endgame ✦ draco malfoy

the night after

    I was tapping my quill against the oak wood study table in the Slytherin Common Room while Stass and I did our Defense Against the Dark Arts homework. My legs shook under the table and I couldn't help but replay everything that happened last over and over again in my head. Louis told me he loved me. I barely know Louis, how could he love me? Maybe he said it because we were hooking up or he meant he loved hooking up with me. There's no way a stranger is in love with me. That's fucking insane.

    "Blimey, Stella", Stass groaned. "Your stupid shaking legs and your quill tapping is distracting the fuck out of me"

    "I'm sorry, Stass", I sighed. "I'm just... I'm just kind of lost I guess"

    "Lost?"

    "Last night, when Louis and I stuck out of the party-"

    "Did you guys fuck?", she asked, cutting me off.

    "Well... yes, but he told me he loved me"

    "Wow...", she said stunned. "I-I don't know what to say. Did you say it back?"

    "No. I just pretended that I didn't hear him and went back to the party to get you so we could leave"

    "Stell", she sighed. "You didn't say it back?"

    "Say what back?", Alex asked sitting down at the table across from me.

    "Little Miss Blackwood here was getting it on and Louis said the golden words to her", Stass replied.

    "Oh shit", he chuckled. "Really? What was it like?"

    "What was what like?", Blaise asked sitting down at the table with Draco and Theo.

    "Nothing...", I said sitting up straight in my chair. "Nothing at all..."

    "Damn. Did we just kill the mood, Blackwood?", he chucked.

    "A little", I muttered under my breath.

    "Louis told Stella he loved her while they were being... intimate", Stass said wiggling her eyebrows.

    I nudged her arm with my elbow, hard, making her let out a whimper. Why the fuck did Stass broadcast that to the fucking boys. Alex, I don't really care about, it's Draco and Theo I'm worried about.

    Draco's devilish smirk dropped and his shoulders hunched over. He was staring down at his hands and began to play with the silver rings on his fingers.

    "And did you say anything back?", asked Blaise.

    "How could I?", I answered. "I said it too soon one time and... not soon enough the other", I said looking at Theo and Draco.

    Theo looked the other way and scratched the back of his head while Draco continued to stare down at his hands. Draco let out a sigh and got up from his chair, walking out of the study lounge. I watched as he walked down the stairs of the boys dormitories with his head hanging low.

    "I should um... I should go", I said getting up from my chair and following Draco downstairs to his dorm room.

    "Stella", Theo said grabbing onto my arm. "I don't think that's a good idea"

    "I feel bad. I pretty much just called him out in front of everyone. I have to go apologize"

    "Draco feels bad. He feels bad that he made you feel pressured to tell him that you loved him and he never wanted to end things the way he did. He loves you, Stella, he really does"

    "Did he tell you that?"

    "He did. After you left the party with Louis, Draco told all of us that he loved you and regrets messing things up between the two of you"

    I did't think I was ready to hear that. Hearing that Draco loves me from Theo's lips is something I never prepared myself for. After all this time, I thought that Draco resented me for never telling him that I love him first. That his summer away with the boys was meant his way of letting me go and moving on with someone new. Even when I told Draco to say the eight letters and three words, I thought he just moved on because he couldn't say it to me. Draco has never been the one to talk about his feelings but when we were together last year, he really tried with me while I spent most of the time still healing from my relationship with Theo.

    Getting into something with Draco so soon after Theo was my mistake and I should've waited a little longer before I jumped into something new. It's my fault that things between Draco and I are nonexistent. Not only did I began a relationship with Draco only a few months after Theo, but I went to Paris for a few weeks and brought home a new boy after knowing him for one day. If I had been patient, Draco and I would be together right now.

    "I don't love him, Louis. I barely like him", I admitted.

    "Then why are you with him? The poor bloke is obviously head over heels about you"

    "Because after the way Draco made me feel before summer, I just wanted to feel wanted and Louis did that for me"

    "You have to end things with him, Stell. Holding onto Louis when you feel nothing towards him is only going to hurt him more. He's a good guy and doesn't deserve to be played with"

    I can't believe I'm saying this, but Theo is right.

    "Well, I probably shouldn't break up with his via owl and I think it's too soon for me to apparate back to Ilvermorny to see him"

    "Just give it some time. That goes for both Louis and Draco"

    "Are you sure? I feel like I should say something to Draco"

    "I promise you, talking to Draco right now is not a good idea. You and 'love' in the sentence is sensitive to him"

    "I wonder why?", I said rolling my eyes.

    "It's probably my fault that you have a hard time with getting close with people. I know I haven't really apologized to you, but I'm really sorry, Stell. What I did to you with Ginny and trying to get in between you and Draco last year was fucked up. I was childish and reckless, you deserved better than that"

    "Careful, Nott. I might actually start liking you again", I teased, lighting shoving him.

    "When did you stop liking me?"

    "I think you know when"

    "Right...", he said scratching the back of his head. "Again, I'm sorry. I hope that one day we can be alright"

    "Like I've said before, 'baby steps, mon chéri, baby steps'"

    Theo threw his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested the side of my head on his chest, feeling his heart beating through his sweatshirt.

    "When you said you were going to start liking me again, what did you mean? Did you were going to like me as a friend agin or like me again"

    "You're ruining the moment", I said rolling my eyes.

    "Sorry", he chuckled, resting his chin on the top of my head. "Just trying to make you laugh"

    I miss this. I miss the Theo I grew up with. The boy who was kind, gentle, and didn't run around fucking other girls while in a relationship. Theo was always the voice of reason before we became teenagers and he started acting like an asshole who terrorized the corridors of Hogwarts with Draco. Although my feelings for Theo was once more than just friendly, my love for Theo now is platonic. He was my first love and will always be, but Draco is my epic love. If only loving Draco is just as easy as listening to Theo's heartbeat.