Love Charade

Chapter 37: Engaged

Every day when I wake up, I always wish to see the sunrise but years in the medical field hindered me to clench this thirst. Sunrise has turned to be the sunset of my life because of my indefinite schedules.

I also lost my ability to appreciate sunrises twelve years ago, the moment when I realized that there will never be sunrise for him anymore. Sunrise has lost its essence to my life when I found out that I was left to witness it, alone and abandoned.

I have been living a life of agony and longing. I provided second life to my patients but my heart died every single moment knowing that I could no longer save the very reason why I became a neurosurgeon.

I could not control my longing for him. sometimes I found myself sulking in the darkest abyss of sorrow, crying out for him.

Why was I left to suffer the agony of losing the one I loved?

Maybe because he’s the kind of love one who really valued me back even just for a short period of time. Mas naging significant pa yata ang existent niya sa buhay ko kumpara sa mga magulang ko naka-focus lang ang atensyon sa isang anak.

A soft caress on my palm took me back to reality. I refused to open my eyes but a strong feeling forced me back to my current state. Slowly, little by little I opened my eyes.

I could still feel the familiar warmth in my palm. I looked down and examined it and saw that it was held prisoner by a strong hand. My forehead knotted and my stare immediately flew up to the stranger holding me.

“Baba…”

I could feel all the blood drained in my entire body. My whole world spun as if I was left in an endless spinning wheel. My head became a carousel of painful memories and the spinning doubled.

Totoo ba itong nakikita ko o pinaglalaruan lang ako ng nag-uumapaw kong emosyon?  Kung sana totoo na lang. Sana buhay na lang siya. Walang katapusang sana.

Pinikit ko nang mariin ang aking mga mata at kahit mahirap, kahit ayaw tanggapin ng puso ko sinubukan kong minulat ang aking mga mata at naramdaman kong umatras ang aking mga paa dahil hindi pa rin nawawala ang pigura ng lalaking pamilyar na pamilyar sa isipan at puso ko lalo na ang mga kulay tsokalate niyang mga mata na nakatitig sa akin.

“Baba…” muling bigkas niya at doon ko napagtanto na totoo at hindi imahinasyon lang ang lalaking nasa harapan ko.

His voice was a rhythm of pure love and infinite joy.

“P-paanong…” walang lakas na tanong ko. Hindi ko nga alam kong paano ko nabigkas ang mga katagang iyon.

Ngumiti siya sa akin at halos gusto kong lumundag dahil sa mga pamilyar na ngiting binigay niya. Mga ngiti na pinangarap kong masilayan sa loob ng labindalawang taon.

Naiiyak na napatutop ako sa aking labi at hindi makapaniwalang napatingin sa kaharap ko. Nakaguhit sa kanyang gwapong mukha ang panahon ng nalampasang pagsubok at tinatamasang tagumpay.

Parang agad na nawala na parang bula ang nasa paligid namin at tanging kaming dalawa lamang ang natira.

The look of longing and adoration was so evident in his coffee brown eyes, emotions that I was so accustomed to. I guessed he grew taller too. One thing’s for sure, his appeal doubled.

I wanted to laugh because I was still able to point those out when I was in fact face by this overwhelming situation.

“Hey…” His voice was so soothing, I could almost bathe myself with its familiarity. He stepped closer and tried to hold my hand but surprisingly, I stepped back afraid that he might suddenly vanish like a thin smoke of air.