endgame ✦ draco malfoy

i'll wait

    Since our kiss last night, I haven't been able to stop thinking about Theo. I stayed up all night wondering if the kiss meant something. Did it mean that we're getting back together or was  it something that happened in the moment? Just a few days ago, Theo told me to go for Draco and I was somewhat considering it, but just because I didn't "pick" Draco, it doesn't mean that I am "picking" Theo. I don't want a boyfriend right now. I want to go into Ilvermorny on a clean slate, not repeating history.

    Three soft knocks hit the door of my bedroom and the handle slowly twisted open.

    "I'm not having breakfast this morning, mummy. I'm having brunch at the Malfoys with-"

    Standing in the doorway with a slouched posture was Theo. His hands were in the pockets of his trousers and his head hung low.

    I sat up in my bed and rested my back against my headboard, pulling my duvet over my legs.

    "What are you doing here?", I asked.

    "I... um... I thought I'd come over and talk about last night", answered Theo. "Can I come in?"

    "Of course"

    Theo dragged his feet against my dark hardwood floors over to my bed. He sat down next to me, moving the pillows so he could rest his back against my headboard. His body was twisted with his legs hanging off the side of my bed.

    "I'm sorry for kissing you last night", he apologized. "I was in the moment and I'm sure it gave you mixed signals"

    Mixed signals? The only signal I got from last night was that he was still in love with me.

    "You were right", he continued. "We're only eighteen and I shouldn't be so fixated on something that we came up with as children. I'm sorry if I pressured you into thinking that you should get back together with me because that's not what I want"

    "It's not?"

    "Well, I do want to be together, I just don't want you feel obligated to get back together with me"

    "Don't worry, Theo. You didn't make me feel that way"

    Only just kept me up all night trying to figure out why you did what you did.

    "Great", he chuckled. "I was worried that the kiss was going to ruin the dynamic we have going on"

    "And what might that be?"

    "Friends", he said sharply. "Just friends, nothing more"

    I don't know why but hearing Theo say that we're nothing more than just friends made my heart sank a little. Last week, I was so set on never seeing him more than a close friend, but now, after that kiss, I wish he would've said something different.

    Maybe my problem isn't choosing between Draco or Theo, maybe it's the fact that I fall for anyone who is willing to give me attention. Let's face it, I only wanted to get back together again with Theo because he was all over me. Before that and while Draco and I were fighting, the thought of being his again never crossed my mind. Same goes for Draco. I didn't start thinking about him until Theo brought up the fact that Draco is still in love with me.

    In conclusion, I'm an attention whore who falls for anyone one who is willing to give me their time of day. When Draco and Theo are all over me and protective, I love it. When their not, I could give two fucks about them. Am I so damaged from my parents never caring about me unless it has to do with Blackwood Family name that I crave it from other people? If this isn't a wake up call, I don't know what is.