Vanilla

Chapter 26

"I'm in love with Melanin," Lexie repeated, she wore a neurotic facial expression as her eyes reflected an apologetic gleam.

I was shocked. "Are you sure you are Lexie? Is this what you honestly feel?"

"Yes," Lexie said. "And I figured out that I'm bisexual. I wish I could be happy that I found someone to love, but she's still not emotionally ready to start a relationship. She's still broken from everything. I don't know how to heal her, she never tells me how much she's hurting inside."

I sigh and rest my chin on top of her head. "Melanin is one of those people that swear they're fine, tells part of their painful truth, and hides the rest to protect herself from being open and vulnerable. She isn't hiding it because she doesn't trust us, no, she's hiding it to prevent another bad memory."

"She's been going to therapy about her old habits of sleeping around and now she relieves her stress by running track." Lexie wipes her tears away. "Melanin went to a Gynecologist to check her hymen and everything. She doesn't have any diseases or illnesses, but she told me she's in the process of tightening her hymen again."

"At least she's fixing herself to be better than she used to be." I took my chin off her head and leaned back some to look at her. "I don't even remember when she started doing this."

"A year ago," Lexie said. "The first time she did this was a year ago."

"Why?" I ask.

"I don't know, but my guess is she's dealing with depression and insecurity. She also works hard to get her life in the right direction. Plus her dark past haunts her constantly, it's like she's beating herself up to numb the pain inside."

"Fuck," I bring my knees to my chest. "I'm a bad friend for not realizing her pain along with yours."

"You're not, Dani. You were in a dark place too."

"I neglected my friends for my own pain."

"And that's understandable. Your life isn't perfect either."

"Why don't you hate me, Lexie? I literally shut you guys out of my heart."

"Because we all did the same thing. All three of us stopped communicating about our issues to put on a fake smile and hid our pain from one another. If I'm honest, Lauren was the one that helped all of us finally realize what we did wrong. If she didn't include herself back into your life, we would still be depressed and cold."

I smiled. "She did help us, didn't she?"

"Lauren is like that rare diamond that gave us a life-changing opportunity."

"How did I fall for such an amazing person?"

"By being you. She was in love with you for a long time. Sneaking glances in your direction, watching you when you slept in free period, she read that same book over and over without getting tired of it, she studied hard to keep up with you, she ignored her own pain to follow close behind you, she paints all the time to pick up the talent you left behind, and she didn't let her love for you die to not give up on her chance to win your heart."

"She was so patient to wait on me that I never noticed." I moved my hair out of my face. "How did you know all of that anyway?"

"She told us. She was in an empty classroom by herself looking out the window and didn't care about spilling out her heart to us. She told us everything while her eyes were elsewhere. It was as if she was sad but at the same time...broken."

"Do you know what my opinion of her was before I knew her?"

"What?"

"A popular girl that had befriended everyone easily, and probably was a spoiled person that got everything she wanted. I didn't understand why everyone wanted to be her friend. Her appearance to me wasn't all that special. She was like a side character with no importance in my life then, but now she's someone I can't let go of and someone I want to hold onto forever."