I've seen so many things in my life. I've felt pain in many of its forms. I've dealt with anger and greed and lust. I've seen all of these on countless faces. But when the words came out of my mouth that I was to be having Jesse James Rutherford's baby....... I can officially say I have never seen a better definition of loss in my life. Zach's eyes glazed over and his face lost its tension. He was no longer seeing me or anything at this moment. I imagine he wasn't seeing anything at all.
"Zach don't leave me in the dark please." I said. There was no response. No flicker of movement physically or mentally. "Zachary?"
I royally fucked up this time. I've ruined this man, pushed and pulled him to all of his limits, and just when we think it's all over, something else is always ready to go crash those dreams. I loved Zach, no matter how fucked up it seemed at times, but I did. After all we've been through, it was really only sex with Jesse. But because you can't help but adore Jesse and his sex his damn DAMN good, you just can't seem to leave. However, I know where my heart belongs. I know it's with Zach and not with Jesse. I know that now. I know just what I want, what I need to keep my sanity because I can feel it stretching and splitting now. I can't let him slip away, no rather, I can't PUSH him away anymore.
"Zach I'll loose it." The glaze cleared out of his brown jewels. "I'll get an abortion, I-I'll do something, I'll go to a clinic, take some pills, I'll-"
"NO." Jesse stepped in front of me. "You're not killing my child."
I started to cry. "All this time and we didn't even know." I said. "It was bad enough..."
"Alright."
I turned so sharp my neck hurt and my tears stopped flowing. My life depended entirely upon what Zach was going to say. "I love you. I've loved you for far too long, we've come too far for anything to really break us apart. But you've GOT TO STOP flip-flopping between me and Jesse. I know there's a connection between you two, but I would hope our love is greater than that. I would hope that me loving you after all the hell you've put me through would make you stop living in this fantasy where you can have us both. Wake up and see the truth! You need to make up your mind.
"Just know that I will never leave you okay, but your decision will determine the fate of all of us. Of me, of you, and of Jesse's unborn child." He held my stomach. "You see straight through everything, you always have, and it's a wonder why it's been so difficult for you to see that me and you belong together and that this thing between you and Jesse is just a fantasy."
I looked at Jesse. Though he was forlorn, he still nodded.
"I want you to know that I don't want to loose this baby." Zach said. "It's just as much mine as it is yours and Jesse's. We'll raise it and things will be okay. I just need to know that you'll clear your head and realize that you've got A LOT in front of you." Zach kissed me. I could feel the pain in his lips, the hurt that radiated through his heart. "You're going to be a mother. You need to know that I'll always be here."
He kissed me one more time. "I need to go do some things, so I'll be back later okay?"
"Okay."
Zach left me leaning after his touch to go get his jacket and the keys. He came back down and pecked my cheek then walked out of the front door. I heard the Denali start then saw it reverse up the drive to the gate. He punched in the code and then, soon, he was gone; driving past the house in a fading hum.
It was just us five now. I sighed, something I really needed to do, and stared at the door.
"You need to be with Zach. I need you to be with him." Jesse spoke.
A weight was lifted that we didn't really know was there. It was like we were just friends again, like we never eloped, like we never did anything to break relationships apart.
"Thank you Jesse." It was whole-hearted, that thank you.
He smiled, that smile I remember long ago when he was like a brother to me. That, perhaps, was the most important thing to me.
Another silence ensued before Bryan decided to speak.
"So," there was a tiny smirk on his face. "How far along are you?"
