to grow jittery, but I had to chill out. “Sit down, Ed!” Conner yelled to me. His voice slow and intense. “Relax!”