Trieja: Jake And Josh [Under Revision]

Chapter 9

"Why do you have to accept that offer?!"

"Because I want to, Josh. This is what I've been wanting to do from the start!"

"Bullshit--!"

Marahan kong isinara ang pintuan ng kanilang kwarto. This is the day that Jake would leave Josh. Dalawang linggo na silang hindi nagkakasundo. Araw-araw na rin ang pag-aaway nila dahil sa nakuhang promotion ni Jake.

He'll be assigned in Cebu to a relocation. Malaki ang sahod kaya sino ba naman ang tatanggi? I'd immediately accept the offer if it were me. Pero hindi iyon gusto ni Josh, halata naman.

Josh is possessive. Gusto niya ay dito lang sila ni Jake sa Antique na magtrabaho, ng magkasama. Pero mataas ang pangarap ni Jake, at naiintindihan ko kung bakit niya mas pinili ang promotion kaysa manatili dito.

Maingat akong pumasok sa loob ng kwarto ko. Kapag umalis si Jake, maiiwan kaming dalawa ni Josh. Just thinking about us being alone together, it reminded me of our days in Singapore.

The secret pleasure... hidden desire... it all boiled down to one terrifying scene, and there's a possibility that Josh and I would be back in that situation. And the thought of it terrifyingly excites me, which I shouldn't be.

Ayaw ko ng mga makamundong naiisip ko ngayon. I should be a good girl now. Paano na lang kung mangyari sa akin ang ginawa ko kay Jake in the future?

But I had to admit, my feelings for Josh never left. It just hid itself somewhere deep in my heart. And this really scares me. Bumuntong hininga ako at nagpasyang kunin na ang mga gamit. I still have work, I should be only thinking about it and also... Marni.

Pagkalabas ng kwarto ay nanatiling sarado ang kwarto. Hindi rinig mula sa loob ang ingay nila dahil soundproof ang wall. I took a deep breath before heading for the door.

Ilang minuto lang ang tinagal ko sa kalsada't nakarating na ako sa ospital. When I went inside the locker room, nagsalubong ang mga mata namin ni Marni habang natigil siya sa pagbibihis. Agad kong iniwas ang aking tingin bago tumikhim at dumiretso sa locker ko.

Kaming dalawa lang ang nandidito. Ramdam ko ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko at bahagyang nanginig ang mga daliri habang kinukuha sa loob ng locker ang damit.

Hindi ko pa rin kinakausap si Marni matapos siyang mag-confess sa akin dun sa elevator. I don't even understand why I am this nervous and uneasy whenever she's around. I can't even look her in the eye. Though, I don't have any problem with her having feelings towards me... I just can't grasp the reality of her actually being a lesbian.

It's not bad to be one, sadyang nakakagulat lang talaga na malaman. Though I badly needed a friend, but giving Marni the cold treatment would be the easiest way than force her to still be friends with me when the person has feelings for you.

Ayaw kong ma-misinterpret niya ang kahit na ano. But not talking to her after that confession has a possibility she'd think that I hate her or something just because she's lesbian.

"Claire..."

Naestatwa ako sa pagbutones ng blouse nang marinig boses niya sa gilid ko. Dumadagundong na naman ang puso ko sa kaba. Hindi ako agad nakagalaw kaya nagpatuloy siya sa pagsasalita.

"Kasama ako ni Jake sa pag-alis niya ngayon. I shouldn't be working today kasi kailangan ko pang mag-empake, but I choose to have this one last shift just to see you..."

Ano? Pumasok siya para makita ako? Teka, aalis siya? Sila ni Jake? Bakit walang nasabi ang baklang 'yon sa akin?

When I turned to her, I saw how she's struggling hard not to falter as her fidgety fingers crawled on the strap of her bag. Iniwas niya rin agad ang tingin habang ako ay unti-unti ng naluluha, may napagtanto. Pero pinigilan kong kumawala ang mga luha.

"Y-Yun lang... and sorry for ruining our friendship."

Ni hindi na niya ako pinapagsalita at dali-dali na siyang lumabas ng locker room. Nanatili akong estatwa, nanghihinayang sa mga araw na lumipas... sa mga araw na lagi ko siyang iniiwasan na akala mo'y may sakit na nakakahawa.

That day, napatawag ako sa office ni Doc dahil sa katangahan ko.

"Are you mentally ill, Ms. Agustin? Because if you are, I am afraid I'm gonna have to suspend you for a month--"

"Po?"

Tinaas niya agad ang kamay dahilan para matahimik ako.

"Clear your thoughts first, I don't want any patient in my care, inside this hospital, to be dead in the hands of my staff. You may take your leave, go home an reflect on your actions."

Malamig ang mga tingin ni Doc sa akin nung lumabas ako ng opisina niya. Nakasalubong ko pa sina Marni at Jake na naglalakad sa direksyon ko.

"Claire?", Jake called, but I choose to ignore him.

I can feel the shame and guilt eating me as I keep my head low, and walked past them. Narinig ko ang mga yabag ni Jake papunta sa akin pero hindi na siya nakalapit pa dahil agad silang tinawag ni Doc. I felt relief when I heard the door closed as soon as they were inside.

Blangko ang isipan kong pumasok sa locker room. Why is this happening to me? Karma ba 'to sa akin? Is this the consequence of betraying my best friend? Alam ko naman na masama ang ginawa ko, but seeing how my career is slowly slipping away from me, I can't help but feel angry.

Si Josh kasi eh... why didn't he resist me? Why did he choose to succumb to my needy temptation when he could just push me away?

I mentally scoffed as I laugh at myself. Am I blaming this on Josh? Have I gone mad? I gritted my teeth as I slammed my locker door shut. I need to get the hell out of here. I am beginning to think irrationally.

Upon my way out, nakasalubong ko si Josh. He still has that grim look on his face, and it hurt to see him that way. But I had to ignore him, though it's difficult for my part... I need to.

I went straight for my car and got inside before starting the engine as soon as I got off the elevator. Maaga pa naman, sobrang aga, malamang wala pang bar na bukas. It's... what? 3 pm.

Magkukulong na lang siguro ako sa kwarto. Though I am tempted of going to an amusement park, I choose not to. I just realize that I am too lazy to have fun for today. I feel like I am sexually worn out even if--

That's right! I'll just stay in my room and do what I always do whenever I am stressed. Masturbating calms me... helps me keep my mind collected. Though it's weird for any individual's perspective, sexually processing problems eases my mind.