WARNING: THE CONTENT IN THIS ONESHOT IS DARK AND HAS MENTIONS AND DESCRIPTIONS OF SELFHARM AND PILLS. DO NOT READ IF THIS WILL TRIGGER OR UPSET YOU.
I WILL OUTLINE WHEN IT STARTS
stay safe<3
Simon's POV
The fall breeze falls upon my face, causing my cheeks to redden. I felt the cold touch of winter biting at my nose as I quicken my pace. It was late fall, edging onto winter days. From the outside, the public see me as a small boy jogging through their neighborhoods in a soft black hoodie. On the inside, I was dying. I was breaking at the seems and no one would ever be any wiser.
The cold nips at my cheeks and finger tips, so I go even faster than before, I just wanted to get home. Home isn't a bad place, I wouldn't say perfect either. My family and I have our ups and downs, but recently its been normal.
My body stung as I took a large step inside my red bricked house. We didn't live in a large area, but perfect for us. My feet pound against the ground as i throw my hoodie on the hooks on the left, placing my shoes in the rack on the right.
"Hello sweetie" My mum chimes in, peeping her head around the corner. "Hi mum" I smile softly at her, walking past and to the back of the house. There was a pleasant smell that filled my nose so much i could almost taste it. I follow the smell to outside, where my father was cooking meat on the grill out back for dinner. "Hello dad" I waved at him. He nods back to me and moves his head downwards once again flipping the steak.
I close the door behind me and make my way to the stairs. I give my dog, Bella, a pat on the head before i take my first step upwards. I always have a fear of slipping on these stairs, I don't want to fall and hurt myself. As scared as hurting myself was, it felt so ironic.
My body is littered with scars. Thin pink lines that I have tried to desperately to hide from everyone. I haven't done that for a while. My life was picking up and i could finally feel those missing pieces aligning.
Though, perfect is impossible as it may seem. I've fallen back into a deep spiral that I don't know if I will be able to get out of. My significant other, my boyfriend.. well my ex boyfriend and i are over. We have been for a long time, well only a few months. I remember that night.
I shake my thoughts away and head to my bedroom. I plopped down onto my bed, face first. My room has always been dark, due to the black out curtains that i had my dad install when i first started playing video games a lot more often. I own a few consoles, along with a pc and of course all the games i enjoy playing on each. I turn myself over slowly, feeling exhausted and out of strength.
I rest on my back, staring at my ceiling in hopes of answers to all my dying questions.
Why me.
Why did I have to go through the pain of losing my best friend as my boyfriend, to only being my friend again. I don't want to become strangers. He's moved on, He's dating a blonde girl with soft eyes and pale skin. She's so pretty, I don't blame them for being together. They were a power couple, they paired so well together.
But I wanted that. I wanted to have those moments with him. I felt my chest tighten and the room started getting fuzzy. I dart up and run to the bathroom, falling onto my knees before I threw up everywhere but the toilet.
Gross, I know.
My stomach felt like a whirlwind of storms that are tearing up my insides to shreds. There goes my lunch. I felt weak. I'm glad that i have my own bathroom, and that I can be alone without interruption.
Lachlan was all I wanted. He was perfect to me, perfect for me. He will always have a piece of my heart, together or not. I'll always be a little bit his.
What I did next, I never could have guessed if you asked me. I reached for the medicine cabinet, pulling the magnetic door open slowly. As if I was being controlled, my hand reached straight for my little tin on the upper right shelf.
I stood on the tips of my toes, having to reach as high as I could. I let go the breath I was holding in, dropping to the floor again with a soft plop. I shakily open the tin, wishing that I wasn't so impulsive.
The soft metal of the tin feels cold to the touch, sending a shiver down my spine in an scary way.
-TRIGGERING PART STARTS NOW-
I grabbed the pills, one codeine and one morphine. I've started to suck at swallowing them, i can't ever keep them down. There are two, one smaller white one, the other slightly bigger and more wide. I pop them into my mouth, pulling myself up and drinking slowly from the tap water. I swallowed them one at a time and grabbed my tin once again, slipping it into my right pocket.
" Simon?" My mum calls up to me, i jump at her voice. "Y-yes?" I call back, my voice cracking slightly. "Dinner" She replies. I exhale, relaxing at the answer. I make my way quickly down my single flight of stairs and to the kitchen around the corner from them. "Steak, corn and veggies! Your favourite!" She smiles brightly, feeling very accomplished of her work on dinner.
I smile kindly back at her and go to head to my bedroom. "Hun, can i speak to you for a moment before you go?" She asks softly, as if any louder something would happen. "Sure?" I ask questionably. She bites her lip harshly, eyes darting around.
"I uh, I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you. You've come so far and I'm glad to have you as my son" She hums, sticking her hands into her jeans pocket. "Thank you, that means a lot" I nod at her, turning back around. "I love you, Si." She calls to me, I reply with a simple "Love you mum".
The metal in my pocket shakes, clashing together but not loud enough to cause any suspicion. As if it didn't matter, I threw my meal onto my desk, almost sliding my mouse off of the pad. I go to the corner of my bedroom, where i have a red bean bag chair on the ground.
The tin slips easily out of my pocket and opens seamlessly. The cold metal brushes against my fingers, but this time not from the tin. It feels so weightless, so soft in my finger tips. As if this piece of metal, all the particles within are begging me to use it. To push it against my upper left thigh, leaving a red line dotted with blood spots.
I missed the feeling. The tingling after too many, slowly turns into numbness. The look of the red coming out from such a simple slide of metal. Before i could understand myself, I stood up and threw my pants off to expose my very scarred thighs. I place the metal against my thigh, hesitating for a moment.
Should I? Is it worth it?
I think so.
I apply pressure and the white turns to red in an instant. Little beads form on my skin and start to pool together at the lowest part. I felt the liquid drip willingly down my inner thigh, creating a thing red stain. I felt calm. My body stopped shaking, my chest didn't hurt. I felt numb, so I kept going.
I kept going until I felt that maybe, all those lines would be enough to write out all the ways I could love him. All the things I wanted to do with him, and only him.
He's not mine anymore, but I'm still a little bit his.
My room fades away from my already cloudy vision, blood pooling and staining my carpet floors. I hear my door opening, but I had no more strength anymore. Distant screams and the dizziness from being shook. "Please Si... I love you." My mum says, although it sounds very far as if she was yelling off a mountain down to a little village. My body fades into nothing.
Maybe in another life, I wont be a little bit his, but completely his.
