Vikk's POV
"And how does that make you feel, Vikk?" My therapist asks me. I shrug softly and put my head in my hands.
"Like shit? Like everything around me is just falling down on top of me. Like I'm just counting down the days until i die?" I say as i pull at the roots of my hair.
He just writes down in his book and nods at me. I feel defeated.
Josh, my ex boyfriend, left me. He left without an explanation and it was destroying me. I still could talk to him, i could text him.
He would never answer even when i needed it most. It hurt me so badly and pretty much destroyed every part of me.
He didn't want to work us out, he didn't want to give me any sort of closure.
"Why was he so important to you?" He asks. I stay silent for a minute.
I don't even know myself.
"I guess it was the fact we had something going for a long while. He was my rock when everything got bad," i sigh,
"I could go to him and feel safe. I loved him, you know. I loved him so much and i guess it was too much. I pushed him away and he didn't come back."
I say through silent tears rolling down my cheeks.
He closes his book and puts his pen down on the table in front of us. We lock gaze and he takes off his glasses.
"Vikk, I think you are coping very poorly. I'm very worried for you." He states, sighing and folding his hands in his lap.
"How so?" I ask, sitting up straight.
"I'm scared you're going to kill yourself." He says.
I'm taken back by what he says, only replying with a slight nod.
"It does get better Vikk. You will get over him sooner or later." He says, leaning forwards.
"Hopefully." I mumble.
-Time Skip-
"Vikk, Breakfast!" Simon yelled from the kitchen. I just lay lifeless in bed.
It's been 10 months. He's been gone for 10 months.
I still didn't ever get an explanation. I don't feel hopeful anymore, my life started to lose meaning.
I know i should get up, and go get food to eat. I just cant find a way to get out of bed without just falling right back into it.
My stomach and head hurt a lot, but i just brushed it off.
Weed has quickly become my coping method of this breakup. It's horrible but damn does it ever make me feel good.
I hear footsteps coming up the stairs outside my room, and i roll over away from my door.
Light fills my room as the person opens my door slowly and quietly.
"Vikk?" JJ asked out. I just hummed softly to him, staying rolled over.
"Breakfast is ready. Want me to bring it up to you?" He asks quietly. "No" i mumble into my pillow.
"You haven't eaten today" He mutters to me, walking over to my bed and sitting on the edge. "I know" I say simply, rolling towards him.
His eyes slightly widen at viewing my appearance.
"You look like dog shit." He whispers, completely serious. I laugh softly and just roll my eyes at him.
"No need to tell me, i know." I say to him, moving to my back.
"And the weed? Your lungs must hate you." He says, pointing to my bong on my desk.
"Yeah my liver doesn't like me much either" i smile at him, sitting up and grabbing said bong.
"Dude really?" He asks, standing up off my bed. I just shrug and sit back down, packing weed into my bowl.
"Want a hit?" I ask him, handing it over to him.
He pauses for a moment, "fuck it," he says, sitting down next to me.
We end up getting mind-blowingly crossfaded, mix of high and drunk. I was sitting on his lap and he just had his arms around my waist, holding me on him.
"I miss him so much" I mutter into his chest. "I know you do loser" He says, playing with my hair.
"He was my everything. Why did he have to leave me? I don't get what i did wrong." I mumble just rambling on.
"You didn't do anything wrong. He just wasn't ready" He says to me. I think for a few.
My mind is cloudy and i can't think straight, but i still try. I try to think of the reason he left.
I can't do anything to explain why he is gone.
"I guess so." I sigh. I just focus on feeling good in this moment right now.
Getting high or drunk with another person has always been so much better than doing it alone.
It always feels so good to have another person with you.
"It'll be okay Vikky. I promise you." He says to me.
"I sure hope so. I just miss the little things with him." I tell him, laying beside him. "You're a great person Vikk. If you love it, let it go." He says, cupping my cheek.
I nod slightly, looking down. He kisses my forehead and gets up to leave.
"Get food soon please. Take care of yourself, it's what he would want." He tells me and shuts my door behind him.
Maybe he is right.
I need to take care of myself before i could try to begin to explain all of this.
