endgame ✦ draco malfoy

confession

    "Stass, did I fuck up?", I asked with tears mixed with my mascara streaming down my face. "Tell me the truth, there's no way I can feel any worse"

    "Honestly, Stell, it's what I would've done. You were angry and wanted to do whatever it takes to make Theo feel the pain you did", she said sitting down on the ground next to me. "I know you're hurting and you rather have other people feel the pain than yourself but sometimes you have to just let yourself feel"

    "I can't do that", I said taking my devil horns off my head and tossing it across the room.

    "Why not?"

    "Because feeling shit hurts. I rather shut everything out and feel nothing"

    "That's not healthy"

    "It's what's keeping me from crying every single time I look at Theo. I loved him, Stass. I spent most of my life loving him and he just..."

    "Come here", Stass said wrapping her arms around me as I cried on her shoulder. She kissed the top of my head and held me tightly. "Everything is going to be okay, I promise"

    "I ruined everything between Theo and I", I cried.

    "No, you didn't. He'll get over this. By tomorrow, he's going to see that everything is now even"

    "I'm not talking about what I did earlier. I did something terrible, worst than wearing tights as pants"

    "Holy fuck, Stell. What did you do?"

    "I fucked Draco"

    "What!", she shouted, jumping up from the ground. "I don't think I heard you correctly. I think I'm still high. Did you just say you fucked Draco?"

    "Yes", I sniffled. "It happened the day we caught Theo with Ginny. I was crying in the bathroom and he brought in a bottle of tequila. One thing led to another and we ended up fucking"

    "Bloody hell", she said running her hands through her hair. "This is bad, really bad. You just chartered territories that I wouldn't even dare penetrate"

    "I know", I groaned. "How do you think I feel, holding it in for this long"

    "A part of me wants to tell you to tell Theo and the other part of me wants to tell you to keep it as a secret. This is so fucked up, Stella"

    "I fucking know"

    "You have to tell him, tonight. The longer you wait, the worst it's going to get"

    "I don't think I can"

    "I know I've said 'if a boy does you wrong, fuck his best friend', but I didn't mean a best friend in our friend group"

    "Thanks for making me feel better", I said sarcastically.

    Stass is right, I have to tell Theo sooner than later. He already hates me, can it get any worst? Telling Theo won't only affect my relationship with him but also Draco's. Telling him means loosing Draco and I don't know if I want to do that. I fucked up big time and now I'm fucking shit up for everyone. I'm so fucking stupid. I brought this upon myself.

    I got up form the ground and slowly approached the door to my dorm room, scared for what will happen when I leave. Stass gave me a little cheer for encouragement as I walked out my door and upstairs to the common room. Right as I was about to walk across the common room to the boys' dormitories, I saw Theo sitting on the black leather couch in the lounge by the fire. I walked over to him and sat down on the couch next to him.

    I took one deep breath and said, "I need to tell you something"

    "You don't have to apologize, Stell", Theo said taking my hands from my lap and holding it. "I get why you did what you did. I hurt you and you just wanted to feel the way you did"

    "Do you have your wand on you?"

    "Yeah... why...."

    "Can I have it?"

    "Why?"

    "Because I know you would never hit me but you might stun me", I said holding out my hand. Theo sighed and then reached into his pocket, handing me his wand and I tucked it behind a throw pillow.

    "You're making me nervous", he chuckled.

    Trust me, I'm more nervous than you. "Um... I...". My voice started to break and tears started to well in my eyes. Fuck. I fucking hate this. "Draco and I... we hooked up", I said as a single tear drip down my cheek. Theo just stared at me, not saying a single word. I can see his bright blue eyes getting glossy. "It was after we broke up"

    "Do you love him?", he asked, trying to hold in his tears.

    "No, I don't. We were both drunk and I was hurt after everything that happened. It was reckless of me. I'm sorry, Theo"

    "It's not all your fault. He should've stopped it"

    "But it was me who started it"

    "Draco knows better. You at least had a reason, he didn't", he said getting up from the couch.

    I grabbed his hand and said, "Please don't be mad at Draco"

    "Stell, he knows me better than anyone else. Draco knows how I feel about you and he took advantage of you while you were at your lowest"

    "I was the one who took advantage of him"

    "Don't defend him"

    "I'm not. I'm taking responsibility for what I did"

    Theo leaned down to me and kissed the top of my head before walking out of the common room and down to his dorm room, leaving alone, sitting on the cold leather couch.