Taking Chances - P. JM

- Beginning of the Downfall

Have you ever screwed your life so bad and just start thinking of the ways to end everything so you don't have to deal with it?

Tears fell from the corner of my eyes rapidly, it's like waterfalls against my own skin. My hands shakes so badly as I look at the two lines on the stick that I'm holding. This is the third kit and each have the same results.

I wanted to scream so bad.

Two lines of the pregnancy test is very clear.

"Ma'am? Your mother is asking for you in the dining" My hands shake even more and I breathed heavily and I looked at the mirror in front of me and wiped the tears off my face.

"Yes, Jinhee unnie, I'll be there!" I shouted and my voice broke at the last word, I swallowed thickly and I stepped inside my room again and Immediately hid the Test kits under my bed.

My legs were wobbly as I walk on the stairs and more when I saw my mom smiling widely at me at the end of the table.

"Good afternoon sweetie," She smiled at me and I couldn't look at her but I tried my bed to give a smile, the natural that I can possibly give.

"Good afternoon mom," I whispered softly and I just prayed to God that I survive this lunch.

Luckily mom is just busy talking to someone.

I am pregnant, this explains my morning sickness, i wake up to vomit for consecutive days and I will tell him.

I closed my eyes shut as I try to think my mom's reaction once I tell her, I don't know what she can do to me. It's horrifying to think what would be her reaction.

I failed multiple times but this time, I failed so miserably. This is the biggest fail that happened to me, but my child. He or She will never be a mistake. It's not my child's mistake if this happened to me, It's my fault.

I finished my lunch, my mom left with just a kiss on my cheek and my shoulder fell so hard and the househelp walked to me.

"Are you done Ma'am?" She asked and I nodded and I watched her took my plate away.

I sighed calmly as I think of it. I will tell him first, I must tell him. I must tell the father of my child that I am pregnant.

"Unnie, I'm just going to walk by the shore, Tell mom if she get's back early" I said and Jinhee unnie nodded and I walked out of the house before taking small steps towards the beach way.

I bite my lip as I watched the people on the nearby beach resort having fun in the waters while i'm here dragging myself, full of so many problems in my life.

I breathed heavily as tears fell from my eyes again as I think of My mom's clear ambitions for me. I followed her advices and her wants for me, She enrolled me in modeling agencies and dance classes when we're in Australia and Seoul.

I bite my lips as I stepped on the sands, taking my slippers and holding them in my hands and I keep on walking as I reached the premises of home of the man that I never thought will completely change my whole world.

My heart hammered against my chest as I heard someone laughing from close distant. I look at the endless sea in front of me before turning back to see where the laughter is coming and I suddenly felt dizzy.

Park Jimin is the father of my child. My heart clenched so bad. In some days I would walk out, become terribly angry and broken whenever I see him flirting but today, it'll be different.

I won't.

Today, I will endure it all, the breaking feeling, the pain, the anger, the irritation. I don't know who to blame or if I have the rights to blame.
I am really pregnant.