It's Never Just Goodbye // Ed Sheeran

Love is Madness

Ed

When I opened my eyes the next morning, Alice sat there staring at me. Her cheeks rosy and wet with tear lines. She looked as if she didn’t sleep at all, dark circles rimming her eyes even more than before and as if she had two black eyes.

“Have you ever thought that you may be an alcoholic?” She asks me, the first thing coming out of her mouth in the late morning after my drunken night.

I sat up slowly and shake my head. My head felt heavier somehow and I could barely sit there without feeling the vomit at the end of my mouth. I swallowed hard.

Alice turned and grabbed a glass of water from her nightstand before handing it over to me. She raised one eyebrow and says, “It might be warm.”

I take a sip and it instantly hydrates my dry mouth. The back of my head pounded and my stomach lurched and I took another drink of the cool water.

I mumble, “I’m not an alcoholic.”

“The thing is, I could possibly believe you, but every time I see you, Ed, you’re not sober.”

“We don’t see each other that often.”

“Even when we used to see each other all the time, you always had to have something to drink…”

“Doesn’t mean I’m an alcoholic.” I say, my voice raising. My fingertips press against my cheek. If I stood, I would throw everything up from the night before.

Everything from the night before was cloudy. I didn’t know how I ended up here, but I knew I fucked up.

“Maybe you’re just a weekend alcoholic. You know, that is a thing.” Her voice is hard as rock and she shows very little emotion. No matter, I can still see the redness in her eyes present from crying. There was a real person behind the wall she had built. “Do you live for the weekends, Ed? So you can spend your time drinking away your worries?”

“Shut up, Alice.”

“I’m just trying to find out what’s going on in your head that makes you want to drink so much.”

“I like how it feels when I drink.” I tell her. “I like the taste.”

“It will make you fat. Alcohol has a lot of calories.”

“I’m already fat.”

“You look like you’ve lost some weight…”

I raise my aching head and look her in the eyes. I mutter, “You, too.” I shut my eyes again, the light blinding me. “And if I’ve lost weight, drinking obviously isn’t making me fat.”

“I guess you have a point.”

Alice stood up from the bed. She pulled her hair back, away from her face, but it didn’t matter because it fell back in place where it was before. She laid her eyes on me warily, and waited for me to say something.

When I didn’t speak, she uttered, “Are you leaving soon?”

I give a hoarse laugh and ignore the question. Laying my head back on her pillow, I stare up at the ceiling. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and laughed another dry one. I say, “I had the weirdest dream last night.”

“Ed, we don’t have to discuss your dreams.” Her eyes were squinted partially, as if she was trying to read me but suddenly couldn’t. “Don’t you think it’s time for you to leave?”

“It was crazy-“

She cut me off as she said, “Ed, wouldn’t your girlfriend mind you being here? I know I wouldn’t want Oscar hanging out with any of his exes.”