It's Never Just Goodbye // Ed Sheeran

Tell Me You Love Me, Only For Tonight

Alice

-twenty three weeks pregnant-

He's charming and endearing and I'm comfortable, but I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain-it's 2am and I'm cursing your name. You're so in love that you act insane and that's the way I loved you - Taylor Swift

I rolled back onto my back. It was over a week later.  A week after the big kiss. Is it odd that I can still feel his warm lips against mine? And after three more dates and officially calling each other, well, boyfriend and girlfriend...I can't get over it. It's so surreal. 

I shake my mind out of this daze. The warm air of my bedroom sinking down to my bed. The windows were fogged because of the humidifier in the corner was on. I took in a deep breath. I only hoped that I could play sick for work tomorrow, thanking God it was also Saturday. That means if I did have to work, I would at least not have school.

As much as I like to think I like Oscar, I can't push myself. The kiss: fantastic. The way his hands inched around my waist as he pulled me closer: even better. I just think maybe I'm pushing it. The last person I was ever in love with was, well, Ed. He was also the only person I ever loved. My mind, I think, is pulling tricks on me. Making my heart flutter and my arms cringe with goose bumps because I am ready to move on. 

I can't help, ever, when my mind  changes and I think of Ed. I just wish he was here with me, sometimes. I think everything would be much more simple. I could lay here with him and he would hold me and I wouldn't have to hold onto the memories we had as the days slowly drift away. 

I rolled off the bed and onto my feet. My eyes were half shut, but I made my way across the cluttered floor. A mix of CD's and clothes covering the ground. My eyes already adjusted to the darkness shut instantly once I flickered the lights on. 

I looked around for my phone. I had two phone calls I needed to make. Well, one of them being non-important. Actually in the back of my mind I knew it was a terrible decision. I didn't mind, though. I was full of mistakes. 

He answered right away. Why? I didn't know. Maybe he deleted my number and didn't know it was me calling. I stayed silent as the familiar voice danced through the phone. 

"Hi." I muttered. 

I hear the quiet muffling through the speaker. I wonder if he figured out it was me and was heading to a softer area. I waited patiently. I took in a deep breath and let it out quickly. 

Ed says, "I'm back." I must've been right. He had to have moved. 

"How are you?" I ask. 

"Wait, is this Alice?" his voice his high. He must be either nervous or entirely drunk. 

"Yes." I say. 

"Oh." he answered, leaving an awkward pause between us. 

"I heard you're on tour with Taylor. Where are you now?" I ask, trying to lighten the mood. Which is entirely hard considering we haven't talked in forever and the last time we did it wasn't exactly thrilling. 

"Um, we're in New York," he stutters. Ed just lied to me. Seriously? He honestly doesn't want me to know where he is? That had to mean he's close to me. 

"That's great." I admit, not even a  bit sarcastic. "I'm very proud. Love the new CD." 

"Yeah, you're mum told me." he's still distant. Come on, Ed, at least show some bit of interest in me. Show me one last time you're in love with me. Make me feel like I'm wanted by you. Like I'm the only girl for you.